More Than a Memory
by Aurellia23
Summary: At the end of a horrible day, an accident leaves Shawn missing more than any recollection of what happened. But some things run deeper than just memories and as Shawn recovers he will discover what  or who  is more than a memory
1. Chapter 1: You'll Think of Me

**Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

So this is my second story, and the first time that I have written anything of any real length. It took me a while but I enjoyed writting it and hope that you enjoy reading it just as much. Comments, concerns and reviews are always welcome :)

**Chapter One: You'll Think of Me**

**"Take you records take your freedom, take your memories I don't need 'em, take your space and all your reasons, but You'll think of me."**

The day had started out perfectly normal, like any other in a long series of normal, average and unexciting days. The sun was high in the cloudless sky, radiating its warm light over the city of Santa Barbara. A light breeze was blowing in gently off the ocean, providing just enough relief from the heat to make the day completely pleasurable. There was absolutely nothing to suggest that this day should be marked above all others as special in any way whatsoever. In fact, if psychic detective Shawn Spencer had to say that there was anything wrong or unusual about this day, it would have been that he was not enjoying it relaxing on the beach with his best friend Gus.

But then, perhaps if he had been camped out on a comfy beach chair with a pineapple smoothie, the day would not have turned into anything other than the average, normal day it was destined to be, forgotten among the blur of other days that held no significance in Shawn's life. Shawn had no way of knowing that the events of this day would affect his entire existence for a long time afterwards. Maybe if he had been a real psychic, he would have seen what was coming and would have found some way to prevent Gus from going out of town for the week for his annual company team building retreat, and the two of them would have wasted the week in a series of useless, but ultimately highly entertaining activities.

But Shawn was not a real psychic, and so he did not have the foresight to insist that Gus not go. And of course, without his wingman, his Magic Head, Shawn was easily distracted and forced to find his own entertaining, if not at all productive means of passing the week by. But Shawn's version of entertainment usually involved some sort of mischief and mayhem that Gus would have stopped had he been present. If nothing else, Gus would have been able to convince Shawn to reduce his antics to a level that would not result in unwelcome consequences. But Gus was not here, and so, on this seemingly ordinary day, Shawn had gone out solo to do one of the things he did best...pull off a plan that seemed ridiculous on paper, but ultimately turned out to be a success more often than not. Unfortunately for Shawn, there were a few times that his genius plans went terribly wrong, and this was one of those times.

Had Gus been there, Shawn would not have gone to the station so early and would not have learned that Juliet had recently started dating Dan, the manager at a local cereal factory. He would not have seen Dan stop to drop off a coffee for Juliet before heading off to work himself, and quite possibly would have gone the entire week without learning of this new development. With Gus around, Shawn would not have had hours of uninterrupted time with which to come up with a ridiculous plan to get Dan out of the picture as quickly as possible. And Gus would most definitely not have allowed Shawn to put that plan into action.

But Gus wasn't there. And Shawn was bored, and more than a little jealous, and had no one to reign in his overactive imagination. So he had come up with a foolproof plan to destroy Dan the Cereal Man's chances with Juliet. Shawn had learned that Dan had recently decided to stop production of several unsuccessful varieties of cereal that his plant produced. It had all been too easy from there. He had been able to play on Lassiter's desire to protect his partner and had convinced him that Juliet was going to be going out with a 'cereal' killer and was in imminent danger. Shawn insisted that Lassiter alert Juliet of his discovery so that she would not arouse Dan's suspicions and allow them to catch him. Lassiter had grudgingly agreed and set up at team to apprehend Dan. Shawn had hoped that Lassiter would take the fall for ruining Juliet's date, and that he could swoop in afterwards to comfort her. But things hadn't exactly worked out according to plan. Juliet wasn't supposed to know that this had all been his doing, and she definitely wasn't supposed to get this mad.

"Oh come on Jules, how was I supposed to know that he wasn't really a serial killer? I mean, he even looks a little like one." Shawn whined as he followed Juliet into the Santa Barbara police department.

Juliet paused in her determined march through the office.

"How were you supposed to know?" she spat back at him. "Are you serious Shawn. I thought knowing things like that was what psychics were supposed to do? Not only did you manage to embarrass me, but you disgraced the entire Santa Barbara police department."

"That's a little harsh don't you think. I didn't disgrace the _entire_ department, Lassie looks pretty happy to me. I haven't seen him smile that much since...well never actually. I think I totally made his day."

"Urrgh, you're incorrigible" growled Juliet, throwing her hands up in the air at annoyance before resuming her march to her desk, where she was sure she would be spending a lot of time for the next little while. At least until Shawn's latest debacle had had time to blow over.

"Incorrigible?" questioned Shawn as he followed her, clearly not getting the hint that he was the last person she wanted to see right now, "I'm pretty sure I can be encouraged to do a lot of things, for example, you wouldn't have to try _too_ hard to convince me that a pineapple smoothie would be irresistibly delicious right now, or..."

"Shawn!" exclaimed Juliet, cutting him off before he had a chance to launch off into a one of his monologues that had absolutely no relevance to the current conversation and was designed simply to through her off the real purpose of the current discussion.

"Great show Spencer," called Lassiter, as he made his way back into the station and over to where Shawn and Juliet were standing, "A 'cereal' killer? Really, that's cute. Nice job on the wordplay."

Shawn had to admit it was some of his better work. At least someone was still able to appreciate the irony. Lassiter came to a stop next to Juliet, a smile replacing his normal scowl.

"I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed watching you make a complete ass of yourself. And the fact that I was able to help out in the performance is quite possibly the highlight of my week, possibly even the entire month. Now, we don't have any more time for your tom-foolery today, so why don't you leave me and my partner alone and go crawl back into whatever hole it is you emerged from and let the real detectives do their work, some of us have real jobs to do."

"Lassie, I find that very offensive, we both know that my job is clearly to do your job better than you."

Lassiter looked over at Shawn in amused bewilderment, "Oh really? Then what do you call your earlier display? Because to me, it looked like you totally embarrassed yourself, and O'Hara, in front of the entire department, not to mention a restaurant full of people. I don't know about you, but I don't consider that a job well done. "

"All part of the plan Lassie," Shawn replied.

"Oh, and what plan would that be Shawn?" demanded Juliet, glaring at him angrily, "Would that be the one where you can't stand to see me going out with other people so you insist on doing everything you can to destroy my happiness?"

"Jules, come on. You know I only want you to be happy, but if he can't handle a little joke..."

"A little joke? Shawn you had half the department wrestle him to the ground in the middle of dinner and then haul him out of the restaurant in cuffs. That is so far beyond a joke that it isn't even remotely funny."

"Jules, I'm sure that after you go home, take a relaxing bath, have a glass of wine, maybe sleep on it for a night, it will look a lot funnier than it is right now. In a few days we'll all be laughing about this."

"Shawn!" Juliet snapped at him again, anger seeping through every word, "could you stop being such a jerk for once? You have seriously undermined the reputation and credibility of the department."

Shawn looked at her, apparently shocked into silence. He had never seen Juliet so angry at anything before, it was particularly disturbing because all of her rage was directed at him. But really how was Shawn supposed to have known that.

"If you really were a psychic Spencer, you should have known, it's kind of a big thing to miss don't you think? I always knew it was a load of crap. How can you possible miss the fact that your 'serial' killer hasn't actually killed anyone?" Sneered Lassiter

Shawn opened his mouth to protest but at that exact moment, the Chief chose to emerge from her office and spotted him with her two detectives.

"Mr. Spencer," called the Chief, levelling her stare on him, "I'll thank you to turn around and walk right back out that door. After that stunt you just pulled it will be a long time before I want to see you back in here again."

"Chief, look I'm sorry but come on.."

"I don't want to hear it Mr. Spencer. Out, now!" she demanded, her stare narrowing even further, "Or do I need to have you escorted out?"

"Shawn, just go home alright." Juliet said, disappointment and anger echoing in her words.

"Come on Jules."

She shook her head firmly, "No Shawn, look that was one of the dumbest, most insensitive things you've ever done, and that's saying a lot. I'm aloud to have a social life Shawn, and I don't need or require your approval. I think it would be best for everyone if you just went away for a while. Now I have work to do."

With that, Juliet grabbed a file from her desk before brushing past Shawn and off to deal with the after effects of Shawn's blunder, not even turning back to give him another look while Lassiter aimed a huge grin in his direction as he followed her, giving Shawn a quick wave as he disappeared around the corner.

"I'd say it's been a pleasure Spencer...but I'd be lying."

Shawn stood there, watching them go.

"Mr. Spencer!" the Chief exclaimed, motioning for him to head towards the exit

"Alright fine, I get the hint. You'll call me right?"

"I wouldn't count on it, I won't be forgetting this for a long time" replied the Chief, glaring at him as he moved past her.

"You know you'll miss me Chief, crimes aren't going to solve themselves" stated Shawn as he finally made his way out of the building.


	2. Chapter 2: Restless

**Chapter Two: Restless**

**"We won't know until it's too late but I'll have years to think of the way I did the things I did just to chase the pain away."**

The urge to run was strong, and Shawn barely managed to prevent the instinct from taking over as he made his way out of the station. He made his way down the steps without realizing that he had covered the distance and sat dejectedly on his bike for a few moments wondering what to do now.

It wasn't that he was sad about being sort of fired, this wasn't the first time, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. Besides, he had learned that there was always another job, another adventure, waiting to be found. Maybe it was that he actually liked this job, and more than that, that he liked working with the Chief, Buzz, and yes even Lassiter. But more than that, it was because he enjoyed working with Jules, and watching that shy and half hidden smile spread across her face whenever he saw her. He liked laughing and joking with her and even flirting occasionally. Shawn liked seeing that sparkle come into her eyes when she found him amusing, and the fiery glare that she gave him when she was angry with him. And he had enjoyed watching her change from that innocent person that had shakily pulled out her gun so long ago in that diner where they had first met, to the strong and confident woman that could now hold her own with the worst criminals. And all the while, his admiration and attraction to her had grown. But if the Chief had been serious and wasn't planning on using his psychic services for any time in the foreseeable future, Shawn didn't know what he was supposed to do.He couldn't leave, that much was for sure, but Juliet was really angry with him this time and it was going to take more than a carefully crafted joke to get back on her good side.

Again, the urge to run flared up inside him and Shawn had to fight hard to suppress it. It was what he did when things went bad. He always found his way back to Santa Barbara eventually, after all Gus was here and he could never go too long without his best friend, but he had a bit of wanderlust in him and even now he could feel the open highways calling for him. He had often fantasized about being a gypsy, going from place to place, never settling down for long, just going wherever his bike would take him.

But Gus would never agree to that kind of lifestyle, and the truth was that Shawn needed Gus like a flower needed its roots to suck up the cool refreshing water from the soil. Without this, the flower would wither away and die. Gus kept him grounded, and made sure that he didn't go too far. Thinking of Gus, Shawn picked up his phone. Gus was away this week at some sort of conference, but there was still a chance that he would answer his phone, so Shawn found his number and dialled. If anyone talk some sense into him, it was Gus.

Under normal circumstances, the two of them would simply have engaged in some ridiculous activity until Shawn had forgotten what had been troubling him, or had come up with a way to solve the issue. Unfortunately, it did not appear that Gus would be an option this time. The call went to voice mail, so Shawn hung up. He needed to think about this, and clear his head. If Gus wasn't around to distract him, then the road was the only other solution he knew of. So Shawn put his helmet on, brought his bike to life and peeled out of the parking lot, tires squealing.

Shawn drove until he ran out of gas, and then stopped, realizing that he had let his thoughts wander and had no idea where he was. It was a small town, more or less in the middle of nowhere but that was as far as he got because it was at this moment that he noticed the large storm front rolling in from the west. It almost certainly meant that he was about to get very wet at some point on his journey back home. In his haste to get out of Santa Barbara, Shawn had neglected to ensure that he had any extra cash for this little road trip. Not that he carried a lot of cash anyways, he mostly relied on Gus for that. Unfortunately it now meant that he had just enough to refill his tank for the journey back home, but not enough to invest in a hotel room to wait out the storm. So, feeling like the world was out to get him, Shawn got back on his bike and headed back the way he had come, hoping that he could get most of the way back before it really started to rain.

He hadn't made it as far as he'd hoped, however, before the storm front arrived and it started raining, which was just great. The last of the daylight was just vanishing from the skies as the first drops landed on his jacket, and Shawn wondered what the universe could possibly have against him today. He silently sped along the deserted stretch of highway on his way back into Santa Barbara while rain pelted him from every direction, making it nearly impossible for him to see anything. It was a good thing that it was getting late and the road was empty, because Shawn was not entirely sure that he was always on the correct side of the road. He couldn't imagine how this day could possibly get any worse. He had been unofficially laid off, the woman he couldn't get enough of was exceptionally mad at him, Lassie was happy about it (which was always a bad sign), and his best friend was out of town,. Then to top it all off, he was out on some stupid highway in the middle of the night, it was pouring rain and he was soaking wet. However, no sooner had these thoughts crossed his mind, than he discovered that it could in fact get drastically worse.

He never actually did know what it was that jumped out onto the road that in front of him just as he rounded a curve in the road. The rain was beating down directly into his face so hard that he could barely see the road in front of him, let alone distinguish the shapes that were passing by on either side of the road, which more closely resembled a river at this point. One minute, he was staring ahead into the empty night, and the next his headlight had caught the glint of two glowing orbs and a mass of drenched fur. He was too surprised to even think about what to do, his instincts took over and he swerved to avoid crashing headfirst into whatever animal it was that was dumb enough to leap out onto the road. Before he had a chance to realize what was happening, the wheels of his bike were spinning out of control, searching for traction on the slippery pavement and sending the bike spinning out of control around the bend in the road.

It all happened so fast that it was over before he had time to fully understand what was happening. One minute, he was struggling to regain control of his motorbike, the next he was being catapulted into the air as the bike slid off the road, losing any traction it might have had as the front wheel connected with a boulder resting at the edge of the ditch. Time slowed down to an agonizing pace, allowing him to process every detail as he was propelled over the handlebars of the bike and sent soaring through the night air. He had ample time to realize that this was probably not going to end well before he sailed headfirst into the wooden support post of a road sign. Upon impact, his entire body went limp and he crashed awkwardly to the ground. For a brief moment he was aware of intense pain radiating through his body, then his vision blurred and the world went dark.


	3. Chapter 3: One Last Breath

**Author's note: First, Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed thus far, I really appreciate all of your comments and encouragement. Second, I know this chapter is a little on the short side, but there is some business that needs to be taken care of before I get to the good stuff, regardless I hope you still enjoy!**

**Chapter Three: One Last Breath**

**"Please come now I think I'm falling, I'm holding to all I think is safe, It seems I found the road to nowhere."**

Shaw didn't know how long he had been out. He had no way to judge the passage of time, he was only aware that it was cold, wet and he was lying on the side of some stupid road.

He lay there completely motionless for a few moments while his brain attempted to move past the paralyzing pain that was radiating over his entire body and echoing through his skull. He struggled to ensure the continual movement of air through his lungs, each breath coming in short and painful gasps as his ribs burned and ached each time he inhaled.

It took a few minutes before he finally managed to stabilize his breathing to a point where the pain didn't occupy his every thought. But as soon as he accomplished that goal, the other parts of his body began competing loudly for his attention. He could already feel the formation of a large bump on the top of his head where it had connected rather ungracefully with the sign post. Pain was pulsating out from this location in nauseating waves that threatened to send him plunging into oblivion for the second time tonight. But Shawn was nothing if not stubborn, and he forced his mind to concentrate by taking stock of the remainder of his injuries.

The ribs on his left side were burning relentlessly and pain ripped through his side with every breath, even though he tried to keep his breaths short. He could vaguely feel a deep burning through the muscle in his right thigh, but his head and his ribs were definitely winning the battle for his attention at the moment. This was most definitely _not_ turning out to be a good day, it wasn't even close to being an ok day, it just plain sucked. Now on top of being on the bad side of the SBPD, and everything else that had happened today, he was lying in a ditch on the side of the highway barely clinging onto consciousness while the rain continued to soak through his jacket and drench the few remaining parts of him that hadn't already been wet to begin with.

If he didn't hurt so much, Shawn would have laughed, it was already raining so he couldn't imagine how this could possibly get any worse. Steeling himself for the pain he knew would come, Shawn slowly tried to raise himself into a sitting position, which of course was easier said than done. Immediately his body reacted. It seemed as though every muscle, bone and tendon was screaming out in protest of the movement and his vision began to blur in front of him. Every muscle and tendon tensed in pain and he was barely able to prop himself up against the back of the very sign that was responsible for his misery. His head was pounding and his vision continued to blur in and out of focus while he was once again reduced to taking short gasps of breath while he waited for his muscles to relax.

Once the pain had levelled itself out enough for him to begin to think somewhat clearly again, Shawn let his eyes sweep through the night searching for his motorcycle. He located it not far away, crumpled around the boulder that had launched him through the air. The headlight was still flashing sporadically and it didn't look like there was much chance that his bike was going to be taking him back to Santa Barbara tonight, or ever again for that matter. Now Shawn would have to deal with the decision of who exactly he was going to get to pick him up.

_Why did Gus have to be out of town this week?_ Wondered Shawn, it would have made his next decision so much easier.

The pain in his head flared up as he ran through his remaining options, thinking was apparently something his brain wanted to avoid at the moment. Since Gus was clearly not going to be an option, he had few choices left. In fact, he was only able to come up with two other options, the first of which being either his father, the second an ambulance, neither of which was particularly appealing to him. He definitely did not want to spend the remainder of his night, and quite possibly a good portion of tomorrow in the emergency room of the hospital. Besides that, if he went with the ambulance option, the hospital would no doubt want to call his father anyways to inform him that his irresponsible son had landed himself there thanks to a motorbike accident - again. This scenario would continue with his father storming down to the hospital only to lecture Shawn about the dangers and stupidity of owning the bike and would end with a resounding ' I told you so' from Henry. And that was not a conversation that he wanted to have anytime soon, especially not tonight. Of course that meant that calling his father for a ride was out of the question as well.

But, by eliminating these two options, Shawn realized that he was no closer to discovering a solution to the problem of how exactly he was going to get back home. And now he was beginning to feel extremely cold and uncomfortable, although whether this was from the rain that had soaked all the way through his clothes, or the beginnings of shock, he couldn't be certain. But he was starting to shiver uncontrollably and the increased movement was definitely not helping the searing pain in his side, or the pounding in his head.

Grinding his teeth together and putting in a huge effort to focus, Shawn realized that there were only two other people that he could possibly ask for a ride, and he was pretty sure that Jules was in no mood to come blazing to his rescue in the middle of the night after his earlier stunt. So that meant that either he was calling Lassiter, or he was going to have to deal with his father. A shudder passed through him at even the thought of that idea, Henry was not going to be very forgiving.

_So Lassie it is then,_ thought Shawn. With a groan, Shawn reached inside his jacket to retrieve his phone, praying that it was not a casualty of his crash, or the rain. He let out a sigh of relief, which turned into a groan of pain, when he found his phone to still be in working order. The brightness of the screen causing him to cringe, his fingers haltingly searched for Lassiter's number. The letters blurred in front of his eyes, or was that just the water running across the screen? There really was no way he could be sure. Finally, he found the correct information and pressed the call button. He waited as his phone dialled and prayed that Lassie answered and wasn't in his usual foul mood.


	4. Chapter 4: I'll Be

**Chapter Four: I'll Be**

**"When there's no one else around, I'll be."**

The Shrill ringing of a phone broke through his subconscious and woke Detective Lassiter way too early in the morning for his liking. But being an officer of the law meant that the critical call could come in at any moment, and Lassiter knew he needed to be ready no matter what time of the day or night he was called on. So, instantly awake, he rolled over and grabbed his phone off the nightstand next to his bed. His mood darkened immediately when he saw the name on the call display.

_What could Spencer possibly want at this hour?_

He thought that the Chief had made it perfectly clear earlier that Spencer was neither wanted nor appreciated anywhere near the affairs of the SBPD after the psychic's rather embarrassing blunder earlier today. Or yesterday now, Lassiter noted as he took a look at the time displayed on his clock. Apparently those sentiments had had no effect on Spencer, which really was not surprising, since when had the man ever been able to follow simple instructions, or any form of instructions at all for that matter. Scowling, Lassiter put the phone back down, he hoped that by ignoring it, Spencer would decide to give up and leave him alone. It was unlikely, but still worth a try. Lassiter really did not think that he had developed any more patience for dealing with Spencer quite just yet, especially at this ungodly hour of the morning. Sure enough, the ringing stopped and Lassiter smiled, settling himself back into his bed. However, no sooner had he closed his eyes, than his phone began ringing again. Growling in annoyance, Lassiter snatched up the phone.

"There had better be a good reason for this Spencer," he growled into the phone.

"Lassie," rasped the voice on the other end, and despite the use of Spencer's traditional name for him, Carlton briefly checked his call display to ensure that the call was indeed from Spencer. The voice on the other end sounded almost nothing like him. It lacked all of Shawn's usual cheerfulness and enthusiasm, but sure enough the display confirmed that it was in fact his least favourite psychic.

"I need a small favour," continued Shawn.

A small grunt followed the request, as though it had hurt for Spencer to speak. Lassiter sat up and turned on his bedside lamp, his instincts kicking in and telling him that something was very wrong here, although he wasn't sure what. He was not completely ready to believe what his ears were telling him, after all Shawn was known to play more than the occasional prank, and this would not be the first time that he had found himself on the receiving end of one of those pranks. However a part of him suspected that this was no prank phone call, there was something in Spencer's voice that was sending off alarms.

"What's going on Spencer?" Lassiter demanded, "You have one chance to explain before I hang up and keep in mind that I am in no mood for your games."

"I need a ride."

_A ride, Spencer was calling him for a ride?_ Suddenly it all made sense to Lassiter. _Spencer is drunk, and he actually thinks that I will drag myself out of bed to go pick him up after what happened yesterday._ Carlton couldn't believe how self centered, irresponsible and just plain and stupid Spencer was.

"Are you drunk Spencer? I will not drag myself out of bed at two thirty in the morning to drive you home, call a taxi and stop wasting my time."

"No, wait Lassie, it's not what you think, please just listen."

Lassiter was inclined to hang up the phone, but Shawn's use of the word please captured his attention, raising more alarms. Shawn never said please, not sincerely anyways.

"Make it quick, my patience is running out."

"Alright, the thing is I may or may not have had an incident involving my bike and a road sign."

There was a pause and Lassiter heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line as Shawn swore at something before continuing.

"Look Lassie, I just need a ride back to my place, I don't have money for a cab."

"Well I'm not a taxi service Spencer. Do you realize what time it is? Call Mr. Guster, or your father, or better yet an ambulance, I'm going back to bed."

"Gus is out of town, and my Dad won't answer his phone. I don't need to go to the hospital, I just need to go home. Look Lassie I'm not really up to arguing about this right now. If you could just come get me and take me back to my place I'll let you yell at me later all you want, in front of everyone if that makes you happy."

Lassiter sighed, he knew he would probably regret this very soon, but at least it would give him the opportunity to harass Spencer mercilessly in the future, and some part of him was screaming that there was something seriously wrong with Spencer.

"Alright Spencer, I'll be there as soon as I can, you owe me big, now where are you?"


	5. Chapter 5: forgive me for giving a dam

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story so far. I greatly appreciate your comments, so because the last two chapters have been a bit short, I got this one done and decided to post it earlier, hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Five: Forgive Me (for giving a dam)**

**"I know that you're sinking I won't let you drown, and it just comes with being the man that I am, so forgive me for giving a dam."**

After getting brief descriptions of Spencer's location, Lassiter hung up and grudgingly went to get dressed. Leave it to Spencer to go and get himself into an accident so that Lassiter couldn't fully enjoy the giant hole that the psychic had managed to dig himself into, now he had to feel sorry for him instead.

Half an hour later, Lassiter finally arrived at the scene of Shawn's accident, as promised, the headlight was still flickeringg on the ruined bike, guiding Lassiter rather handily to the scene. Lassiter flicked on his flashers as he pulled over, he hoped that Spencer didn't look as bad as that sorry heap of metal. Spencer must have hit the ditch pretty hard to manage that, thought Lassiter. He grabbed his flashlight and flipped up the hood on his rain jacket, grabbing the small first aid kit he had brought along before heading out to collect Shawn.

The road sign was just slightly further down in the ditch, and between the lights of his own car and the flickering headlight of Spencer's mangled bike Lassiter could make out the slumped form of the psychic propped up against the wooden sign post. Even from this distance and in poor lighting, Lassiter could see that Shawn was visibly shaking. He looked like a drowned rat, and Lassiter suspected that by this point, he was probably in shock too.

"Spencer!" called Lassiter as he turned on his flashlight and shone it's light over Shawn, watching as the younger man sluggishly brought up an arm to shield his eyes from the sudden increase of light. He didn't appear to be missing any body parts, although Lassiter immediately noticed the stain of blood on his right leg that was mixing with the rain water and staining the younger man's jeans a deep crimson color.

"L-lassie!" stammered Shawn, "you m-m-made it, it's ab-bout time."

Lassiter took the remaining few steps over to Shawn, kneeling down to get a better look at the gash on his leg.

"You're bleeding Spencer." He stated calmly.

Shawn looked down, confusion written across his face as he looked to where Lassiter's attention was focused.

"Oh," said Shawn " it's n-not that b-bad, I'll deal with it l-later."

"I don't think so," said Lassiter sternly, " there is no way I'm letting you bleed all over my car. I can't do much but I can at least put a pressure bandage on it."

"F-fine," was Shawn's only response.

_Since when does Spencer give up without an argument,_ wondered Lassiter. Concerned about how bad Shawn was shaking, Lassiter went to work quickly, it wasn't his best work but he wanted to get Spencer somewhere dry and warm as quickly as possible. At least this would save his car from an ugly red stain, blood was always so hard to clean up. Finishing his work, Lassiter packed the unused supplies back in the kit and stood up.

"Alright Spencer, that will do for now, get up and lets get going before I end up as wet as you are."

"S-sure thing Lassie, y-you mind g-giving me a hand?"

Shawn held out his right arm and Lassiter moved over to help hoist the drenched psychic up of the ground. It took more effort to get him up than it should have, and Shawn swayed unsteadily, clutching at his side with his left arm so tight that it looked like he was trying to hold himself together. Shawn let out a long moan, and if Lassiter had not been there to support him, he likely would have ended up re-introducing himself with the cold, wet ground.

"Take it easy Spencer, I don't want to end up carrying your ass to the car, now let's go slow."

Together, the two men slowly made their way to the car, Shawn able to support his own weight more easily with each step, but limping slightly off his injured leg. Lassiter could feel the constant flow of tremors through the younger man's body as he shivered uncontrollably. He was completely soaked and Lassiter was getting cold just being near him and thinking about how long he had been out in the rain for. But then again, what kind of idiot would drive a motorcycle through a rainstorm? He didn't even want to know what Spencer had been doing all the way out here.

Stopping when they reached the car door Lassiter moved away from Shawn to grab the blankets that he had thrown in the back seat before leaving, glad now that he had thought of it. Spencer was shaking so bad that he could barely stand up, and was now clutching his abdomen with both arms. Lassiter opened the passenger door and placed one of the blankets over the seat, there was still no way that he was going to let Spencer get his car dirty or wet. Satisfied that the seat was sufficiently protected, Lassiter turned back to Shawn.

"Alright Spencer, get in," he demanded, waiting as Shawn lowered himself into the car at an agonizingly slow pace. It worried him the psychic was not joking around or arguing with him at all, but maybe it was because he was too cold to fight. It was just as well anyways, Lassiter was in no mood to argue with Shawn at this hour of the night. Lassiter quickly passed him the second blanket then closed the door, heading around to the other side of the car. Once he got back into the car and had shed his own wet rain jacket he looked over to see that Shawn was still attempting to wrap the blanket around him. The younger man was shaking so hard that he was having difficulty getting the blanket wrapped around him. Lassiter reached over and turned the car's heater up as high as it would go, then after watching Spencer struggle with the blanket for a moment longer, he reached over and silently helped him spread it evenly around himself.

"T-thanks Lassie," stammered Shawn.

Lassiter simply nodded, before putting the car in gear and turning back towards Santa Barbara, leaving Shawn's ruined bike alone and forgotten on the side of the highway. Once they were back on their way to civilization, he looked over at Spencer.

"What in the name of sweet justice were you doing out here in the middle of the night anyways Spencer? He questioned

"J-just out for a drive, Lassie, it's such nice weather don't you think?"

Lassiter shot him a look filled with disbelief, "I should take you to the hospital Spencer, that gash on your leg looked like it would needs stitches and I wouldn't be surprised if you have a concussion, or at the least hypothermia."

"If I w-wanted to go to the hospital I would have c-called an ambulance, just take me home Lassie."

Shawn's shivering had already decreased by a significant amount as the blankets and the cars heater helped to warm him up, but Lassiter still wasn't completely convinced that the psychic didn't need a hospital visit.

"Why don't you want me to take you to the hospital?" asked Lassiter, "Are you really that stupid?"

"Because, I'm fine, I just have some b-bumps and bruises, I'll be better tomorrow. Besides they'll want to call my d-dad and then he'll know that I crashed my bike again and that is the last thing I need to deal with right now."

"But I thought you told me you already called your father, if you didn't want him to know why would you have done that?"

Shawn was silent for a moment, realizing his mistake, and then Lassiter clued in to what was going on.

"You didn't actually call him did you? You dragged me all the way out here in this god awful weather so that you could avoid telling your father. Spencer that is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard."

"C-clearly you've never been on the receiving end of one of my father's lectures."

"Alright Spencer, let's just get one thing straight. I am not your personal chauffer, nor do I care what issues you may have with your father, so either I'm taking you to the hospital, or to your father's place. You pick but those are the only two places this car will be going as long as you're in it."

"How about to my place."

"No, if you would prefer I can take you to the station and you can spend the night in a holding cell, then I can deal with this latest round of idiocy in the morning, but trust me you don't want that because I will not hide this from the Chief and I don't think that you are exactly on her good side right now. So what's it gonna be Spencer?"

Shawn let out a sigh, "I think I'll take the jail option."

"Don't joke with me Spencer, because you have no idea how tempted I am to take you there anyways. If you didn't look like a pathetic drowned rat that's where we'd be headed right now. I will take you there. Is dealing with your father really that bad?"

"If I told you yes would you take me home?"

"No, grow up Spencer, you made a mistake, deal with it like an adult. I'm taking you to see your father, I'm sure he would at least like to know that you're still alive."

Shawn groaned in the seat beside him, another tremor passing through his body, "I really don't like you right now Lassie."

"Deal with it."


	6. Chapter 6: Bring on the Rain

**Author's Note:** Once again thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed, I really appreciate all of you comments. For those of you who have been wondering, yes the memory loss hinted at in the summary is coming, I'm just not done torturing poor Shawn yet! So without further delay, here's chapter six, hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Six: Bring on the Rain**

**"It's almost like the hard times circle round, a couple drops and they all start coming down."**

To say that Henry Spencer was annoyed was a severe understatement. He had nothing against getting up early in the morning, in fact he had always believed in rising early and making full use of each day, but this was just ridiculous. Three thirty in the morning was way too early for someone his age, who was retired he might add, to be getting up to a persistent banging at his front door.

Getting up and heading down the stairs to answer the door, only one thought crossed Henry's mind. Shawn. This had to have something to do with Shawn. Realizing that, three possible scenarios immediately ran through his head. One, and Henry thought this was the most likely, Shawn was in the middle of another case and needed his help. In which case his son was in for a big surprise because as far as Henry was concerned there were only so many reasons in which it was acceptable to wake someone this early in the morning, and he doubted that this situation constituted one of those reasons. Two, Shawn had finally done something stupid enough to warrant getting brought here by the authorities, in which case he would also be in for a lot of trouble. And the final reason, Henry didn't even want to consider, in fact he wished it hadn't flickered across his mind at all. But once there, the cop in him couldn't help but recognize and acknowledge it, that Shawn had finally gotten himself into more trouble than he could handle and would never be coming home again. He really hoped that it was not the third scenario, but in either case he knew without a doubt that this had something to do with Shawn, and that it was most likely not good news.

It was the fear of every parent that one day you might get _that _knock at the door, telling you you're your child would never be coming home again. As a cop himself, Henry was more than aware of that terrible possibility, and to be honest he had to admit that he was surprised that Shawn hadn't gotten himself into more serious trouble before. The kid's total lack of responsibility and consideration for the consequences of his actions was bound to get him into trouble sooner or later, Henry just really hoped that the time wasn't now. Reaching the door Henry paused to prepare himself to deal with whatever his son had done now, then turned the handle and opened his front door, effectively ceasing the pounding and almost getting the fist of a surprised detective Lassiter in his face.

"Ah, - good morning," said Lassiter haltingly, taking a step back to reveal a very miserable looking Shawn.

"There's nothing good about it," muttered Henry, looking past Lassiter and using the moment to take a brief look at his son.

The first thing that he noticed was that Shawn looked absolutely horrible. His clothing was filthy and tattered and it looked as though Shawn had been dragged through more than one mud puddle. _Or maybe the bar floor_, thought Henry. He was soaking wet and had dirt streaks everywhere. Henry couldn't be completely sure in the dark, but it looked as though the right leg of Shawn's jeans was torn and covered in spilled blood. The kid was holding his left arm firmly against his side and was hunched over that side as well, as though his ribs hurt and he was trying to hold them in place. _Probably got into some bar _brawl, thought Henry. That wasn't something Shawn would normally do, but with Shawn it was best to expect the unexpected. But looking at Shawn's face, Henry began to have his doubts that his son had been involved in something as simple as a bar fight. He looked completely exhausted, his eyes dull and drooping. It looked as though he was having a hard time focusing, and he seemed to sway slightly, as though he was having trouble keeping his balance. There also appeared to be the beginnings of an ugly looking bruise forming on the right side of his face, but it was dark and Henry couldn't be completely sure.

"What did you do this time Shawn?" Henry asked, leaning up against the doorframe and crossing his arms over his chest. Even though Shawn looked terrible, years of experience as both a cop and a father had taught Henry not to give his son the benefit of the doubt too soon.

"First," said Shawn, after taking a moment to process the question. Henry noted that his words almost seemed to slur a little, which seemed to confirm his theory of a bar fight. Shawn continued, "let me jusst say that in no way wass this all my fault, and second, this is definitely not what you think."

It was at this moment that Lassiter, apparently deciding that he wanted to make it back home sometime before dawn decided to intervene and simplify Shawn's explanation.

"He crashed his bike into a road sign, looks like he gave himself a pretty good concussion. I didn't think he should be alone tonight, but he wouldn't let me take him to the emergency room."

"Traitor," Shawn grumbled.

Lassiter shot him a scowl over his shoulder.

Henry straightened up, concern settling over his features as he stared at his son more intently. Meanwhile, Shawn had diverted his gaze downwards to avoid his father's scrutinizing stare.

"Why are you picking him up?" demanded Henry. But before Lassiter could answer, he turned his attention back to Shawn, " Why is he picking you up Shawn? You crash that stupid bike again and you can't even call me to tell me your alive? I have to get woken up at nearly four in the morning by some dumbass pounding on my door. You could be dead on the side of the road and I wouldn't even know until I got the funeral notice."

"Dad," snapped Shawn, wincing as the increased volume made his head hurt more than it already did, "Could we please not do this now?"

Henry stared at his son, anger flashing across his eyes now. Meanwhile, Lassiter had slowly been inching his way off the porch, trying to get as far away from this one sided argument as possible. To be honest the elder Spencer scared him a little and he did not expect to have to deal with this when he had agreed to pick up Shawn. Carlton had to admit that he felt a little sorry for Shawn, he could see now why the younger man had not wanted to deal with his father tonight. But still, Carlton had done what he had been asked to and he really didn't want to stick around to witness Henry's anger. It was at that moment that Henry noticed Lassiter's not so subtle retreat.

"Where do you think you're sneaking off to?" demanded Henry, his attention turning back to Lassiter.

"Me? Uh, I'm just going to go now, you seem to have everything under control. Sorry to have bothered you so early, but I have work to do." Lassiter lied awkwardly, hoping he could get out of here before Henry turned some of his anger onto him.

"Well thanks," snapped Henry. Before Detective Lassiter could turn and leave, Henry levelled his finger at the detective, "And don't think that I don't know who was responsible for getting him that stupid bike back."

Lassiter stared back at Henry with a look of shocked disbelief before turning and hastily walking back to his car, glad to be done dealing with the Spencer's for the night.

With that, Henry moved aside so that Shawn could enter his house.

"Get your butt in here now," Henry demanded sternly.

Shawn let out a sigh, which turned into a grunt as his sore ribs expanded and exploded in sharp bursts of pain. He tentatively took a step and swayed unsteadily on his feet as the porch swam in front of his eyes and his vision began to blur slightly. He was only saved from an unwelcome reunion with the floor by his father, who placed both hands on Shawn's shoulders to steady him.

"Easy there," Henry said quietly, letting Shawn go as his son weakly brushed off his father's hands.

Henry let him go but stayed close as his son made his way into the house in case he was needed to keep him upright once again. This was the exact reason that Henry hated that damned motorcycle. He had been forced to scrape one too many idiots off the road from bike crashes during his days on the force, and even though he would never openly admit it, he worried about Shawn every time he drove the damned thing. Now his worst fears had come true, but hopefully this would persuade Shawn to finally give up on the bike, he doubted it, but he would try his best to convince his stubborn son that it was for the best. He watched Shawn shuffle off unsteadily towards the couch while he turned and shut the door behind him before following his son. Henry definitely needed to take Shawn into the emergency room, and he needed to convince Shawn that this was a good idea before his son sat down and got too comfortable.


	7. Chapter 7: the Hard Way

**Author's Note: **So I will be away this weekend and wont be able to post, so I thought I would try to get an extra post in before that. If all goes well I will try to get one more chapter up tomorrow too. Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Seven: The Hard Way**

**"You've got your own way of looking at it, I guess that proves that I've got mine."**

Shawn slowly lowered himself down onto his father's sofa, feeling relief wash over his battered body as the cushions sucked him in and the tiredness he had kept at bay finally hit him head on. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh, which ended in a groan as his ribs protested the excess movement. Still, the simple pleasure that came from feeling the tension and weariness leak out of his tired limbs more than made up for the pain. And then his father had to go and ruin the moment.

"Don't get too comfortable Shawn, I'm taking you to the hospital."

Shawn's eyes shot open, "No thanks, I think I'll just stay right here."

Henry glared at him, "No you won't. Look I don't even know how you got that pathetic excuse of a detective to bring you here in the first place, its painfully obvious to anyone that you need to go get checked out."

"Yeah well..." Shawn let his voice trail off, unable to put the effort into arguing. He felt his eyes closing again. _Why was he so tired all of a sudden?_

"Hey, Shawn!" barked Henry sitting on the coffee table in front of the sofa and looking intently at his son. "No sleeping, you probably have a concussion."

_That's weird,_ thought Shawn, as his eyes snapped back open, how had his dad moved from half way across the room to right in front of him so fast? Maybe there was something seriously wrong with him.

"Do not," he protested half heartedly, "I'm fine."

"You can't even come up with a coherent argument Shawn. In no way are you fine. Now come on we're going to the hospital."

The last thing that he wanted was to go to the hospital and waste hours sitting around there. What he really wanted was to go home, and to sleep, and to immerse himself in his own misery, but apparently he was the only one that thought that was a good idea.

"Look dad, I'm fine ok? I'm just tired, its - " he paused to look at his watch, concentrating as the watch blurred a little before his eyes and he couldn't make out the numbers, so he gave it an educated guess, "- past three in the morning, I just need to sleep and I'll be even more fine. Now either let me sleep or give me some change so I can call a cab and go home."

"No Shawn I'm not going to do either of those, when you crashed that stupid bike of yours again you lost the right to demand things from me, how many times have I told you that that thing is a disaster waiting to happen? But you never listen, now your bleeding all over my house, get your but off that couch and let's go."

With that Henry grabbed Shawn and pulled firmly but carefully to his feet. Shawn protested the entire way up, and Henry was surprised at exactly how much work he had to put into getting Shawn up. Once standing, Shawn made a pathetic attempt to push away Henry's supporting grasp, there was no way he wanted to go to the hospital and he had even less desire to feed his father's determination to get him there by allowing him to help him walk. He just wanted to go home and wallow in self pity alone. Now that he had somewhat warmed up, he wasn't feeling quite so pathetic, at least he wasn't shaking so hard anymore. His ribs didn't hurt so bad, and neither did the gash in his leg, it wasn't even that deep. Sure he had a killer headache, but he was sure that it would go away after he got some sleep.

"I'm not going to the hospital dad, and unless you plan on tying me up and throwing me in the back of your truck you can't make me, " Shawn paused a minute, giving the idea further thought, "I'm sure you could get me in the truck, but there would definitely be questions and funny stares when we got there."

Henry scowled at him, crossing his arms over his chest but not moving too far away in case Shawn needed assistance again. He was standing on his own, but every now and then he would sway a little and it was taking every ounce of self control he possessed for Henry not to reach out and steady his son. He knew Shawn would not welcome the help, his son could be beyond stubborn sometimes.

"It wouldn't be hard Shawn, the bad thing about motorcycle accidents is they tend to do more damage than a normal vehicle, you can barely stand, god knows what other injuries you have."

Shawn rubbed at his eyes, trying to resist the urge to just sit back down and go to sleep. He really did not want to be having this discussion right now, and even trying to think of a response made his head hurt even more.

"Here we go about the bike again. Look none of my accidents have been my fault."

"And yet you're the one who always ends up getting hurt. I don't want to sit around waiting for the day that they have to scrape you off some road Shawn. Maybe if you could think of someone other than yourself for a change you would see that I'm not out to ruin your life, that I'm actually trying to help you."

Shawn really needed to get out of here, he could tell that his father wasn't going to let this go.

"And you wonder why I called Lassiter instead of you," grumbled Shawn, as he made his way back towards the front door.

When he reached his destination, Shawn turned around to see anger flash across Henry's face. Actually it probably would have been more accurate to describe it as pure rage. It wasn't often that Shawn managed to get his father this angry, but when he did it almost always didn't end well. But then, he seemed to have an uncanny ability to evoke feelings of rage from everyone today, and he was not entirely too sure that it was a good thing.

"Fine!" barked out Henry, " You know what kid, just go home, sleep it off. But I don't want to hear all the whining and complaining tomorrow, or next week when everything hurts worse. I've had enough of this." Henry started slowly advancing on Shawn, jabbing his finger at in the air to enunciate his point as he slowly pushed Shawn up against the door. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, as it provided Shawn with the support he so desperately needed to stay upright.

"You're not invincible," Henry continued, " and I'm not going to be waiting around here to help you when you obviously don't want to help yourself. And you know what Shawn, it's not just about the bike. How many times have you gone barging onto a crime scene without thinking of the dangers? Do you even think what it would do to me to have to get that phone call telling me that you died because of your complete inability to take anything seriously?"

Henry had paused in his rant, apparently waiting for Shawn to answer him. He stood there glaring at his son, daring him to argue back. And of course it was not in Shawn to back down from a challenge, even when he knew that it would have been better to just apologize and let his father take him to the ER. Every ounce of logic he possessed screamed at him that this was a good idea, and yet he couldn't help throwing in one more smart ass comment.

"It's always about you isn't it? 'How hard it would be for_ you_, what it would mean to _you,_ how it would reflect on _you_' not everything is about you, dad!"

Henry's face hardened, and he stared at his son for a moment before gripping him in a tight hold and pulling him away from the door. Then Henry opened it and directed Shawn outside.

"Out," he demanded in a cold, authoritative tone that left no room for argument, and Shawn found himself backing slowly out of the house, not willing to turn his back on his father when he was in this mood. Henry followed him until he stood, outlined in the frame of the door.

"And Shawn, it's not about me anymore. Go live your own life, just keep me out of it. In fact, now might be a good time to forget that you even have a father, I'm done with this Shawn. If you ever decide to grow up, you know where to find me."

With that, Henry stepped back inside and slammed the door, a moment later the porch light flickered off as well, leaving Shawn in total darkness on the porch. _Well that's just great,_ thought Shawn. Now he would have to walk home, he hadn't managed to get any money for a cab. This wasn't a task that looked forward to doing, the pain in his ribs had made a return and was really starting to kill him, and seemed to be competing with his head to see which of the two could hurt the most. Maybe he would just go to the Psych office, it was closer. As he began to make his way down the porch steps and out into the night the rain once again washed over his bruised and battered body. As Shawn trudged on through the night, he thought that this definitely had turned out to be a horrible day.


	8. Chapter 8: Break it to Them Gently

**Author's Note: **So as promised here is another chapter before my dissapearance this weekend, hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Eight: Break it to Them Gently**

**"When you see my lady, with the twinkle in her eye, break it to her softly and hold her if she cries. Break it to her gently when you tell her that I won't be coming home again."**

The following morning, Gus parked his blue Echo in his customary spot in front of the Psych office. He had returned from his conference early that morning and after stopping by his place to grab a change of clothes and freshen up, he headed down to get some paper work at Psych done before Shawn got there. Shaw had never been good with paper work, or any sort of administrative tasks for that matter, so it had always fallen to Gus to make sure that the bills were paid and everything ran smoothly, for the most part. Gus really didn't expect Shawn to show up until close to noon, but he knew that he had been working on that case for the department and would no doubt have come up with some wild and crazy idea that required Gus's assistance.

To tell the truth, the conference had been particularly dull and boring and Gus was looking forward to spending the afternoon with Shawn and seeing what antics his friend had cooked up in his short absence. So Gus had come to the office early in the hopes of getting some of the more mundane tasks of operating a private detective agency out of the way before pursuing the more adventurous and entertaining activities he would no doubt be dragged into later that afternoon.

Exiting his car, Gus approached the entrance to the office and was annoyed to find that, once again Shawn had failed to lock up before leaving yesterday. In fact, Shawn hadn't even managed to close the door all the way and it swayed back and forth slightly on its hinges as the wind rushed around the building. Gus let out a frustrated sigh. When was he going to get it across to Shawn that there were valuable things in the office and that one day his aversion to closing or locking the door was going to have serious repercussions.

Grumbling under his breath, Gus pushed the door the rest of the way open and entered the office. He turned and closed the door behind him, pushing it closed extra hard and smiling in satisfaction as it clicked shut loudly. Gus was definitely thinking that a demonstration was in order for Shawn when he finally arrived. In a slightly better mood, Gus turned around to make his way to the back of their office where his desk awaited him.

He hadn't taken more than a few steps into the office when he noticed that he was not alone. There was someone slouched in one of the plush armchairs that had been pushed under the window.

Whoever it was, they appeared to be sleeping. Gus took in the muddy torn and partially wet clothes and concluded that it was probably just some homeless beggar that had come in out of last night's rainstorm looking for a place to sleep. Gus put his keys in his pocket and grabbed one of the baseball bats that he and Shawn kept near the door. Whoever it was appeared to be relatively harmless, but Gus wasn't taking any chances.

Slowly, and as stealthily as he could manage, Gus made his way towards the man sleeping on the chair. He came into the main office and moved around so that he could get a better look at the man's face, which was turned to the side away from him. That's when Gus noticed the blood that coated his pant leg and appeared to be coming from a cut on his thigh. Gus's stomach started to heave and he had to divert his gaze in order to prevent losing his breakfast.

The man's face was covered in smears of mud mixed with more blood and Gus couldn't quite see it, although it was beginning to strike him as somewhat familiar. He took one more step around and finally got a full view of who exactly was sleeping there in front of him. His stomach lurched and his heart sped up as he realized what he was seeing. The bat dropped to the ground as he rushed forward, as this realization hit him full on.

"Oh My god, Shawn!"

Henry rolled over with a groan at the shrill ringing that had woken him up. He looked at his clock, 9am, later than usual for him, but then again his sleep had been interrupted last night. He sleepily rubbed at his eyes as he reached out and grabbed the phone and was greeted by a panicked voice on the other end.

"Mr. Spencer," the voice belonged to Gus and Henry could hear the relief and panic that Gus wasn't even trying to suppress.

"Guster, what's going on?"

Gus continued on as though he hadn't even heard Henry, his words coming in a rushed panic that made it hard for Henry to determine just what exactly he was talking about.

"I found him and he won't wake up and he's bleeding and I don't know how he got here, his bike's not here, I don't know why he would walk, he never walks and..."

"Whoa, whoa, slow down Gus. Take a deep breath and tell me slowly."

Henry waited as he heard Gus slowly pull in three deep breaths before he returned to the phone, control returned to his tone although he still spoke in a hurried manner.

"Ok, I got back in town this morning and I was going to come in and finish some paper work, I got to our office and Shawn was here but he wouldn't wake up when I called him, then I noticed the bruises and the bleeding. The door was open, I don't know if somebody came after him last night but I can't get him to wake up. I called the ambulance but there not here yet. I don't know what to do?"

Alarmed, Henry sat bolt upright, already swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

"He won't wake up? Gus, is Shawn still alive?"

"Yes, at least he's breathing and has a pulse, he just won't wake up."

"Ok Gus, I want you to listen to me, it's going to be alright, just stay with him, I'm on my way." Replied Henry before hanging up.

He was out of his bed and reaching for clothes immediately, heading out the door without stopping to grab anything else. If Gus couldn't get Shawn to wake up, it wasn't good news. No matter how angry he got at Shawn, the kid was still his son, and he was already kicking himself for not taking him in last night. He had let his anger get in the way of common sense, he should have known better, with Shawn he should always know better. _I can't get him to wake up,_ Gus's words echoed through his head. He didn't want to think it as he climbed into his truck and started the engine, but what if Shawn never woke up? If that was the case Henry didn't know if he could forgive himself.

Lassiter settled himself behind his desk later that morning, fresh cup of coffee in hand. It was his third one this morning. But that's what he got for waking up at o' dark hundred to drive out to the middle of nowhere to pick up Spencer. But after seeing the shape he was in last night, Lassiter had to admit that he felt a little sympathy for Spencer, especially knowing that he now had to deal with Henry. To be honest that man scared him a bit. It wasn't often that he felt anything other than annoyance towards the psychic, but last night he had actually felt sorry, if not a little concerned for Spencer. Although he would never admit it to anyone.

Thinking of Spencer now, he wondered if he should call Henry and see how Shawn was doing. He felt a little bad waking the older man up so early in the morning and inflicting a slightly delusional Spencer on him, even if the man was Spencer's father. He paused, wondering where all these sympathetic feelings were coming from all of a sudden. He shook his head, trying to clear it. Lassiter toyed with the idea of calling for a little longer before deciding that it would be the nice thing to do. So after looking up Shawn's emergency contact info, he picked up his phone and dialled Henry's number. It went to voice mail. That was odd, Henry should be home, unless he had decided to take Spencer home, or in to the hospital. Pulling up Henry's cell number, he dialled again. After two rings, Henry answered.

"Hello."

"Ahh, good morning Mr. Spencer. This is detective Lassiter. I was just calling to check up on Spe - Shawn. He looked pretty bad last night, Just wanted to make sure he's alright?"

There was an awkward silence on the other end, the he heard Henry let out a tired sigh.

"He's not," Henry finally replied, "Gus found him this morning in his office. He's in a coma, they don't know if he's going to wake up."

Shock washed over Carlton, that was certainly the last thing that he had expected to hear.

"I - I'm sorry," Lassiter stammered. He wasn't sure how to deal with the information Henry had just given him, "I didn't realize it was that bad, if I had I would have... well I wouldn't ..."

"Yeah," said Henry, "I know, I feel the same. Look I gotta go, feel free to come visit if you want... oh and Detective, thanks for bringing him home last night."

"You're welcome," muttered Carlton before hanging up.

He sat there for a moment in shock staring at the phone still in his hand. He slowly lowered the phone back into its holder. He looked over at Juliet, working away at her desk, a small smile playing across her face, completely oblivious to the fact that Spencer was lying in a hospital bed across the city and might never leave it. He had to let them know. As annoying as Spencer was, he had still become a part of their lives and even though they were mad at him at the moment, he knew that they would want to know. He got up and walked towards the Chief's office. She was busily scribbling across a stack of papers on her desk.

"What is it detective?" she asked without looking up, "I'm busy so it better be important."

"It's - it's about Spencer."

The Chief looked up, "I don't want to hear about it right now. I'd like to just forget about him for a while if that's alright."

"Chief, he- " Carlton sputtered.

Karen looked at her head detective a little more closely, if she didn't know any better she would almost say he looked like he was in shock. That got her attention.

"He what, Carlton?"

"He's - " Carlton stammered once more before he snapped out of it, clearing his throat he continued, "Chief I just got off the phone with Henry, Shawn is in the hospital, they don't know if he's going to wake up."


	9. Chapter 9: Broken

**Author's Note: **I'm back with chapter nine! Just wanted to send out a huge thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed, you guys are awesome and I'm sorry I had to keep you waiting. Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Nine: Broken**

**"The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone, I may have lost my way now, having forgotten my way home."**

It was over a month later when Shawn awoke for the first time since lapsing into a coma. He awoke slowly, a stranger in a new world filled with many fascinating sights, sounds and smells. At first all of these things bombarded his senses and overloaded his ability to process them, not that he would have been able to distinguish their meanings anyways. He knew very little of this new form of existence, and it was like opening his eyes for the very first time. He knew that he was lying down somewhere soft and comfortable, although he had no idea where this place was. He was aware of movements and sounds both in the small room that currently comprised his entire world, and from a place beyond the room that he was not yet aware existed. His sluggish mind drifted from one sound or sight to another, unable to focus on any one particular thing for too long. He registered the man sleeping in the chair beside him, although he did not know who he was or what he was doing there. For some reason, his attention lingered on this man longer than it had on any other detail his distracted and restless mind had noticed so far. As Shawn was analyzing the details of the sleeping man, he opened his eyes suddenly, as though alerted to the sudden scrutiny, rubbed a hand over his face and then noticed the attention of the bed's occupant. He leapt out of the chair and was at his side immediately yelling at him.

"Shawn! Shawn thank god, can you hear me?"

It was too much for his overtaxed brain to handle at that particular moment and he willingly allowed himself to drift back into the peaceful darkness that had comprised of his entire existence before waking. Before the darkness fully claimed him he wondered who Shawn was.

When he awoke the second time, he had no idea how long he had been asleep. But then he had no concept or memory of time to give the period that he had been unconscious any meaning. His mind was once again assaulted by a variety of sights and sounds, although this time it appeared to have developed a better ability to sort through them, even if there still remained no meaning to them. The Sleeping Man had moved, and was now pacing back and forth at the end of his bed, talking into a device that he had pressed against his ear. It occurred to him that he should find a different name for him, since he obviously wasn't sleeping anymore. He was wearing a vibrantly colored shirt that attracted his attention more than any other aspect of this new environment. From somewhere his mind provided that the shirt was red, and so that became his new name. Red noticed his attention, and like before was immediately at his side shouting at him again.

"Shawn, stay awake for me kid," he called. He wanted to tell Red that there was no need to be so loud, he could hear him perfectly fine after all, but found that he could not quite figure out how to convey his message, his body was heavy and unresponsive to his desires to move in any manner.

Red had used the word 'Shawn' again, and he really wondered what that was supposed to mean.

"Shawn," called Red again, refocusing his attention, "Can you hear me kid? I need you to tell me if you can understand what I'm saying."

He did, and he really wanted to be able to tell him this, maybe then Red would stop talking so loud, but he couldn't get his voice to work, and his body was heavy and unmoveable, so he just stared back up at the man who was waiting intently for an answer that wasn't going to come. After a few moments, Red seemed to realized that he was not going to get an answer, so he let out a sigh and changed his approach.

"Ok kid, I know you can see me, and I know you can hear me, now I want you to blink if you can understand me. Like this," then Red demonstrated what he wanted him to do.

Relief flowed through him, finally this was something that he could do. He slowly closed his eyes, leaving them closed for a couple seconds before opening them again. This seemed to please Red enormously and relief flooded over his features as a tight smile played across his lips.

"Great, that's great Shawn, do you know where you are? Blink once for no twice for yes."

Other than being here in this room, in this bed, he had no idea, so he once again slowly blinked 'no' in response to the question. Red seemed a little disappointed in this response, but quickly hid his disappointment.

"Alright, that's ok, do you remember what happened?"

Again he answered 'no'

Now concern crossed Red's face again.

"Shawn, do you know who I am?"

No, again, he was beginning to become concerned with how much he apparently didn't know. It was at this point that he realized that he didn't know who he was. His mind had been so distracted by everything that was going on around him that he had failed to notice this fundamental fact immediately. He had no recollections of any sort and this realization filled him with fear as he realized that his memories extended to waking up only once before. His mind supplied the fact that Red was obviously someone he should have known, but he had no idea who he was either, or why Red seemed so concerned about what he remembered . Red must have seen the fear spread through his eyes because he looked at him gravely before snapping out a clear command that brought his attention back immediately.

"Concentrate kid, don't panic on me. I need you to tell me, do you know who you are?"

Quickly and with all the urgency he could manage, he answered 'no' and continued to stare at Red, while begging him with his eyes to tell him what was happening and why he couldn't remember who he was. But looking into Red's eyes, all he could see was the same fear and concern reflected back at him for a brief moment before Red turned to leave.

"Alright stay awake kid, I'm going to go get some help."

With that, Red left the room, leaving him to wonder what was going on, and why he couldn't even remember who he was.

It was not long after that he learned that 'Shawn' was actually his name, and that 'Red' was actually called Henry and was his father. The parade of doctors that visited him within the next few days informed him that he had been in a coma as a result of a head injury that he had suffered from crashing his motorcycle. He found it hard to concentrate on a lot of what these doctors were telling him, they used too many complicating words that made little to no sense to him and he found himself wondering what a motorcycle was. He would have to ask Henry later when this round of doctors had finished with him. Or maybe he would ask the other man that had come to see him. _Gus_

"Shawn," snapped Henry suddenly, instantly cutting through his errant thoughts, "Pay attention kid."

Somehow Henry always knew when he was zoning out and had an uncanny ability to get his attention back to the present moment. Henry had helped him discover that he could in fact speak, although he had apparently forgotten many of the words in his former vocabulary. This did not seem to be a major problem, as he was able to pick up new words rather rapidly, but still, the long multi-syllabled ones still caught him sometimes and served as a starting point to send his mind reeling in a million different directions. Once they had discovered that he could speak, the doctors had asked him an array of ridiculous questions, most of which he did not know the answers too. Having completed that pointless exercise, they were now explaining to his father the extent of his memory loss.

"It appears that your son has suffered from an almost complete loss of memory Mr. Spencer."

"I could have told you that and I didn't spend half a decade in med school, what exactly does that mean?"

"Well, it's really hard to be certain with brain injuries. He could regain all of his memories, only some of them, or he could never regain them. He could remember tomorrow, or it could take years for him to remember anything, if that happens at all, we just don't know."

His father let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his hand over his head and looking at him for a moment.

"So your saying he could be like this for the rest of his life?"

"It is a very real possibility, yes. Although there is some hope, his memory wasn't completely erased, he can obviously still understand speech. The best thing would probably be to reintroduce him to activities that he was involved in before the accident. Try as much as possible to get him back into his regular routine and get him associating with people and places he was familiar with before. Anything could help bring his memory back."

"Alright, but other than that he's ok?" Henry asked looking away from the doctor and back at Shawn.

"Yes, the rest of his injuries have healed and you can take him home as soon as your ready."

Henry thanked the doctors before turning back to his son.

"Alright kid, let's get you back home, I don't know about you, but I'm tired of hanging around in this hospital."


	10. Chapter 10: Lessons Learned

**Author's Note: **So here's another chapter. Thanks to all of you who continue to read and review, I hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Ten: Lessons Learned**

"**Lessons learned and they sure run deep, they don't go away and they don't come cheap."**

There was no question in Henry's mind that Shawn would stay with him after his son was released from the hospital. As far as Henry was concerned, if Shawn couldn't even remember his own name there was no way that he should be left on his own right now. With or without his memory, this was still Shawn, and Henry did not trust him to take care of himself and not get into trouble. No one gave him any argument or questioned him at all, Gus only insisted that Henry go home and get some rest before Shawn came home, and volunteered to bring Shawn back to Henry's place himself. Of course, Henry got no argument from Shawn whatsoever. Shawn had no idea that he should argue.

Gus lead Shawn out to his car, half expecting his friend to make some ridiculous joke or insist on stopping for something to eat on the way home. But Shawn didn't say anything, he just followed Gus complacently and quietly got into the passenger seat when Gus opened the door for him.

Shawn said nothing on the drive from the hospital to Henry's house. Instead he stared intently at the things passing by outside the windows. Gus let out a weary sigh, focusing his attention on the road and away from his friend. He missed Shawn, he missed him more than he had when Shawn had taken off so suddenly after high school. At least then he had still known that his friend was out there somewhere. He had still gotten postcards, written in Shawn's carefree scrawl, or messages recorded in his joking and easy going tone. Now, Shawn was sitting right next to him but was farther away than he had ever been before, and Gus had no idea when or if he was ever coming back.

It was a difficult concept to face, and Gus just wasn't ready to accept the fact that he didn't know when Shawn would come back. He already missed the crazy and unpredictable adventures that Shawn always managed to get him into, and it made it hard to have Shawn right there beside him and at the same time so far away.

In silence, Gus parked his car behind Henry's old Ford and shut off the engine, turning to look at Shawn. Shawn turned to look at Gus for the first time since he had got into the car.

"This is where I live?" asked Shawn.

"No Shawn, this is where your Dad lives. You're going to be staying with him for a while, just until your yourself again."

Shawn met his gaze for a second longer before nodding and turning back to look out the window. Gus unbuckled and was about to get out of the car when he was stopped by Shawn's voice.

"You don't think I'll remember, do you?"

"Of course I do Shawn," Gus answered, surprised that Shawn seemed to have picked up on his feelings. But then, Shawn had always been perceptive, even when they were children he had always picked up o things that escaped Gus's attention.

"I can see it in your face," Shawn said quietly, holding onto Gus's gaze, "You have that same look that everyone else has. Like they lost something that they don't think they're going to get back."

"Shawn.."

"No, it's ok Gus. I've lost something too, I've lost my entire life. You seem like a really good friend. I'm just sorry that I can't remember it."

"Look Shawn, it's only been a week, just give it some more time, you'll remember something, I know you will. Besides, I'm gonna be right here, bugging you until I hear one of those ridiculous names you always come up with for me. Now I don't know about you, but I'm starving, what do you say we go raid your dad's fridge?"

"Sounds good."

Shawn shot Gus a smile, so close to the one he would have given him before the accident that for a moment Gus forgot that the Shawn he knew wasn't there. Without thinking, Gus balled his hand into a fist and held it out towards Shawn, waiting for his friend to return the gesture. When Shawn just stared at Gus's hand in confusion, Gus cleared his throat, slowly pulling his hand back towards himself.

"That was supposed to mean something wasn't it?" asked Shawn.

"Yeah," replied Gus, "It was, but that's ok, we'll worry about it later. Come on, your dad's waiting."

With that, the two of them exited the car and headed up the walkway into Henry's house.

* * *

Later that week Henry was sitting across from Shawn at the local dinner. As Henry had suspected from being with Shawn in the hospital after he had woken up, his son still possessed a sharp learning curve and picked up on things very quickly. It made re-teaching him everything relatively easy, but Shawn had always been exceptionally intelligent and perceptive. It appeared that Shawn's brain was just hard wired to notice the finer details of life, and Henry was glad to see that at least the lack of memories hadn't seemed to affect his son's ability to notice those details and draw conclusions.

In fact it seemed that the only thing that Shawn had lost was any recollection of who he had been before waking up in the hospital. He could still remember nearly everything that he saw from the moment that he had woken up in the hospital. But it was just as if someone had come along and wiped his slate clean. Of course the bland and sparsely decorated hospital room had given Henry little opportunity to test his assumptions, and he hadn't wanted to push Shawn's mind too soon. In a way he was afraid of what might happen if he were to find that Shawn could no longer recall the details of everyday life. It was the one thing his son had always been good at. So after having Shawn at home for nearly a week, Henry had decided that it was time to take his son out into the world and see exactly how much of eidetic memory was still there.

Shawn had almost finished his meal when Henry set his own plate aside and turned his attention to his son. He was still thin after his long stay in the hospital, but the week of real food had done much to erase the tired and haggard look from his son's features. Still, he had a long way to go before he was back to the man he had been before the accident, in more ways than one. But Henry hoped that tonight, he could get his son started back on the right path.

"Close your eyes Shawn." Henry said softly.

Shawn looked up at his father, and Henry could see the questions forming but he put down the bite of food he had been about to shovel into his mouth and complied immediately. Once again, Henry was slightly surprised at how easily his son followed his instructions now. He still wasn't used to the fact that he didn't have to argue with his son anymore. Shawn still got distracted easily by things, and more than once Henry had had to refocus his attention to the task at hand, but in general, Shawn was very compliant with Henry's demands. It was exceptionally unnerving and just plain unnatural.

"How many hats Shawn?" Henry asked

"What?" asked Shawn, genuine confusion echoing through his words as his eyes snapped open to look at Henry questioningly.

"I want you to tell me how many people in this restaurant are wearing hats."

"Why are their hats important?"

"Details are important Shawn. You need to be able to remember the details, no matter how insignificant. When you're working out in the field you never know what detail may prove important, you've done this before. Now, how many hats Shawn?"

There was still confusion in his son's face, but Henry watched as Shawn closed his eyes again and his brow furrowed in concentration. His eyes moved frantically back and forth behind their lids as he worked out the answer. It took longer than it would have taken Shawn before, but considering the circumstances Henry was pleased with the time it took his son to reach the answer.

"Five," he stated simply.

Henry smiled to himself. Shawn may not have a clue who he was, but at least he would be able to recognize the details. Which meant that he could probably go back to work at some point, and more importantly that when he did, Henry wouldn't have to admit to the SBPD that his son had been lying to them for the past few years.

"Good job kid, you can open your eyes."

Shawn did, but didn't return to his meal. He just stared down at the remainder of his food. Silence stretched between the two of them for a moment before Shawn looked up at Henry, frustration and sorrow plainly evident in his son's eyes.

"How come I can remember almost every detail of everything I see, but I can't remember even one thing from before the accident?"

Henry sighed, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. He didn't know how to answer, the truth was he was wondering the same thing himself. And always present in the back of his mind was the fact that Shawn might never remember anything from before.

"I don't know kid. I really don't know. But you never did anything half way, I guess losing all of your memory is no different."

Shawn snorted, as he pushed the remainder of his meal away.

"It doesn't seem fair," he said, " all I want is to be able to look at a street, and know that I've been down it before, or to remember what my favourite drink is, but I can't. Instead, I can remember exactly what magazines you had on the table this morning, how they were laid out, and how many stupid hats are in this diner. It's just not fair."

Frustration welled up in Henry, more than anyone he understood that this was not fair. If Shawn had listened to him and got rid of that stupid death trap, he wouldn't be sitting across from Henry now with no idea who he was.

"Life's not fair Shawn, if it was, I wouldn't be raising my 30 year old son again." Henry snapped.

He regretted the words as soon as he had said them, and he cursed himself as Shawn let his gaze wander away from Henry's and back down to his discarded plate.

"I'm sorry." Shawn said softly.

"It's not your fault Shawn." Henry said as he pulled out his wallet to pay for their dinner, " I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I've been through a lot, and I'm tired."

Shawn just nodded as Henry placed the bills on the table and rose to leave.

"Come on kid, let's go home."

Shawn rose and followed Henry out to his truck in silence. Neither of them said a word as Henry started the truck and headed for home, each wrapped up in their own thoughts. They had made about half of the way back home before Shawn broke the silence with another question.

"Why is it really so important to you that I notice these details? I can tell that it means a lot to you, why?"

Henry looked over at his son, not sure how to answer because the real answer laid all of his fears on the table, and he wasn't sure that he wanted Shawn to know that they were there. He let out a sigh, deciding that it wouldn't matter, because really, Shawn wouldn't be able to place Henry's fears into any meaningful context. To him, it was just another answer to a long line of questions.

"Because, if you can pick up on the details, like you did before, you can go back to work."

Henry paused, not sure how to say the rest of what he was thinking. After thinking about it for a moment, he decided to just say it.

"Look kid, you know that you may never remember who you really are. You could be like this for the rest of your life, and I'm doing the best I can to help you out now, but I can't always be here. Sooner or later, if there's no improvements, we're just going to have to accept that this is who you are now. That means that you're going to have to go back to work, to provide for yourself. If you can do what you were doing before that just makes it easier."

"And what exactly did I do before?"

Henry let out a small chuckle, he knew that sooner or later Shawn was going to ask this question, and he had been thinking of the best way to tell his son that he had floated through life, wasting his potential to fool around and put in as little effort as possible. But he had made the mistake of telling Shawn that one too many times in the past, so he settled for the easy answer.

"You were a psychic detective. You helped the police solve some tough cases."

Shawn looked at him in disbelief.

"I was psychic? I could talk to ghosts and stuff like that?"

"Not exactly?"

"I don't understand, I'm not psychic now. Do you think the accident interfered with that as well?"

"No Shawn, you weren't really psychic, you notice details. Sometimes you see things that others miss. You were able to convince the Chief that you were psychic, that this was how you got your information."

Shawn realized the truth of what Henry was trying to say and summed it up immediately.

"So I lie to these people?"

There was no point in denying it, it was the truth, so Henry simply confirmed Shawn's conclusion.

"Yes Shawn you do."

"But that doesn't seem right."

It was ironic that it took Shawn losing his memory for him to realize that what he had done was wrong, but by this point, Henry had realized another truth about the man his son had been. Even though Henry had never agreed with his son's methods, the truth was that Shawn did more good than harm...for the most part, and Henry was proud of his son for that.

"It's not right, but you help people because of it, and that's what's important. You're good at it Shawn, and I know I never told you this enough before, but I am proud of you for it."

Shawn though about this for a moment, turning away to look out the window while he processed what he had just learned about himself. But it hadn't taken more than a few minutes before he turned back to Henry, more questions burning in his eyes.

"Why didn't I just become a cop then, if I am this good at it why didn't I become a cop?"

This was exactly the question that Henry had asked himself since Shawn had thrown away his chances when he was still a teenager. Shawn, who had always wanted to do as little actual work possible, had given up on the one career that he was so suited for that he didn't even have to try to succeed at it. Henry knew the reason, he didn't like to admit it but that reason was that Henry had wanted it too much for Shawn, had been to forceful pushing Shawn towards becoming what Henry wanted him to be. And Shawn had always marched to the beat of his own drum.

"Because I wanted you to do it too much Shawn, I pushed you too hard and you pushed back the only way you knew how."

Confusion settled over Shawn's face, "I don't understand."

Henry sighed, not wanting to have this conversation with his son right now. It had been a long day, at the end of a long week and he was way past tired. To tell the truth he hadn't gotten a decent sleep in a long time. Thankfully, they had finally made it home, so Henry was able to avoid answering anymore of Shawn's questions for the moment.

"I know kid. Look, I think that's enough questions for now. Why don't we go on into the house and watch some TV?"

Shawn looked at Henry for a moment longer, trying to read the expression on his father's face. It was a strange mix of sorrow, anger, guilt, and a hurt that went deeper than Shawn could understand. By now, he had learned enough about Henry to know that his father had reached a limit, and Shawn wasn't going to get anymore answers out of him tonight. So Shawn simply nodded before getting out of Henry's truck and following his father into the house.

* * *

Henry lasted two weeks with the new version of Shawn before he had to relent and seek outside help with his son. It wasn't that he couldn't deal with his son, but it was somewhat like dealing with a small child again. Shawn had to be re-taught almost everything from how to make his bed to how to mow the lawn and how to read and write. Granted this time Henry had the advantage of having dealt with his son before and knowing exactly how to get through to him, but there was just nothing of his son left in the man that lived in his home now. He was still smart and perceptive as all hell, and his keen sense of observation helped increase his already sharp learning curve. It took Shawn hardly no time at all to relearn certain things, but there was just no way to get all of the memories he had lost back.

Shawn's questions were getting more and more complicated for Henry to answer and he was running out of ways to avoid doing so. There were just some things that he wasn't ready to tell Shawn yet. One of those things being the entire truth of what had happened the night of the accident. Henry told Shawn the basics of what had happened, but had not mentioned his role in it. Thankfully Shawn had seemed satisfied with Henry's version of events and had not questioned his father for more details.

But even though Shawn was a quick learner and was progressing rapidly, it still didn't get rid of the fact that there was just something missing. Gus had told him that it was like having a ghost hanging around, every time Shawn would come into a room they would expect him to spout off one of his characteristic jokes, but none would ever come. And when it came right down to it, it was just too heartbreaking for him to have to teach his son everything all over again. The simple fact was, that even though he could re-teach Shawn facts, he could not teach his son about the lifetime of experiences he had lost. Besides that, Henry knew deep down inside that it would not be his connection with Shawn that would bring back his son's memories, after all the two of them had never really seen eye to eye.

So, having reached the conclusion that he had done everything he could to help Shawn, Henry decided it was time to seek outside help. Tomorrow, Henry would take Shawn with him to see the only other people that he knew would be able to help Shawn get his memories back and tried not to think about what would happen if they failed.

**End Notes: **So I think this chapter might get a little bit long, but maybe that's just me. The rest of the chapters will be longer also, I think. So let me know what you guys think, if you want shorter chapters let me know and I'll split them up. Up next... how will Juliet deal with seeing Shawn again?


	11. Chapter 11: I Can Still Feel You

**Author's Note: **So looks like the vote for longer chapters wins, thanks to everyone who has reviewed, it's great to hear that you are enjoying this story! And now, Shawn meets Juliet... again :)

**Chapter Eleven: I Can Still Feel You**

**"It's the sensation that someone just whispered, I still hear your voice but you're not really here."**

It was another quiet day at the Santa Barbara police department. It seemed that there were too many of these days lately, and Juliet had never known that silence could be so loud, but that's exactly what it was at this particular moment. It settled heavily over every inch of the department, like an unseen weight. It wasn't so much that it was quiet, but what that silence meant that made it so uncomfortable. But then, it had been unbearably silent since that day over a month ago that Carlton had slowly walked towards her desk with that look on his face that instantly told her something terrible had happened. Carlton had tried to stall, to find and easy way to tell her, but there had been no easy way to tell her that Shawn might never walk through those doors again.

Juliet knew that Carlton had taken the news of Shawn's condition particularly hard, especially since he had been the one to drive out on that stormy night to pick up him up. Carlton had confided in her that he knew that he should have taken Shawn to the hospital, but at three in the morning he had simply not been in the mood to argue with a rain soaked shocky Spencer. So he had given into the younger man's wishes, a small part of him happy to see how annoyed the elder Spencer had been at his son. But it was a decision that he had regretted immediately the following day, and every day after that for the next month. It didn't matter how many times Henry, or the chief, or even Juliet told Lassiter it wasn't his fault. But every day that dragged on in silence ate away at her partner just a little more.

Juliet knew that some of the cops here were enjoying the return to the mundane and boring routine their lives had consisted of before Shawn had arrived. But Juliet had never known a life at the SBPD without Shawn Spencer and his antics. And as annoying as he had sometimes been, she had learned all too quickly after the accident what an important part of the department Shawn had been. Through his guilt, even Lassiter had felt the effects of Shawn's absence. In the first few weeks after they had received the bad news, Juliet had often looked over to see her partner starring longingly down the hallway, looking for some sort of ridiculous distraction that wasn't going to come. Some days, the silence was so bad that Juliet could not think or focus on anything. It was on these days that Juliet would give up on her work for the afternoon, and go visit Shawn in the hospital.

As soon as she had received the news, and had recovered enough to fully realize what it meant, Juliet had gone to see Shawn. They all had, even the Chief and Buzz. Their guilt over their last encounter with Shawn only served to deepen the emptiness and stillness that each new day at the station without Shawn brought. And Juliet was sure that no one felt worse for what had happened to Shawn than she did. Despite the real reasons for Shawn's accident, Juliet knew that had they not been so angry with him, had she not said those horrible things to him, Shawn would never have left town that afternoon and would never have gotten into the accident.

So she and Lassiter had visited nearly every day for the first while, but eventually when there was no change, the visits had dwindled as they were forced to return to the responsibilities of their jobs. Now, Juliet tried to make it there once a week, if for no other reason than to ensure that Henry and Gus were still handling everything as best they could. She would spend a few minutes, standing silently beside Shawn's bed, grasping his hand in hers simply to feel its warmth and know that he was alive. She watched as the bruises slowly faded from his face, and his features became drawn and angular from his extended stay. Sometimes, if she could convince Gus and Henry to leave her alone with Shawn for a few moments, she would pull a chair up beside him and gently rest her head on his chest, finding comfort and peace in the steady beating of his heart. And always, she prayed that she would look up to see him smiling down at her with that with that devilish grin of his. But he never did, and so, when her time was up, she would leave, sad and broken hearted that it had taken this for her to realize exactly what Shawn meant to her, for her to realize how much she couldn't stand to lose him. But she hadn't had the opportunity to visit Shawn for a while now, she had been bogged down with a heavy case load for the past couple of weeks and hadn't had the opportunity to leave.

And so, it was a little over a month and a half following the accident that Juliet found herself sitting behind her desk trying to find some way to distract herself from the insufferable silence when a sudden blur of motion down the hall attracted her attention. She looked up from her work and glanced down the hall to where the activity seemed to be focused. A group of officers seemed to be gathering there, looking at something that had just come into the station. Needed a distraction from her thoughts, Juliet watched as the group stirred and parted, giving her a glimpse of what had captured their attention. As soon as her eyes laid sight on the object of their attention, a small gasp escaped her lips and her heart skipped a beat in her chest.

_Shawn._

Joy swelled inside her as the remainder of the officers parted to reveal none other than Shawn Spencer himself strolling into the department just behind Henry. He walked through the station just like he had a hundred times before, just like nothing was amiss. It took Juliet a moment to get over her initial shock, Shawn was quite possibly the last person that she had expected to see here today. For a moment she was sure that she was hallucinating, that in her desire to see Shawn again, her mind had created a fantastic illusion. But if this was just a manifestation of her imagination, it was a very convincing one, especially since it seemed that everyone else seemed to be sharing in it as well. But his sudden appearance didn't make sense, Juliet hadn't even been aware that Shawn had woken up yet, let alone been released from the hospital. And yet, there he was.

Shawn had his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket as he followed Henry through the station. He looked completely fine, thinner certainly, but that could easily be explained by his stay in the hospital. He even had a small hint of that grin she loved so much playing at the corners of his mouth, but something was off. Juliet briefly considered that it might be the fact that he was quietly following Henry's lead and did not seem to be in the least bit concerned that his father appeared to be in charge of this visit. It wasn't in Shawn's nature to follow, or be quiet, but maybe he didn't have the energy for his usual exuberance quite yet. There was something else though, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

As the two Spencer men made their way through the station, the group of officers surrounding them grew as everyone seemed to need to get a better look, to assure themselves that it was in fact Shawn Spencer that they were seeing. While they all stared and whispered amongst themselves, Shawn was casually and curiously scanning the gathering crowd, greeting those that said hello to him.

Shawn continued to sweep his gaze around the station, as though he were taking in the sights for the first time. His gaze momentarily settled on Juliet, his eyes locking with hers. But his face did not light up like it usually did when he saw her, instead it was almost as if he were seeing her for the first time. Juliet couldn't detect even a hint of recognition in his eyes. _That's odd, _she thought, slightly hurt and offended at his callous treatment of her. She understood that Shawn might still be harbouring some hard feelings towards her for what had occurred the last time she had seen him, but still, to not even offer a smile or nod of greeting was very unusual. But then again, if he really was still upset with her, perhaps that had been why Henry had neglected to inform her of his recovery.

"Weird," stated a deep voice suddenly from behind her.

Startled, Juliet jumped slightly as she turned to find that at some point, Lassiter had snuck up behind her and was observing the scene that was occurring across the station.

"Don't sneak up on me like that," Juliet scolded.

But Lassiter ignored her gentle reprimand, apparently lost in his own analysis of the situation.

"If I didn't know any better I would say he had no idea who we were at all. Did you see the way he just looked right through both of us?"

Before Juliet could answer, the Chief emerged from her office, took a moment to sum up what was going on and began snapping out orders.

"Alright everybody, I'm sure we are all glad to see that Mr. Spencer is alright, but you people have work to do, now get at it."

She waited a moment for everyone to disperse to their various tasks, including Lassiter who headed back to his desk with one last glance in Shawn's direction, before returning her attention to Henry and his son.

"Henry, come on in, let's talk." She stated simply, heading back into her office.

Henry moved forward, Shawn tailing behind him, but just before he entered the Chief's office Henry turned back to Shawn and instructed his son to wait outside him for him. Shawn stopped immediately and gave his father a slight nod, leaning casually against the wall as the Chief and Henry entered the office and closed the door behind him. Juliet watched him intently for a few moments. _Was he just going to stand there, like he had been told to? _She wondered. That was definitely not like Shawn at all. Unable to hold herself back any longer, Juliet got up and walked towards Shawn, who was fidgeting and looking around as though he was lost, but was otherwise staying where Henry had told him to.

"Shawn?" Juliet questioned as she approached him.

He looked at her, but even though his eyes met hers, Juliet felt as though he was not truly _seeing_ her. There was still not as much as a trace of recognition on his face, and it was more than slightly disturbing.

"Hey," he replied casually enough, but with a hint of uncertainty, as though he wasn't quite sure of what she wanted from him.

"That's all you have to say?" she asked, surprised, " Why didn't you tell me that you were out of the hospital? I was really worried about you Shawn...we all were."

When he just looked at her in confusion she continued, "You have no idea how quiet it's been around here, Shawn, how much we've missed you. I'm so glad that you're alright. How long have you even been out for?"

"Ahh," started Shawn, uncertainly. But, hearing his hesitation, Juliet charged on before he could say more.

She couldn't help herself, the moment that she had started talking, everything just came spilling out. All of the emotions that had been building up inside her came pouring out before she could stop them.

"Look, Shawn, I know that I said some really terrible things before all of this happened and I really just wanted to say that I'm sorry. You know that I never meant any of it don't you?"

"I...," Shawn tried again.

"It's just that I was embarrassed and I knew I should have..."

Juliet's ramble was cut off abruptly as Shawn brought up his hand, gently placing two fingers over her lips until she stopped speaking, her eyes fixing on him in surprise. Shawn had never touched her like this before. He slowly removed his hand, then looked straight into her eyes and spoke in a very clear, slow tone.

" I would love to answer your questions, I really would. But I have two problems. First, you need to slow down so I can actually utter more than one syllable, and two, you need to tell me what kind of answer you're expecting, because I have no idea who you are or what you're talking about."

Juliet stared at him for a moment, processing what he had just said, still recovering from the shock of his sudden touch and the charge that it had sent through her entire body. Pulling herself back together, Juliet cleared her throat and took a better look at him while she answered.

"What do you mean you don't know who I am? Shawn, what's going on?"

"I don't know who you are." Shawn stated, looking straight into her eyes.

And she could see it there, reflected back at her. His eyes were empty. They still had that spark of life in them, but they were empty. There was no recognition whatsoever reflected back at her, but more than that, there was no hint of that mischievous sparkle, or the deep pools of intelligence, or the softness that always greeted her when she looked into his eyes. They were just empty, and that's when she realized, he wasn't lying, he had no idea who she was.

"Shawn, what happened? Why don't you know who I am?" Juliet asked, trying hard to keep her voice from cracking. She knew the truth, knew the answer before he even began to say it, but she needed to hear it to believe it.

"Um, I'm not really sure. It has something to do with me hitting my head, the doctors used a lot of really big, impressive sounding words and to tell the truth I wasn't really paying attention. But I guess the short version is that I don't remember anything from before I woke up in the hospital. "

Juliet didn't know what to say. She just stared at Shawn, trying to find any hint that the easy going exuberant man she had known was still in there somewhere. But she couldn't find any trace of him anywhere, and suddenly her last words to Shawn, spoken in anger, flashed across her mind and cut into her heart. It was in that moment that she realized exactly what she had done. In her anger, she had pushed Shawn away, and now he was gone, possibly for good. It was more than she could handle at this moment, and she knew she needed to get away before the rush of emotions that was welling up inside her overcame her.

"I'm so sorry Shawn," she said, spinning around quickly and heading deeper into the station as tears welled in her eyes, leaving a confused Shawn standing there waiting for his father to finish with the Chief.

* * *

Inside the Chief's office, Henry was trying to convince Karen to allow his son to return to the department to help, or at least follow Lassiter and O'Hara around.

"Henry, this is not a babysitting service," exclaimed Karen, "I cannot just have Shawn hanging around here all day. Do you know how many legal problems that could bring up? It was one thing when he could actually help us on cases, but he's a liability now and I cannot be responsible if he gets injured."

"It doesn't have to be every day, and he doesn't have to go out on cases," pleaded Henry.

"Henry! I cannot have Shawn hanging around here getting in the way, I don't have the time or the resources to assign a personal babysitter to your son. If he ever gets his memory back, I will be more than happy to let him continue in his previous position here with the department, but I can't authorize his participation here right now."

Henry stopped, staring back at the Chief with frustration before running his hand across his head and leaning forward. He settled his gaze directly on her and she knew that whatever he had to say next was going to be the complete truth, something hard for him to admit, something he maybe hadn't even had the chance to admit to himself yet.

"Alright look Karen, the thing is, I don't know if I can do this again. I've already raised my son once, and that was an experience that I don't really want to have to repeat. Besides that, the doctors said that it would be good to get him back into his old environments, and let's face it, if he's going to get his memory back it's not going to be because of me, we don't exactly have a rock solid relationship. I could really use this favour."

The Chief stared at him, seeing the pain reflected in Henry's eyes as he starred right back at her, evenly meeting her gaze. She felt terrible for the way that her last encounter with Henry had ended. She should have ensured that her officers had checked the facts before they had rushed off to follow Shawn's hunch. She knew that Shawn was prone to making wild accusations with absolutely no factual evidence to support his theories. It was part of the reason that she always insisted that Shawn bring her concrete evidence. It was her way of allowing him to do what he did best, while covering all her bases and saving the department from innumerable disasters. But this time, she had allowed her concern for detective O'Hara to prevent her from following normal procedure.

"Alright Henry," she relented with a sigh, "as a favour to you, I'll give it a try. But if find that he becomes a hazard or is getting in the way then he goes back home with you. At least until he can function on his own in society again. Do we have a deal."

"Yes Karen, and thank-you."Henry hesitated, he had one more thing he needed to tell her, but he just wasn't quite sure how to say it. So he just started.

"Look Karen, I need to tell you something important, if Shawn's going to be helping you out there's something I think you really need to know, and I hope that you don't get too mad about it, but Shawn ...well he was never as in tune with the 'spirit world' as he lead you to believe... I guess what I mean to say is that – we'll he's not..." Karen held up her hand to stop Henry before he could launch into the rest of his speech.

"Henry, I know." She stated simply

"You know?" asked Henry, "you mean to tell me that you knew that Shawn wasn't..."

"A psychic? Yes I knew, I didn't get to be the Chief by being so easily fooled Henry. Besides, I remember you bringing Shawn around when he was younger, he was always smart, really observant, I suspect that hasn't changed much."

She silently enjoyed the look of surprise and worry that spread across Henry's features

"But then why did you let him keep working cases for the department?"

"Because even though his methods may be a little unorthodox, your son helps us catch the bad guys. Look, Henry, we both know that your son is smart enough to be a very good cop, but he would never be able conform to the system. But that's also what makes him good at what he does. I recognized the talent when I saw it and I figured that if he was half as good as you were, then actual cop or not he would be an asset to the department."

"Well, I appreciate what you've done for him, Karen. He's still observant, but I just didn't want you to expect the same level of information from him, he's not quite all there anymore."

She smiled back at him, "I know, Henry, and you're welcome. Now, I do have work to finish, if we're done for now, I'll let you get back home and you can bring Shawn back tomorrow.

Henry rose, shook Karen's hand and headed towards the door, stopping just before he left.

"Thank you Karen," he said as he opened the door and went to collect his son.


	12. Chapter 12: Life's a Dance

**Chapter Twelve: Life's a Dance**

**"Life's a dance you learn as you go, sometimes you lead and sometimes you follow, don't worry about what you don't know, life's a dance you learn as you go."**

The next day, Henry brought Shawn to the station, leaving him with Karen. It was like dropping the kid off for his first day of kindergarten again. And he felt just as nervous leaving his son behind now as he had on that first day. Although hopefully this time, he was leaving Shawn with supervision that would not require an emergency visit to the ER and six stitches in his lip. Who knew that building blocks could be so hazardous? Karen had smiled as Henry patted his son on the shoulder and turned to leave.

"Don't worry Henry, we'll take good care of him." She had called out as Henry turned to leave.

"Yeah," muttered Henry, I've heard that before."

So, Shawn had sat there in Karen's office while the Chief brought in detectives Lassiter and O'Hara to inform them that, for all intents and purposes, they would be responsible for looking after Shawn Spencer. From his chair in the corner of the office, Shawn watched annoyance flash over Lassiter's face, contorting it in ways that definitely didn't make it more pleasant to look at. Shawn's attention was continually drawn towards the detectives ears, which he thought stuck out more than was absolutely necessary.

"Oh come on Chief, this isn't a daycare. Henry's retired, you can't tell me he doesn't have the time to look after his own son?" Lassiter protested as soon as the Chief had finished informing him of this new development.

"Of course he does detective, but I have been told that any interaction with his previous life could help bring back Shawn's memories. And like it or not you were a part of his life, so I expect you to do what you are told, and I expect you to do so in a respectful and professional manner. Is that clear?"

Shawn watched the Chief (Karen, is what his father had called her) narrow a gaze onto Lassiter that was completely terrifying. He definitely didn't want to get on her bad side. He watched for a few more moments as Lassiter stubbornly glared back before finally nodding his understanding. But as entertaining as it was, he soon found his attention wandering away from the argument between Lassiter and the Chief. There were so many things here to look at, to see, and everything was fascinating to Shawn. From the colourful glass fish on the Chief's desk, to the collection of pictures displayed behind her. But somehow, Shawn always found his attention wandering back to Juliet.

She had stood quietly on the other side of her partner the whole time, occasionally glancing around Lassiter to fix Shawn with a look of sympathy. He had seen that look a lot lately. He would meet her gaze, stare at her for a moment, finding pleasure in the way that her cheeks flushed a slightly deeper shade of pink before she looked away, and then he would also move his attentions elsewhere. But he would always find himself looking at her again.

It was as though he was pulled towards her, but he didn't know why. She was beautiful that was for sure, but it was more than that. When he saw her, he felt as though there was something really important that he was missing. Not that this was a particularly unfamiliar feeling, he felt that way all the time. But this was stronger, he could actually feel something, floating there in the back of his head, wanting to come forward and tell him what he was looking at. But no matter how hard he tried, his memory just would not relinquish its secrets. His body had nearly ignited the other day when he had silenced her with his touch, tingling fingers of fire spreading from the point of contact. He didn't know how to explain it, and hadn't had the time to ask anyone what these feelings meant yet.

Shawn was so busy trying to figure out what it was about Juliet that continually drew him to her that he completely missed the rest of the Chief's conversation with Lassiter. He would have sat there starring at Juliet all day, but Lassiter was suddenly in front of him.

"Let's go Spencer, I have work to do."

With a glance towards the chief to ensure that he was indeed supposed to follow Lassiter, Shawn pulled himself from the chair and followed the detective out of the office.

Leaving the office and heading towards his desk, Carlton turned back to look at Shawn, who was following him quietly, which was unnerving. A quiet Spencer behind his back was a Spencer that was up to no good as far as Lassiter was concerned. But there he was, innocently following Lassiter to his desk, without even so much as a hint of mischief sparkling through his eyes. A wave of guilt surged through Lassiter at this realization. He truly felt terrible for what had happened to Shawn, and his part in it. But he was not a man prone to showing his feelings to anyone...ever. and besides that, he had appearances to uphold. Shawn Spencer had been a consistent thorn in his side since the day he had first laid eyes on him. Despite himself, Carlton was loath to admit that he had developed a fondness for the psychic, but this was something he absolutely would never dream of admitting to anyone, least of all to Shawn or Juliet. Who knew what they would do with that information. Besides, Lassiter doubted that being nice to Spencer now would help to bring back any of his memories. If anything he needed to treat Shawn as normally as possible, which was fine with him. It was easier to portray annoyance and anger than to show anyone that he actually cared about Shawn. So, with a sense of regret, Carlton noticed the lack of self in Shawn as he glanced about his surrounding with fascination. If anything, Carlton though, Shawn looked distracted, his gaze bouncing around from object to object, never focusing on anything for very long. Except for his partner, which again was unnerving. Lassiter had known that there was something between his partner and Shawn before, but at least then Spencer had tried to keep his feelings under control. Lassiter cleared his throat, attracting Shawn's attention.

"So, let me get this clear," asked Lassiter, " you don't remember anything?"

"I remember lots of things. For instance, I remember Gus telling me that I used to call you Lassie, and that I've solved over 50 cases for the department," replied Shawn, pausing at the scowl that came across Lassiter's face, "I remember everything since I woke up, just nothing from before the accident."

"Fabulous," said Carlton, "It will be like working with a monkey, except the at least the monkey remembers where he left his bananas."

Then a though occurred to him. He could have so much fun with this, it could be his big chance for payback for all of the pranks that Shawn had ever played on him over the years.

Lassiter looked over to see that Juliet had recognized what he was thinking, and she shot him a warning glance, but he chose to ignore it.

"So if you don't remember anything, then you wouldn't happen to remember that you used to bring me a fresh cup of coffee every morning, right?"

"Carlton!" snapped Juliet.

"Or that you cleaned my car out for me once every week?"

"That's enough," Juliet intervened.

Shawn looked between the two detectives in confusion, not quite sure what exactly was going on. Juliet shot Lassiter another glare and then turned back to Shawn.

"Shawn, you did not get him coffee every morning, or clean his car, ever. And Carlton, stop it, that's not funny."

"Oh come on O'Hara. Like he wouldn't do it to me if he had the chance."

"That's not the point, its mean, and immature, and I know that you're above this. Now can we please just get to work?"

Lassiter gave her that look, the look that said the whole universe was stacked against him, and it was monumentally unfair that he could not mess with Spencer's head. He knew that Shawn would not hesitate to mess with him were the situations reversed, but he also knew that he did not want to cross O'Hara. She may look sweet and innocent, but she could put him in his place in a heartbeat. Besides, how much fun could it really be if Shawn wasn't able to appreciate the revenge? So, he cleared his throat, adjusted his tie and picked up the file from the corner of his desk.

Alright," he said, pointing the file at O'Hara to make his point, "but I will have my revenge, one day. I think that after all he's put me through I'm entitled to it."

Juliet threw her hands up in the air, rolling her eyes as she headed back to her desk.

"Tell me when you have him updated," she said as she retreated, apparently not willing to waste any more time on juvenile pursuits.

Lassiter watched as Shawn observed her retreating form with fascination. Again he was slightly disturbed at how much of Shawn's attention Juliet seemed to have. Waving the file in front of Shawn's face, Lassiter diverted his attention back to the task at hand.

* * *

Later that week, Lassiter sat silently in his car, negotiating the busy Santa Barbara streets as he made his way to the latest crime scene, observing Spencer through his peripheral vision at the same. It had been a very strange week, and it was more than a little unsettling having Spencer around. It was obvious that Henry, or Guster, had told Shawn who he was, and who Juliet was, but that didn't mean that Shawn remembered the exact nature of the relationships. Sure he said and did things that were Shawn - like, but there was just something off about it.

And he was way more cooperative than the old Shawn had been.

The new Shawn actually did what he was told…to an extent. He still had problems with the concept of silence, but at least his entire existence wasn't dedicated to annoying Lassiter anymore. Shawn actually seemed like he wanted to please him now, which was very different from before. Carlton knew that Shawn had always had issues with his father, and that the two had never gotten along well. Hell he even knew that Henry had arrested his own son once. And Shawn had always marched to the beat of his own drum, doing everything possible to rebel against the rules placed on him. Carlton had always suspected that Henry had been a tough disciplinarian when Shawn was young, perhaps that's why he rebelled against any form of authority. It was interesting, now that Shawn's memories were erased, to see the man that was left when all of the layers were peeled away.

After working with Shawn for so long, Lassiter had developed a tolerance for him, and if he was honest with himself, he would have to admit that he had even learned to like the annoying psychic. But seeing who Spencer was without all of the antics that were as much a part of him as that lopsided grin, Lassiter had to say that he missed the old Shawn.

"You know, you're the only one that doesn't look at me that way?"

Startled by the sudden interruption in the silence, Lassiter turned to look at Shawn directly.

"What?"

"You don't look at me like I'm a lost puppy that needs saving, or like I'm a child that hasn't quite figured out how to tie my shoe yet and isn't mature enough to handle the adult talk. I just want you to know that I appreciate it."

Lassiter looked at him for a moment, not sure how to respond. He didn't share personal details about his life with Shawn. But that was before, when he knew that whatever information he volunteered would be met with a joke or insult. This was a new Shawn. So he relented

"I had a grandfather that had memory problems near the end. There were days when he wouldn't even know who I was, but I loved and respected him, he taught me a lot as a kid, so I learned that I was just going to have to deal with whoever he was on any given day. Some days he'd be his old self, some days he thought I was my father, and some days he didn't have a clue what was going on. I've had experience with loonies…no offence."

"None taken. I'm just glad Detective O'Hara decided not to come today, I can't take anymore of the mothering, my father and Gus are bad enough."

He was silent for a moment, then Shawn turned back to Lassiter.

"You were the one that picked me up that night." Said Shawn, startling Lassiter.

"What? Oh, yeah I was…how did you know?"

"Gus told me. Dad doesn't like to talk about it. I just wanted to say thanks, you know, for driving all the way out there in the middle of the night for me. Gus says I used to annoy you a lot… a lot a lot. So I know that it must have been a big deal for you."

"Uh, it was no problem. If I'd have left you out there, I never would have heard the end of it, especially given the circumstances."

"Well thanks."

An awkward silence filled the car as Lassiter pondered everything Shawn had just said. He knew that he shouldn't, but if the events of the past few months had taught Carlton anything it was that if you had something you wanted to say, you'd better say it. Because there was no way to determine how much time was left, or if you'd ever get another chance. So Carlton took in a deep breath, and took advantage of the opportunity he had been given.

"You know Spencer, you and I never got along all that well. To be honest, I'm still not sure I buy this psychic crap. You've been a pain in the ass since you showed up, and your immaturity and lack of responsibility astound me sometimes. And considering the punks I have to deal with, that's really saying something. But you do help us put the bad guys behind bars, and I guess …well, I respect you for that. I'm sorry that this happened to you, and that you don't remember anything, I'm sorry for my part in it, and don't you dare tell O'Hara this, but I do miss the old you. Work was never boring with you around ."

Lassiter stole a quick glance towards Shawn, who was staring at him with …appreciation?... respect?... shining in his eyes.

"Thanks detective," Shawn said quietly.

Silence stretched between them again, another heavy, awkward silence. Or maybe it was just only awkward because Lassiter rarely exposed his feelings like that. Sure, Spencer didn't have the memories to realize just exactly how significant this had been for Lassiter, but still. Trying to end the heavy silence that had settled between them, Lassiter turned his attention back to the task at hand.

"So…Spencer, do you still have, visions, or vibrations, or whatever it is your calling them now?"

Shawn hesitated for a second, "Ahh, yeah, I guess."

He looked slightly uncomfortable with the question, and Lassiter briefly wondered why.

"You guess?"

"Well, I still see things." Shawn answered uncertainly.

"Good, cause I'm going to need you to try to get one of your visions here." Lassiter said as he pulled up outside their destination.

"I'll try, but Gus tell me that they aren't coming in as clear as they used to."

Lassiter simply nodded, "That's alright, just try your best. And between you and me, I won't miss the embarrassing public displays all that much anyways."

The two of them went inside and Shawn began looking around, moving from one thing to the next as his attention drifted around the room. Lassiter watched him, noticing how his focus darted furiously around the room. He could see it in the younger man's eyes when his attention was about to wander off to the next thing. After a while, his pace of observation seemed to slow, and a far away and distracted look began to emerge on his expression. The Chief had warned him about this. Henry had told her that he might need a reminder every now and again…just to focus his attention to the task at hand, and not on all of the information he was getting.

"Spencer," Lassiter called, immediately drawing his attention, "Focus, what do you see?"

That seemed to work. Lassiter could see Shawn's vision narrow in, see the concentration written all over his face. If only things had been that easy before. Without further delay, Shawn told Lassiter what he saw.


	13. Chapter 13: Every Once in a While

**Author's Note: **So first I just wanted to appologize for the long wait between updates... midterms and term papers took a lot more time and effort than was expected, but that's over with now so I should return to more regular updates. Because of the long wait, this chapter is extra long, thanks to everyone who continues to read and review, hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Thirteen: Every Once In a While**

**"She tries to forget, but she hasn't yet, not a single day goes by. That feeling again reminds her of when I held her tight, it felt so right."**

As the weeks went by, Shawn continued to follow Juliet and Lassiter, helping them on cases when he could. Although his insights still proved to be of value to Lassiter and Juliet, they weren't quite as helpful, or precise as they had been before. He would mostly just pick up on small details that had been missed by the investigators and point them in the right direction. Gus had been helping Shawn to maintain his psychic ruse by teaching him how best to present his information so that it appeared it had come from some unseen source. But Shawn wasn't as good at putting on a show anymore, nor was he as good at putting together all of the pieces into one crazy theory. But his insights were still valuable and so Lassiter and Juliet continued to allow him to tag along on cases, and Shawn slowly began to fall into his old routine. He would usually spend his mornings, or early afternoons, in the psych office with Gus where his best friend would reintroduce him to all of their favourite pastimes. Or, as was often the case, Gus would attempt to get what little work he could done, having fallen horribly far behind, while also trying to find was to amuse Shawn long enough to actually open his books.

This did not always prove to be an easy task. Shawn had never been easy to entertain for long, and he always needed something new and exciting to keep him busy. Gus had mistakenly reintroduced him to paper ball basketball, only to find that Shawn was definitely not as good a shot as he had been before. But apparently, what he now lacked in talent, he hoped to make up for in sheer determination. Gus had been forced to find Shawn another activity after he had used up almost every piece of paper in the office, including all of Gus's pharmaceutical journals. And Shawn continued to practice every time Gus brought him to the Psych office. Which usually meant that at some point in the day, Gus had to direct Shawn's attention towards a new activity and clean up the large cluster of various sized paper balls. Shawn refused to use the paper balls over again unless he managed to get them into the trash can, claiming that they were unlucky. And even the ones he did manage to toss into the basket were often rendered unusable when they landed in some unnameable goo on the bottom of the trash can. So, Gus also had to continually restock the paper supplies as well. He didn't mind the horrific waste of paper so much though, because it was these small nuances that let him know that his best friend was still in there somewhere.

This morning, Gus had left Shawn watching his extensive collection of DVD's, many of which had been long time favourite movies of both men. Gus had been trying to slowly reintroduce Shawn to all of their favourite movies so that if nothing else, Shawn would hopefully be able to understand what things had made up the foundations of their friendship. At first, Gus had sat with Shawn and watched the movies with him, but that hadn't lasted long. Gus was easily swept up and drawn into then stories told by all of his old favourites, and after a momentous moment or scene would play across the television screen, Gus would turn to Shawn, expecting his friend to be just as enthused about what had happened as Gus was. But every time, Gus would turn only to find Shawn quietly watching the video. Gus would then silently turn his attention back to the screen, his heart sinking a little as he realized that just for a moment, he had again forgotten that Shawn wasn't here anymore.

So, this morning Gus had left Shawn to watch the next movie on the list alone, while he went to his desk and tried to concentrate on his work. As Shawn settled in and focused his attention on the television, Gus was easily able to tune out his surroundings and focus on the task at hand. In fact, his concentration was so deep that when he looked up sometime later he was surprised to find that almost forty five minutes had passed. He looked over in the direction of the television to see how Shawn was enjoying the movie and his brow furrowed in confusion. Shawn wasn't there. Alarmed, Gus called out to his friend as he immediately sprang up from his chair up to see where Shawn had run off to.

"Shawn?" Gus called, trying to hold his rising panic down as he headed towards the front of the office to see if he could spot Shawn outside before he got too far.

Before he could make it, he was stopped by a soft voice coming from the back of the office.

"Gus?"

Gus spun around, and to his relief, there was Shawn, standing at the back of the office by the refrigerator. In his sudden panic, Gus had neglected to check the entire office for his friend, simply expecting after years of experience with Shawn that the worst had happened. He was still getting used to the fact that this was a much milder and more mellowed out version of Shawn.

Gus sighed in relief as he turned and headed back towards his desk. That's when he noticed that Shawn had a knife, and a severely mangled piece of bread in his hands.

"Shawn, what are you doing?"

"I was hungry." Shawn replied, looking back at Gus innocently, "But I think you need to get some new butter, this stuff is really hard, I'm not sure it's good anymore. There's not very much left anyways."

Gus looked down at the mangled and ruined piece of bread in Shawn's hand, then down at the counter to the piece of 'butter' that Shawn had been trying to spread. Gus realized quickly why Shawn was having problems getting it to spread.

"That is not butter Shawn!" Gus exclaimed as he marched over and snatched the object of the counter, "That's my eraser, I've been looking everywhere for that!"

"Oh, why was it in the fridge then?"

"Probably because you put it there Shawn. Why would you even try to use this, it doesn't even look like butter." Gus replied, also noticing that he now had a mess of bread crumbs to clean up from the counter and floor, as well as another sizeable collection of paper balls and an overturned stack of DVD's.

"And why can't you clean up one mess before you move onto something else, for that matter, is there a reason that you can't just finish one thing at a time?" Gus demanded, looking around the messy office space.

Shawn slowly put the knife and bread down on the counter beside him, rubbing his hands together to get rid of the crumbs that stuck to them before he turned back to Gus

"I... I'm sorry Gus, I guess I just got bored." Shawn said, bringing a hand up to rub at his temples while Gus glared at him.

Gus was about to launch into another tirade, but just as he was about to, he glanced up from the mess on the counter and noticed the look on Shawn's face. Shawn was actually sorry that he had made such a mess, and that he had annoyed Gus. Gus also noticed the pinched and tight look of Shawn's features, and the way he was slowly rubbing at his head, as though Gus's yelling had given him a headache. Gus let out a sigh, again, for a brief moment, he had actually forgotten that Shawn was any different than he had always been. He had forgotten that even though these were things Shawn had always done, that it wasn't the Shawn he knew that was doing them now. He so badly wanted his friend back that in those brief moments when Shawn did things like this, he was willing to forget the past few months had ever happened. But every time reality set back in, Gus's heart broke just a little more as he realized how close he was to having his best friend with him, but how impossibly far away Shawn still was.

Gus was starting to apologize and suggest that the two of them clean up then go get something to eat, when the phone suddenly rang. He walked over to grab it, but his hand only grasped empty air. He looked down and noticed that the phone was not where he had last left it. Annoyance welled up inside him, and Gus had to take several deep breaths and remind himself not to be too hard on Shawn.

"Shawn, where did you put the phone?"Gus asked as calmly as he could manage.

"I - I don't know. I thought I'd put it back."

"Well obviously you didn't, because if you had it would be right here."

Another ring pierced through the office and both Shawn and Gus looked towards the direction it had sounded from. The corner of the office that was currently occupied by Shawn's paper ball collection.

Gus walked over and looked down into the trash can. Sure enough another ring confirmed the fact that the noise was indeed coming from the trash bin. He shot Shawn a look that clearly said he was not impressed with what he now had to do, and then plunged his hand into the collection of balled up paper. He rummaged around for a moment and then pulled his hand out, the missing phone clutched safely in his grasp. He looked down and noticed that the missed call had been from Juliet.

There was no point in reminding Shawn for about the hundredth time that once he was done with the phone, it was hardly any effort at all to place it neatly back on the charger. For some reason, Shawn really did seem to have a hard time with that concept. So letting loose another frustrated sigh, Gus silently placed the phone back in its cradle and reached back to his desk for his keys.

"Come on Shawn, I think it's time to go see Lassiter and Juliet."

* * *

As he did most afternoons, Gus dropped Shawn off at the station while he went back to his route and Shawn would gladly follow Santa Barbara's best detectives as they went about their daily work. And all the while, Shawn would take every opportunity available to observe Juliet. Just like that first day he had seen her, something inside of him kept pulling Shawn towards her. Every time she smiled, or looked in his direction, his heart would speed up, beating rapidly in his chest until he was sure that she could see it through his shirt. It was more than just an attraction to a beautiful woman, and he couldn't deny that Juliet wasn't beautiful. Shawn didn't know why but he felt that there had been something more than between them, but he felt as though he had to be with her.

Every moment that he couldn't see her beautiful smile, or hear her soft, soothing voice, he felt as though he was missing something. It's not like this was really a knew feeling for him, he felt like he was missing a lot of things lately. But those feelings were trivial compared to this. He knew that he missed the point of most of Gus's jokes, and he really didn't understand the way that his father treated him like he was some mistake that Henry now had a chance to make right. He didn't remember any of these things, and having no recollection of them eliminated their importance to him. But for some reason, Juliet was different. For the first time, Shawn could feel that without Juliet, he was missing a vital part of himself. And this frustrated him, because he knew that there must have been something important between them, he could feel it as much as he could feel the sun on his face or the wind in his hair. But his mind refused to give up even the slightest hint as to what he should do about it. And Juliet hadn't said anything yet, so Shawn had to satisfy himself with watching her from a distance.

Of course, Shawn wasn't the only one having problems with the current state of affairs. It was especially hard for Juliet to be near Shawn, to be near him every day but know that the man before her wasn't really Shawn. It made it doubly hard knowing that her last words to him had been spoken in anger. Shawn had picked up on some of his old humour from Gus, but it just wasn't the same. Juliet could tell when Shawn was just repeating jokes that he had heard Gus say earlier, they weren't funny or charming anymore, and when he tried to make one of his obscure references, it sounded more like he was spouting off facts, again no doubt given to him by Gus, than trying to make a point. Juliet truly missed the mischievous personality that Shawn possessed.

And she could see Shawn watching her whenever he thought she wasn't paying attention, - but she always noticed. She just didn't want to think about what his attention to her could mean, because she cared for him more than she would like to admit. And Juliet wasn't ready to accept the fact that this Shawn was all she would have. She had never told him what she really felt about him, and now she might never get her chance. All it would take was a smile from him and she could forget for a moment that he wasn't the same. All it would take was a glance in her direction and she could convince herself that nothing was wrong. But then he would call her Juliet instead of Jules and her happy delusion would come crashing down. And she couldn't deny that his presence, or the sound of his voice, or even that lopsided grin didn't arouse feelings inside her, because they did.

So Juliet tried to keep a distance between them. Every time she sensed that Shawn was watching her, which was often, she would send him off on some task, or hastily busy herself with her own work. She still felt bad for the things that she had said to him the day of his accident, even though she knew he did not remember that day. She knew that no one had told Shawn what had happened that morning, Henry and Gus did not know about it, and she knew that Lassiter wouldn't say anything until she did. But still she felt guilty. Despite what the Chief had told her, in some way this was her fault. If she had not been so harsh with Shawn that morning, he would not have headed out of town and wouldn't be like this now.

She looked up from her computer screen to see him starring at her from across the room over the stack of files he was organizing. He was looking at her as though he could almost remember who she was, but she could tell that full realization was still escaping him. He smiled at her as their gazes met, but there was a pinch to his features today that Juliet couldn't quite place.

Giving up on trying to pretend she hadn't noticed him, Juliet shut down her files and headed across the room towards him

"Hey Shawn," Juliet said as she came up next to him.

"Hi Juliet," he replied.

Juliet cringed inwardly. No matter how many times she had told him, Shawn just didn't seem to want to call her Jules. It was strange, he had almost never called her Juliet before, and the truth was she had always enjoyed his cute nickname for her. Now she wished more than anything that he would use it again.

"How 'bout we go grab something to eat."

"Sure," replied Shawn as he put down the files he had been holding, "that sounds like a good idea."

With a smile, Juliet lead Shawn out of the station, telling Lassiter that they would be back on her way out. Henry had told her that, in order to help Shawn get his memories back, it would be best to fully immerse Shawn in his old life. That especially included reintroducing him to situations that had given him strong emotional responses, and Juliet had been trying to think of what she could do to try and force some of Shawn's memories back. She had come up with several ideas, but was hesitant to try them. She knew that all of the things she had come up with had been great moments between her and Shawn, but what if he didn't remember anything from them. What if everything she tried was still not enough to bring him back?

So that day, having finally decided, Juliet took Shawn to the diner where she had first met him. She remembered that day with perfect clarity. It was the first case she had worked on after coming to Santa Barbara and she had been very nervous. She had a small hope that Shawn would actually remember anything about that day, but it was an important memory for her and she really wished that Shawn could remember it too. The two of them entered and Juliet lead Shawn over to a booth by the window.

"This place looks cozy," commented Shawn.

"Yes, it does. It's actually the place where I first met you." She informed him, searching his face for any hint of recognition. But like always, there was nothing.

"Really?" asked Shawn, looking around the diner with renewed interest.

"Um, yeah, it was my first week in Santa Barbara and I was here under cover, I stole your seat. You _would not_ leave me alone when you came back. You figured out that I was a cop, I was pretty impressed."

She smiled back at him, again searching his face for any sign that he remembered anything about that day. But all she got was that same blank stare that he had carried since the accident. The only difference was that today, there was a tension in his face that wasn't usually there, as though something was really bothering him. She was about to ask him about it when his voice broke through her thoughts.

"Juliet?"

Juliet let out a long weary sigh.

"Jules, Shawn, you used to call me Jules." She replied sadly.

"Sorry – Jules," he hesitated a moment on her name, as though he didn't quite believe that he could have ever called her that, "This might be inappropriate, and if it is just tell me, but I just have to ask... I feel like there's some sort of connection between us that I'm missing, something there that I can't see anymore. Were we ever more to each other than co workers?"

She looked up at him for a moment in shock. Wondering how exactly he had figured that out. She hadn't told him anything, and his psychic senses defiantly seemed to be duller than usual since the accident. Yet she somehow doubted that Lassiter or Gus would have said anything about their complicated relationship to Shawn.

"It ...was complicated, Shawn," she answered, hoping that he would accept that answer. He didn't.

"Complicated?" he asked.

"Yes, complicated. Look Shawn, we both had... feelings, for each other. But the time just wasn't right and we hadn't acted on them yet. So yes, we were just co workers, nothing more."

Her answer sounded pathetic even to her own ears, and she could tell that Shawn wasn't satisfied with it either.

"If we were only co workers, how come I feel like I'm drawn to you and no one else?"

Juliet looked at him in shock, not quite sure how to respond to his question. She hadn't been aware that Shawn felt that strongly about her.

"I don't know Shawn."

"I can't stop looking at you, I can't wait to see your smile or hear you laugh and I don't know why. I just want to know why, if I feel like this now without knowing you, why didn't I do anything about it when I knew you?"

A mixed flurry of emotions swept through Juliet as she heard Shawn say these words. A part of her was deeply flattered to hear that he too could feel that undeniable pull towards her, even though he didn't really know who she was. She also had felt that strange feeling towards him, but had never thought that he felt the same. Now she knew.

Shawn watched her as all of these thoughts flash across her face, and he slowly reached his hand across the table to grasp her hand in his own. Surprised at how much excitement flooded through him just to have her hand enclosed in his own. It was the same chill that had swept through him that first day at the station after his accident when he had silenced her by placing his fingers on her perfect lips. He smiled at her, and she began to smile back when all of a sudden a cloud fell over her beautiful features and she pulled her hand away.

"Shawn, I'm so sorry. I just can't, this can't happen right now."

"I'm sorry…what can't happen?" he asked in confusion.

"This, you and me, I can't do this right now. Look, Shawn, I'll be here for you, as long as it takes. You're still in there somewhere, and I won't give up, I can't give up because I won't accept that I've lost you."

"Juliet…" he tried to interrupt, but she just kept talking over top of him.

"You know, there are times that you are so much like you used to be that it's hard to believe that you don't remember, but then you do something. It's always simple, like calling me Juliet instead of Jules, or forgetting to harass Lassiter even when he sets himself up for it, and then I just miss you so much I can barely stand it. This place, this diner, it's really important to me, to us. But you couldn't even remember that it existed, let alone why it's so important. So I won't settle for this Shawn, I just can't. I want you back, Shawn, I need all of you back, no matter how annoying, or immature or just plain stupid the real you gets."

He held her gaze for a moment before looking down at the table.

"I'm sorry Juliet. I want to remember, I really do. But every time I think I might have a hold of something, it slips away, and I can see how sad that makes everyone, but I can't do anything about it. I'm just trying to pick up the pieces and get on with my life."

"I know Shawn, but I can't move on with you right now because I can't stand to see that emptiness in your eyes. I can't stand that there are parts of our relationship, moments that define it for me, that you know nothing about. I'm not saying I don't like you, or don't want you around anymore, I'm just saying that I know you'll find your way back to me again, and I'm willing to wait, as long as it takes. So I guess I just wanted you to know that… that you can count on me to be here as much as you need me. I'll help in any way I can. And I'll be waiting right here for you the whole time, I'll be waiting here to give this...to give us, the chance that we deserve. Do you understand?"

Shawn hesitated for a moment, then slowly nodded.

"I understand," he replied softly, bringing his hand up to rub absently at his temples.

"Good," said Juliet.

Before anymore could be said, the waitress arrived at their table, and after ordering their meals the two of them finished lunch and returned to the station in silence.


	14. Chapter 14: I Won't Let Go

**Chapter Fourteen: I Won't Let Go**

**"It's like a storm that cuts a path, it breaks your will, it feels like that"**

Shawn slowly woke up the next morning to an annoying headache and the sound of two people arguing downstairs. It sounded like his dad and Gus, but that didn't make any sense. They didn't argue. They agreed on everything, especially if it had to do with him. They had agreed that Shawn should move back in with Henry, that he should continue to work at Psych and for the police department, and that Gus should take every opportunity to introduce him to aspects of his life in the hopes it might trigger a memory. But they didn't argue.

Shawn gently moved his fingers across his temples, trying to alleviate the slight pressure that had begun to build up there. It had gotten worse since his lunch with Juliet yesterday, and he was sure that it had something to do with his feelings for her. Or maybe it was just a memory trying to push its way to the surface. Whatever it was, he really just wished that it would stop. The sound of angry voices drifted up the stairs again, and he decided that he had better go see what was going on, so he quickly got dressed and headed silently down the stairs, trying to catch bits of the conversation as he went.

"I don't think it's a good idea Gus."

That was his dad, and he was clearly aggravated by something.

"But you said that anything could help trigger a memory. That Norton is part of who Shawn is, and you know it."

Definitely Gus, and he sounded just as aggravated, although maybe a little nervous and uncertain as well. Shawn wondered who 'Norton' was.

"No. I refuse to ever let that death trap come within sight of this house, it's not going to happen Gus."

"Just once," Gus was begging now, "then if it doesn't work I'll go put it in storage with the rest of his things. It's got to be worth a try."

Henry didn't answer, and Shawn was grateful for the silence. Their voices were definitely not helping his headache. But he wanted to know what they were talking about, so after one last rub at his aching head, he descended the remainder of the stairs and entered the kitchen.

"Morning dad, Gus. What's worth a try?"

His father shot an angry glare at Gus, and Gus looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Nothing Shawn." Henry answered.

Shawn looked between Gus and his father, trying to read off of their reactions. Gus glanced nervously between Shawn and Henry, and Henry shot Gus and Shawn angry glares that clearly portrayed his feelings on the subject, whatever it was. For his part Shawn was more than slightly confused.

"Ok...but then who is Norton?"

Henry snorted.

"Norton isn't a person Shawn, it's your motorcycle." Gus tried to explain

"I named my bike?" Shawn asked, "isn't that a little creepy? I must have really loved that thing."

Henry just shook his head, continuing to glare at Gus as he continued to explain.

"No, you didn't name your bike, that's what kind of bike it is Shawn."

"Oh, well that makes more sense I guess, not quite as exciting though," he paused, glancing over to his father, who was still glaring daggers at Gus, "You don't want me to drive it do you?" he asked.

"No Shawn, I don't. I never wanted you to drive that thing, but you never listened when I told you..."

Henry stopped himself before he could launch into another rant, he knew it was pointless, Shawn wouldn't know what he was talking about anyways. Shawn could see the sudden hurt fill his father's eyes. It was that same look that interrupted all of the happy moments they had experienced since Shawn had got out of the hospital. It was the look that Henry got every time he realized that Shawn didn't remember something. It was disappointment, although whether it was disappointment at Shawn's actions, or was simply because Henry missed his son, Shawn could never tell. But there was something else, something different in Henry's face now. There was more to this than the usual sadness Henry felt whenever Shawn failed to remember something. Shawn knew that a motorcycle accident was the cause of his memory loss, but his father rarely spoke of it, and hadn't ever mentioned the fact that the bike was still fixable, or that he had ever had one before. So Shawn put the pieces together.

"We argued about it a lot didn't we?"

Henry looked up and met Shawn's gaze, still slightly amazed at how perceptive his son was. He had never fully realized how much of his son's gifts were pure, raw talent that had nothing to do with Henry's years of training.

"Yeah we argued. You'd always do whatever you wanted anyways." Henry answered gruffly.

"We argued about it that night, the night I had my accident?"

Henry only nodded, Gus looked over at Henry in disbelief.

"You never told him?" Gus demanded.

"Told me what?" Shawn asked, a puzzled look coming over his face.

"Not now Gus," Henry stated flatly, narrowing a look on Gus that clearly said there was not to be another word uttered if Gus wanted to make it out of the house in one piece.

Gus looked like he wanted to say more, but Henry continued to stare at him until Gus finally let out the breath he had been holding and deflated right in front of Shawn's eyes. Henry gave a satisfied nod and returned to fixing breakfast.

"Does anyone want to tell me what exactly is going on?" Shawn asked, frustrated at the obvious fact that both men were keeping something from him. And based on their reactions, it was something important.

Gus didn't say anything, he just continued to stare at Henry. Shawn knew that look, he had seen it a few times now. It meant that Gus was not about to help his father out of a situation that he clearly believed was solely Henry's creation.

"Not now kid," said Henry, handing Shawn a plate of food, "Why don't you just eat your breakfast, you're going to be late if you don't hurry."

Realizing that he wasn't going to get anything else out of his father right now, Shawn dropped into a chair at the table. He wasn't really hungry, his headache taking away most of his appetite, but he knew that if he didn't eat something Henry would get suspicious, and he didn't want to cause anymore problems right now. So he picked at his food until Henry grumbled at him to get going before he wasted more of the day.

* * *

Shawn was quiet today, and it was bothering Juliet. He had barely said anything to her since their conversation at lunch yesterday and she was concerned that she had gone too far. They were currently on their way to check out a crime scene that was located out of town a few miles, and as the Chief had requested, Shawn was tagging along. But there was definitely something off about him today, she could feel it. Juliet kept look back to check on him, and each time he was just sitting there, leaning his head against the side of the window and shielding his eyes. Maybe he was just tired, but she had a feeling that it was something more. She vaguely recalled the tensed and pinched look that she had noticed on his face the day before and wondered if that was the cause of his current withdrawn silence. It was definitely better than the alternative, that he was hurt over what she had said to him yesterday.

"Are you feeling alright Shawn?" she asked, turning around in her seat to get a better look, unable to ignore his silence any longer.

"Huh?" asked Shawn, opening his eyes to see Juliet's concerned face staring at him, "Oh, yeah I'm fine."

Lassiter took a quick look back at their passenger, his usual scowl fixed on his face ,although now Shawn knew that it was more for show than anything else.

"He's being quiet…for a change, let's just enjoy it O'Hara."

Juliet shot a glare at her partner.

"Carlton."

Lassiter looked at her and let out a sigh.

"Alright, I'm sorry," he said to Juliet before addressing Shawn over his shoulder, "Spencer, if you're not feeling well you need to let us know so we can drop you off with your father, or Guster."

"I'm fine, detective, really." Shawn answered quietly from the back seat.

"There…see O'Hara, he says he's fine. So let's just enjoy the silence while we can. God knows when his memories are going to start coming back and then we won't be able to shut him up again."

Juliet frowned at Lassiter, she didn't know why he was being so insensitive, but she guessed that as long as Shawn said he was fine, there was nothing she could do about it but keep an eye on him. So she turned back around in her seat and tried to occupy herself with staring out the window at the passing streets.

As silence settled back over the car, Shawn once again leaned his head against the car window. The surface was cool and was providing some relief to his throbbing head, despite the continued vibrations he could feel as the car hummed along the road. The sun disappeared behind a cloud, and Shawn took the opportunity to watch as his surroundings disappeared behind him. The headache that had started yesterday had only continued to grow in intensity overnight, and was now a constant pounding in his head.

He continued to look out the window for several minutes, until the blur of objects past his sight began to swarm and meld together in a dizzying blur. Then he closed his eyes again, revelling in the soothing feel of the car speeding along the open road. Shawn didn't know why, but this feeling soothed him more than anything else had. It soothed him more than the cool window, more than the comforting words and the fruitless attempts to help him remember, even more than the odd satisfaction he got whenever Juliet was around. It reached down deep inside of him and settled everything, giving him a true sense of happiness, and for the first time since he had woken up to this strange new existence, Shawn felt at peace with himself. At least until his head decided to kick up the torment another notch.

Shawn risked opening his eyes again just as they rounded a corner in the road. As his vision swan and struggled to focus, he caught a glimpse of a road sign, leaning slightly off center on the shoulder of the road. Suddenly, a searing hot flash of pain erupted across his head, almost causing Shawn to gasp aloud at the intensity of it. He quickly clenched his eyes shut tight, and as yellow dots flashed painfully across his vision. He watched as two of them seemed hover together, the distinct outline of some type of animal forming around them. Shawn starred at the image that had formed behind his closed eyelids for a moment before a vision of him gliding through a black, cold and wet world flashed across his mind. It lasted a fraction of a second before Shawn had the distinct feeling that he was then launched into dark, swirling sky around him.

Shawn didn't know that Lassiter had just passed the exact spot where he had crashed his bike months earlier. No one had actually told him what had happened that night. Henry wasn't ready to talk about it yet, and everyone else silently agreed that it should be up to Henry to at least tell Shawn about the crash and the events that followed. So Shawn had no idea what the images that had just flashed across his mind could possibly mean, and frankly, he was in too much agony to care. Instead, he focused on taking long deep breaths, trying to lessen the merciless pounding in his head.

The rapid blur of objects flashing by the windows of the car had not helped any, nor had the bright glare from the sun earlier. The pain had barely allowed him to touch his breakfast that morning, and he spent the rest of ride either shielding his eyes from the world outside the vehicle, or closing them altogether to keep the nausea at bay. He concentrated on taking long, deep breaths, trying hard not to think about anything.

They arrived at the crime scene after what seemed like hours in the car to Shawn, but was probably no longer than twenty or thirty minutes later. This had to be more than just a simple headache, and it was definitely getting harder and harder to concentrate. The pressure in his head was now slightly less than unbearable. But he really didn't want to worry anyone. They all worried about him too much as it was. He could get through this, and then go home and rest. At least that's what he told himself, but it was becoming increasingly hard to carry on as though nothing was wrong.

When Lassiter parked the car out in front of the house of the murder victim they were investigating, Shawn gingerly eased himself out of the car, not failing to notice how Juliet watched him with a concerned look on her face. He had soon forgotten his conversation with her yesterday, as the pounding in his head had increased and demanded all of his attention. He put on a brave face, hoping to throw Juliet off long enough to get into the house where she would hopefully become engaged in the investigation, leaving him free from her prying eyes. He squinted his eyes as close to shut as he could get them and put his hand up to shield out the rest of the sun as he followed closely behind Juliet.

It worked and Shawn made it into the house without arousing further suspicion. He continued to follow Juliet and entered the room where the victim was right behind her. Thinking he was safe from the effects of the harsh outdoor light, Shawn stopped and opened his eyes to look at his surroundings.

He was immediately assaulted by the details surrounding him, and despite the pain in his head, his mind raced ahead, drawing in any detail it could and storing it for later. He noticed the scuff marks on the floor, the disturbed dust pattern on the bookcase, the spilled water glass, and the thousand other details that leapt at him. He could no more stop the large intake of details than he could stop the continually growing pounding in his head, and his body compensated the only way that it could. Nausea flooded over Shawn in waves, and the only way he managed to stay upright and keep what little breakfast he had managed to eat in his stomach was to close his eyes while sagging backwards to lean against the wall behind him.

He continued to stand there, waiting for the waves of dizziness to leave and his stomach to settle when he felt to gentle hands come to rest on his shoulders.

"Shawn?" asked a gentle voice.

Juliet, it was Juliet. Despite everything, Shawn felt his heart flutter at her touch, and the fact that she was so near. He took in a deep steadying breath and chanced opening his eyes to look at her.

"Shawn, are you alright? You're really pale, and you're shaking. Maybe you should sit down."

Shawn nodded in agreement, but the room was still spinning around him and he knew that he would never make it anywhere that Juliet would approve of. So he simply allowed his legs to buckle underneath him and slid down the wall to the floor, a small groan escaping past his lips.

"Shawn!" Juliet called out, startled by his sudden collapse.

"It's alright Juliet," Shawn said through clenched teeth. His position on the floor was already starting to help, and he could feel the nausea slowly ebbing away, "I'm just a little dizzy. Let me sit here for a while."

Before Juliet could answer, Lassiter was with them, scowling down at them. But even through his pain filled haze, Shawn could see the concern he was trying to hide.

"Spencer, I thought I told you to let us know if you weren't feeling well."

"Carlton, do you think you could show some compassion, just once?" snapped Juliet

"It's alright, Juliet," Shawn said, trying to calm her before he turned his attention back to Lassiter, "Sorry detective, I'm just a little dizzy, I thought it would go away, I guess I was wrong."

Lassiter looked shocked that he was actually getting an apology from Shawn.

"Alright then, "Lassiter said, checking his watch and looking back towards Juliet, who was still crouched down beside Shawn, " O'Hara, why don't we finish up here and then we'll take Spencer home?"

Juliet hesitated, not wanting to leave Shawn here alone.

"I'll be alright," he said, trying to reassure her that he would be fine on his own for a few minutes.

"Are you sure Shawn, I don't mind waiting here with you."

"He'll be fine, O'Hara, " barked Lassiter, " Spencer, I trust you can manage to stay put for a while? Whatever you do, just don't throw up and contaminate my crime scene."

"Sure," replied Shawn letting the corners of his mouth turn up in a half smile, more to assure Juliet than anything.

It worked, and she rose to follow Lassiter after she gave Shawn's arm a gentle squeeze and shot him another concerned look.

"Oh and detective," Shawn said as they began to walk away, "She wasn't killed here."

Lassiter looked back at Shawn, surprise that the younger man had still managed to come up with some useful information written all over his face. Then he turned back to Juliet and the two of them devoted their full attention to the job at hand. While the two of them finished up examining the crime scene, Shawn leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, trying not to let the pain he was feeling show itself on his face.

* * *

When Juliet and Lassiter finally dropped him off at his father's house at the end of the day, Shawn walked straight past his father and up the stairs to his room. He didn't want Henry to worry about him any more than he already did, so he simply claimed that he was tired and planned on taking a nap. Besides that, with any luck, a nap would be all he needed to put this horrible headache behind him and then things could get back to normal, or at least whatever it was that passed for normal these days. Henry said nothing, assuming that Shawn was still upset about the argument he had had with Gus that morning. So Henry just stood and watched his son trudge up the stairs and off to bed, only noticing how exhausted and tense his son looked as he walked up the stairs.

Shawn slept through dinner and woke shortly after midnight because the pounding in his head had finally grown to such a level that even his unconscious mind could ignore it no longer. He tossed and turned in his bed, clutching at the sides of his head until he realized that until he found a way to ease the pain, he would not find sleep again.

So he reluctantly and slowly got up and made his way downstairs where he lowered himself onto his father's couch and began alternating between gently massaging his temples and rhythmically rocking back and forth in an attempt to ease the stabbing pain.

But nothing helped and the night drug on in a blur of pain. Finally, just after dawn, when complete exhaustion overtook him, Shawn managed to find a small amount of relief and partially doze off just as his father woke up and came down the stairs. The echo of each of his father's footsteps on the stairs sent new waves of pain searing through his head, and quickly broke through his light doze, bringing him back to consciousness and full awareness of the horrible, relentless pain once again. Shawn leaned over the edge of the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and lowered his head so that he could use the heels of his palms to massage his head in slow circular motions. Meanwhile his father had entered the living room and noticed Shawn sitting there in the early morning light.

"Shawn, what are you doing up so early?" asked Henry, making his way over to his son, coming to a stop directly in front of him.

"Nothing," muttered Shawn without looking up at his father. He really just wished that he could find a way to make the pain in his head go away.

"Shawn?" questioned Henry, noting the way his son was behaving, "are you ok son?"

Shawn still did not look up at his father, but mumbled into his hands as he continued to massage his aching forehead.

Henry grew more concerned now, noticing how every muscle in his son's body was tensed. Shawn hadn't stopped digging the heels of his palms into his forehead and Henry's concern turned to worry as he realized that the apparent headache that his son was experiencing might be indicating some other problem. The headache coupled with Shawn's recent head injury was definitely a cause for a hospital visit in Henry's opinion, which really wasn't how he wanted to spend a Saturday morning, but Shawn had an uncanny ability of picking the worst moments to develop problems. Kneeling down so that he could get a better look at his son, Henry gently laid a hand on Shawn's shoulder. It was tense, every muscle pulled tight, and Henry could feel the slight tremors running through his son's body.

"Shawn, can you look at me kid? How long has this been going on?"

Shawn stopped what he was doing and raised his head so that he was looking directly into Henry's concerned face. Henry could immediately see the exhaustion and pain reflected back in his son's eyes. Shawn had been decently effective at hiding his true feelings from Henry before the accident, but he had more or less lost that ability since then, so it was easy for Henry to tell exactly what he was feeling now.

"Not long, it got bad last night," Shawn said quietly in answer to Henry's question.

"Shawn, you should have told me, I think we should go get you checked out."

A new fear settled into Shawn's eyes, and his head snapped up immediately, causing him to wince as the movement sent a new flash of pain across his skull.

"Am I going to lose all of my memories again?"

Henry looked at his son, trying to hide his own fears, "No, Shawn. I'm sure you'll be fine, but we just want to make sure. Now come on kid, we can stop for breakfast on the way home."

"I think I remembered something, dad."

Henry looked at his son, surprised.

"Really, what did you remember Shawn?" he asked his son.

"It was dark, and cold, and wet."

"What was Shawn?"

"I don't know," he admitted, his voice tense.

Henry sighed. It was possible his son had actually remembered something, but it was so vague that it could mean nothing as well. Shawn was obviously in a lot of pain, and Henry wasn't entirely sure it wasn't some sort of delusion.

"Alright, we'll worry about it later kid. Right now we have to get this taken care of."

He slowly helped Shawn get to his feet, keeping both hands on his son's shoulders as the change in position caused Shawn to wince in pain and sway slightly as waves of nausea passed over him.

"Easy there kid," soothed Henry, his concern growing with each passing moment. The sooner he could get his son to the hospital better he would feel.

Shawn let out a small groan, his hands coming back up to grasp at his head, which was still pounding mercilessly and feeling more and more like it was going to explode. He took a few steps before a fresh wave of pain seared across his head and his legs gave way. Henry's firm grip was the only thing that kept him from collapsing onto the floor.

"It's ok kid," Henry soothed, "Let's just take this one step at a time."

Slowly, and supporting most of his son's weight, Henry helped Shawn out to his truck. He helped Shawn climb into the passenger seat, noting with great concern that Shawn had his eyes clenched tightly shut and had not reopened them since leaving the house. His son's face was contorted with lines of pain and exhaustion, and Henry hastily made his way around the truck to climb into the driver's seat. He fired up the engine, looking over at Shawn, who had rested his head against the window. The glass was cool, and appeared to be helping to ease his son's discomfort, at least a little anyways. But Shawn still had a hand up, shielding his eyes from the growing morning light while he attempted to massage the pain out of his head.

Henry quickly pulled out of his driveway and drove as fast as he could to the hospital, knowing that even if he was stopped, which was unlikely as most of the SBPD knew who he was, one look at Shawn would prevent any further delay from the authorities. By the time that Henry pulled up to the emergency room entrance, Shawn was more or less unresponsive, and Henry was forced to seek assistance to get his son out of the vehicle.

Once Henry had helped a small army of nurses load Shawn into a wheel chair, he followed close behind them, giving them all of the information he knew about what was wrong with his son. Which he realized, wasn't much. All Henry knew was that Shawn had seemed less himself yesterday than he already was. He had been quiet and withdrawn all day, and Henry had just assumed that he was tired. Now he realized that he should have paid more attention to his son. But he was so tired of being worried about Shawn.

They had reached the end of the hallway, and one of the nurses turned to stop Henry from following them any farther through the double swinging doors marked 'staff only'.

"You need to wait here sir," was all she said in her calm, professional voice, "Please fill out the paperwork and we'll let you know what is happening with your son as soon as we can."

With that, she turned and left Henry waiting there alone, not understanding exactly what had just happened, or what was wrong with his son this time. With a weary sigh that came up from the very depths of his soul, Henry turned and headed back toward the nurses' station to fill out the required paperwork and wait.


	15. Chapter 15: Love You're Memory

**Author's Note: **So first off, thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, you guys make my day :) Next, I just wanted to say that basically, my medical knowledge extends to basic internet searches and whatever I happen to read in other stories... so please forgive me if this is not entirely accurate, and just go with it. Hope you enjoy! :)

**Chapter Fifteen: Love You're Memory**

**"I don't want to see you, or feel you, I don't want to look into your eyes, I don't want to touch you or miss you, I just want to love your memory tonight."**

It was a long time before someone came out into the waiting room to let them know how Shawn was doing. By this point, Gus had also been notified and had joined Henry in the waiting room, trying to offer whatever comfort he could. Henry had alternated between pacing back and forth across the small room, and sitting periodically in one of the uncomfortable chairs. He had been told shortly after Shawn had been admitted that there had been a recurrence of fluid build up around Shawn's brain that had been the original cause of his coma. Haematoma was the term that the doctors had used. It would require surgery to drain immediately in order to relieve the pressure and prevent any further damage.

This was what had been causing Shawn's headache. Since then, Henry had heard no more news on how Shawn was doing, and he was slowly losing control of his patience, occasionally snapping at Gus, even though he knew the younger man was only trying to help. Every so often, a doctor or nurse would emerge, and Henry would immediately rise or stop his pacing and watch expectantly, hoping to hear that his son was going to be alright.

Finally, a doctor emerged and headed in their direction.

"You're the family of Shawn Spencer?" he asked

"Yes, replied Henry immediately, "How is my son doing? Is he alright?"

"He made it through surgery alright and is in recovery right now. But we'll have to wait until he wakes up to determine if there were any complications."

Henry listened intently as the doctor went on to explain that they believed there would be no further problems, but he was concerned that this had occurred at all, especially given Shawn's recent history, and they wouldn't be able to tell for sure if there would be any further damage as a result until he woke up again. They expected that he would be able to continue on with his life as he had been but there was the possibility that his memories had been wiped clean again, or that there might be some other problems. The only thing that Henry knew for sure was that nothing was certain, he would have to wait for Shawn to wake up.

As the doctor finished relaying his news, Henry just continued to stand there, trying to process what he had been told. He was way past being tired and reaching the limits of what he could deal with. Gus came up behind him and placed a comforting hand on Henry's shoulder.

"When can we see him?" Gus asked quietly.

"I can take you to see him now if you'd like." Answered the doctor.

Henry and Gus followed him to Shawn's room, where he left the two of them just outside the door with a sympathetic smile.

Henry stayed by Shawn's side through the night, sleeping uncomfortably in the chair beside his son's bed. Gus had stayed until the end of visiting hours, but then left with the promise of returning first thing in the morning. He had called the station to inform the Chief of Shawn's condition, and she had sadly told Gus that she would let Lassiter and Juliet know. So now, all they could do was wait and hope that when Shawn woke up he would be alright.

Later the next afternoon, both Lassiter and Juliet came down to see how things were going. It was evident from his rumpled clothing and haggard expression that Henry had not yet left his son's side. Juliet could immediately tell that he was stiff, tired and getting cranky, on top of being worried for his son.

"How is he doing Mr. Spencer?" asked Juliet quietly.

"There's been no change," Henry replied simply, as he leaned forward in his chair and rubbed his hands over his tired eyes. He was really beginning to look old, Juliet thought.

"Looks like you didn't get much sleep last night Henry," commented Lassiter, "Why don't you go home and freshen up, maybe take a nap, O'Hara and I can stay here until you get back."

Henry hesitated, and Juliet walked over to him and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"It's ok, you can go. We'll be right here and if he wakes up I'll call you right away." Juliet said softly

When this still didn't sway Henry she added, "He's going to be alright, you'll see."

Henry scoffed, "This is Shawn we're talking about, he's never alright."

"Be that as it may," Juliet said, offering him a knowing smile, "Running yourself into the ground does no one any good. You need to get some rest."

Still Henry hesitated.

"I can take you in my car if you'd like." Offered Lassiter, "That way we can get there and back faster. But you should really get some rest Henry, O'Hara's right, there's nothing you can do for him now anyways, and he'll need you when he wakes up."

Finally Henry relented, getting up and giving Shawn's hand a final squeeze before turning to leave with Lassiter, "Alright let's go. But you better call me as soon as he wakes up. And Gus said he would be by again sometime this afternoon...thanks detective."

Juliet nodded and took up Henry's position in the chair beside Shawn's bed as Henry and Lassiter exited the room. She settled herself and then looked over at Shawn. His head was wrapped tightly in white bandages, hiding his great hair from view. Something Juliet knew that Shawn would have been really offended by if he were able to. She reached over and grasped his hand in hers, it was warm, assuring her that he was in fact still alive. She sighed, she had so many things that she wanted to say to him, that she hadn't had the chance to when he was still here, when he still knew who she was. She always thought that she would have so much time. After all, they were both young, and healthy, there had been no reason to suspect that there was a limit on their time together. But apparently there was, and now that she couldn't, all Juliet could think about was all the things she had always wanted to tell him.

And of course Juliet still carried her own guilt over the events that had occurred which brought them to this place. She knew at this moment, Shawn probably couldn't hear her, but this was probably as good a moment as any.

"Shawn," she started quietly, leaning in towards him, "I don't know if you can hear me or not, but there are some things that I need to tell you, things you need to know. You really need to come back, Shawn. We all still need you really bad. Your father especially. I know you didn't think that he cared that much, but this has been really hard on him, and I know you don't want to see him suffer like this."

There was no response from the man in the bed, the only assurance that Juliet had that he was even still there was the constant beeping of the heart monitor, so she continued.

"And then there's Gus, Shawn. He needs you to help him loosen up a bit. You know that without you he would just work himself to death. You need to be here to remind him that he can laugh and enjoy life every once in a while. Then there's the Chief, and Lassiter, they need you to help with all of the unsolvable cases that have been piling up since you've been gone. I know that Carlton says you annoy him to no end and he tries to make everybody think that he doesn't care, but that's not true Shawn. He really thinks of you as one of us now, and it would just kill him if you didn't make it through this."

There was still no movement from Shawn, and Juliet stopped to wipe at the slight moisture that had begun to build up in her eyes before she continued.

"And there's me Shawn. I need you too. I need you to pull through this, I need you to walk into that station every day and make jokes, and play pranks, and bug Lassiter. I need you to crash crimes scenes and make wild accusations. I need you to come back so that I can tell you how sorry I am about what happened. I need to make things right between us again, Shawn. I need you to come back so that I can finally tell you that... well, that I love you. I guess what I'm trying to say is I need you. I can't imagine what it would be like without you, you've become such an important part of my life here. I need to hear you say my name again, and I need to see your face light up when I walk into the room, so that mine will do the same. So please, don't go anywhere, but if you can't do it for me, then for your dad, and Gus. They need you the most."

Still getting no response from Shawn, Juliet stood up and leaned over, gently placing a kiss on Shawn's cheek, a single tear sliding down her own. Then, she sat back down, while wiping at the moisture with her sleeve. She knew he might not have heard a word of that, but Juliet liked to believe that deep down, wherever Shawn was hiding, he had heard her and was trying to find his way back. Feeling a little better, Juliet grabbed the paper that had been placed next to the chair and began reading through it...it was going to be a long night.

Shawn woke up three days later. Henry and Gus had been sitting in silence, Henry distractedly reading a fishing magazine while Gus worked on his paperwork from his rounds. A slight rustling and movement captured Henry's attention. Glancing over to see his son looking around the room, Henry immediately leapt up out of his chair to be at his son's side.

"Shawn?" asked Henry, unable to keep the note of desperate hope out of voice.

Shawn focused his attention on Henry, and a tense moment filled the room as Gus and Henry waited for Shawn to answer.

"Shawn, do you know who I am?" Henry asked again, trying very hard to keep his composure.

"Dad?" came Shawn's eventual response.

His voice was hoarse and weak, but Henry let out the breath he had been holding.

"You remember who I am kid?" asked Henry, allowing the relief he felt to echo in his words.

"Yeah," croaked Shawn in his dry voice, and Henry smiled, grasping Shawn's hand tightly in his own.

Shawn pulled through without any further memory loss, or complications, but he didn't gain any of his old memories back either. His brief recollection from earlier that week was brushed off as a pain filled hallucination by Henry as he began to realize that he may have to simply accept the fact that Shawn may never remember his past, and that this was the person that his son was going to be for the rest of his life. So with a weariness to his step, and a heaviness in his heart he could no longer deny, Henry helped load Shawn into his truck at the end of the week and silently drove home.


	16. Chapter 16: How Long Gone

**Chapter Sixteen: How Long Gone**

**"How am I supposed to make any plans when I still don't even understand if your ever gonna come back home to me."**

Life quickly returned to normal after Shawn was released from the hospital for the second time in as many months. He still spent his mornings with his father or Gus, and afternoons tailing Juliet and Lassiter. In fact if anything at all had changed, it was that Henry was now more observant than ever of his son. He was always looking for any hint that anything could be wrong, and if Shawn so much as sneezed, Henry would be watching him like a hawk.

There were other subtle changes as well. The most important being that Henry had stopped pressuring Shawn to remember anything at all, including how many hats, ties or towels with stripes were in the room. Shawn knew that his father had not given up on getting him back, he could still see the hurt in his eyes whenever he answered a question wrong, it was just that Henry had gotten tired of fighting. Just the other day, Henry had asked Shawn if he would like to go fishing. Shawn had answered yes, and immediately had seen that look come over his father's face. He didn't know what was wrong with what he had said, and Henry never explained it.

And to tell the truth, Shawn was too tired to care about finding out. He was tired of everything. Tired of disappointing everyone because he couldn't remember anything, especially when it came to his father and Juliet. He was tired of feeling lost, and he was tired of the awkward and uncertain silences that followed him wherever he went, whenever people didn't know how to talk to a man they had known for years, but who no longer knew anything about them. Shawn didn't know who he was, he didn't know what he was supposed to be, and he felt as though everyone who tried to tell him was only giving him part of the information, not the whole picture. He might not claim to be psychic anymore, but he could tell that there were things that he was purposely not being told. Especially concerning the events that had occurred on the night he had his accident. He had still retained the blurry, pain filled memory he had glimpsed in Lassiter's car. But his perceptions of that day were so hazy, that he wasn't entirely sure it wasn't just a hallucination. So he didn't bring it up again, hoping that if it was really a memory, it would clear up and come back to him in time. More than anything, what Shawn really wanted was to have everyone stop treating him like he was going to fall apart or vanish into thin air at any moment. He wanted to move on and live his life, not remain stuck in a past he couldn't, and probably never would, remember.

It was for this reason that he had agreed to Gus's rather cryptic request to hang out together one afternoon a week and a half after he was released from the hospital. Henry was sceptical, but Shawn hadn't had a return of his headaches and everything seemed to be moving on smoothly. There was really no reason to deny his son time with his best friend, so Henry had said nothing when Shawn told him that Gus would be picking him up that afternoon.

Henry was just finishing up with the last of the dishes from lunch, while Shawn sat at the table, staring at nothing again, when Gus arrived.

"Hey Mr. Spencer, Shawn, you ready?" Gus asked as Henry gave him a quick nod and Shawn pulled himself out of whatever daydream he had been having.

"Yeah," Shawn replied, getting up to leave with Gus.

"Good, I have something waiting outside for you, I think you're gonna like it."

Henry's interest spiked at this, wondering what Gus could possibly be up to. Dishes forgotten, he followed Gus and his son as they made their way outside. Gus hadn't mentioned anything to him, and Henry was curious to see what he could possibly have for Shawn to see. He made it out onto the porch before he stopped dead in his tracks at the sight before him.

Shawn's bike.

It was sitting there, at the end of his sidewalk, glistening in the late afternoon sunlight. Not so much as a scratch evident on is glossy black body.

"What's this?" Shawn was asking Gus as the two of them approached the bike.

"This is your bike Shawn. I got it fixed for you, I thought you might like to have it back one day."

Shawn appeared to be mesmerized by the bike, he took the last two steps towards it, slowly and tentatively reaching his fingers out to run them across the handle bars.

"It's beautiful," Shawn said to Gus.

Henry couldn't move, he could barely think straight. The sight of that bike brought back a cascade of memories and emotions slamming down on him. Their weight crushed him so that all he could do was stand there and stare as his son continued to explore the sleek curves of the Norton. Henry finally managed to pull himself back together just as Gus, with a huge smile spread across his face made the one suggestion that Henry could not handle right now.

"Why don't you hop on Shawn, see how she feels, I'm sure you can get her started up."

Shawn swung his leg over and climbed on the bike, and Henry launched himself down the sidewalk with a speed he did not know he still possessed.

"No!" Henry barked as he reached the end of the walkway and grabbed the handle firmly in his hand.

Gus knew that tone, he'd heard Henry use it on Shawn on plenty of occasions before this. It was the one he used when Shawn had pushed him too far and he wasn't going to put up with his son's excuses anymore. This tone meant business, and Gus backed up immediately. But Shawn could not remember having heard this tone from his father before, and he didn't understand why Henry was so upset.

"Dad, what...?"

"No, Shawn," Henry cut him off, pure authority echoing through every carefully articulated syllable, "Get off of this thing right now."

Shawn looked confused, but he did as he was told, shooting a puzzled glance in Gus's direction.

"Why dad? I don't understand." Shawn asked. But Gus interrupted before Henry could answer.

"I'm sorry Mr. Spencer, I know you didn't want this but..." Gus stammered, " I... I just thought, he loved this thing so much, maybe it would help him remember."

"No Gus, I'll try anything, but not this. I thought I made that perfectly clear the last time. You need to take this thing out of here now. I'm really sorry you wasted your time and money on it, but I can't have it here."

"Why not?" Shawn demanded, his voice stronger now, more insistent on an answer. "If it was mine, and I liked it so much, why can't I have it here?"

Henry growled, frustration showing clearly on his face, "It's always about this dam bike isn't it?"

"What do you mean always? I know I had my accident on it, but why is it such a big deal to you that it's here now?"

Shawn was starring at Henry, and seemed genuinely confused at his father's angry feelings towards this object. Gus looked back and forth between father and son, and that's when he realized.

"You still haven't told him." Gus asked in complete disbelief, staring at Henry.

"Didn't tell me what?" asked Shawn, his frustration growing.

Henry shot Gus a glare, "Shawn get back in the house, now."

Shawn stood there for a moment, but even missing the ability to tell exactly how angry Henry was, he knew that his father was in no mood to be argued with, and expected him to just do as he was told. So with a frustrated growl of his own, he stormed off into the house, leaving Gus and his father alone out on the street.

"You didn't tell him did you?" Gus questioned Henry again as soon as Shawn had slammed the door closed behind him.

"No I didn't." Henry replied. It was a short, simple answer, and Henry's tone made it clear that he didn't expect to have to explain himself further.

But Gus wasn't ready to let the issue go. That argument that Shawn had had with Henry the night of his accident was a critical reason for why things were the way there were now, and Gus believed that Shawn had a right to know that.

"Why?"

Henry didn't answer, he just looked around, noticing that there were a few neighbours looking there way with interest, probably having noticed his sprint from the house to the end of his yard. They were no doubt curious as to what was going on, people were always drawn to conflict.

"Not out here Gus, let's go back to the kitchen, I have dishes to finish washing."

Gus relented, following Henry back into the house, seeing no signs of Shawn on the way. He must have gone up to his room. Once they had made it back into the kitchen and Henry had resumed his washing activities, Gus repeated his question.

"Why."

"Because he doesn't need to know." Henry replied, his voice a harsh whisper as he tried to keep the conversation from drifting up to Shawn.

Gus couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"So your justnot going to tell him that he went into a coma, lost his memories because you two had a fight and you kicked him out?"

Henry scrubbed furiously at the plate in his hands.

"No Gus, I'm not. I don't see how that could possibly help anything."

"He deserves to know."

Henry rinsed the bubble of the plate and placed it in the other side of the sink, turning back to look at Gus.

"Why? He doesn't remember it anyways, even if I tell him it isn't going to mean anything. It's been over two months and he hasn't even had one thing come back, who's to say he'll ever remember anything. Telling him isn't going to fix anything and it isn't going to bring him back. Don't you think that I don't regret what I did every day? I do, I know that this is my fault. If I could have just let it go and taken him to the hospital, maybe none of this would have happened and I'd still have my son, instead of this empty person that looks and sounds like Shawn, but will never be my son."

Gus stared at Henry for a moment, not sure what to say. This was the most pure, straight, out in the open honesty he had ever heard from Henry, and he knew the older man was revealing a part of himself right now that he rarely let anyone else see. Gus knew that Henry was beating himself up about the last fight he had had with his son, but he never realized just how bad it was eating away at him.

"I'm sorry Mr. Spencer, I didn't mean it that way. I know you care about him, I just think he has a right to know, " Gus paused a moment, looking Henry straight in the eyes, "I miss Shawn too. I guess I'm just wondering if we'll ever get him back. I keep thinking that maybe if we tell him everything, then maybe somehow, he'll just be ok again. I know it sounds bad, but I almost wish he would fight with you again, just once, so things would be at least somewhat normal. I want him to change all of my passwords, and spray whipped cream all over my paperwork, and I want him argue with me over stupid things. It's hard, I miss my friend."

Henry leaned back against the counter, the anger he felt about the motorbike suddenly draining out of him, to be replaced with the same tired sadness he had felt since a week after Shawn's accident.

"Yeah, it is hard. I just don't know what to do anymore Gus. You know he actually agreed to go fishing with me? I asked him, expecting some lame excuse, but all he said was ok. That's not my son, that's not the Shawn that I knew, and I don't know what to do anymore."

Silence stretched between them, and then, just as Gus was about to say something, the silence was broken by the sound of the front door closing. It was soft, barely audible, but Henry's head shot up immediately, his senses as acute as ever.

"Shawn?" he called out, but there was no answer.

Giving Gus a puzzled look, Henry pushed himself up and went to see what his son was up to. Shawn's shoes were missing from their spot by the door. They had been there only minutes before when he and Gus had entered the house. Then he heard a sound that stopped his heart cold. The rumbling of an engine that could only be coming from Shawn's bike. He bolted out the door, Gus close on his heels just in time to see the last of the cursed machine disappearing around the corner.

"Shawn!" he yelled out as fear gripped him.

But the only the only answer he got was another roar from the engine of Shawn's bike as it sped of around the corner and out of sight. Henry planted both of his hands on the railing of his porch, leaning forward and bowing his head down as he tried to calm the fear that was rising in his chest.

"Do you think he heard us?" asked Gus fearfully, coming to stand beside Henry.

"I don't know, I hope not. We need to find him, hopefully before he hurts himself."

Gus only nodded, his mind already going through the hundreds of possibilities for where Shawn could have gone.

"Alright," Henry said, drawing Gus's attention back to the present, "I'll take my truck and look for him, you check in his usual spots. I'm going to call the Chief and let her know what's happened, maybe an officer will recognize him and can pick him up."

Gus agreed and the two of them separated and went to look for Shawn.

* * *

It was several hours later when Gus finally found Shawn. They had looked everywhere for him, including his old apartment, the Psych office and anywhere else they thought he might have gone. Henry had even got Lassiter and Juliet out on the streets, looking for anyone on a motorcycle. But it was Gus that finally found him, just as the sun was beginning to disappear below the horizon. Shawn had somehow managed to manoeuvre the bike through traffic without causing any accidents and had made his way out to that lonely stretch of highway where Gus was told he had first crashed the Norton months ago. How Shawn knew to come here, Gus had no idea, for that matter, he had no idea what had made him think to check here. It was just a feeling he had, and now, finally seeing that Shawn was ok, Gus was glad he had followed his hunch. Shawn had parked the bike on the side of the road and was sitting there alone, his back leaning against the road sign that was still tilted slightly off centre. He didn't move, or even acknowledge that he was aware of the blue echo that pulled up to a stop right behind his bike.

Gus shut the engine off and slowly got out of the car, taking the time to look over his friend and assure himself that he was still in one piece. Satisfied with that Shawn was in fact all right, Gus made his way over to where Shawn was sitting, watching the sun continue to disappear. Gus wanted to yell and scream at Shawn for what he had put all of them through that afternoon. But something inside him stopped him from doing this. Instead, he took deep breath and tried to make his voice come out as calmly as he could.

"Shawn, what are you doing out here? Don't you know you scared the crap out of everyone?"

Shawn had a lost and far-away look on his face, and he didn't turn to look at Gus as he answered.

"Sorry Gus, I just needed to be alone."

"You could have at least told your dad where you were going, he's going crazy. He tried to get a full out search party sent out after you."

As though to emphasize his point, Gus's phone started ringing. Looking at the caller id he noted that it was in fact Henry, he answered it promptly.

"Hello... yes Mr. Spencer I just found him...no he's alright... yes I'm sure ...no that's alright I can bring him home...alright we're on our way, bye."

While Gus continued his conversation with Henry, Shawn continued to stare out across the landscape, watching as the afternoon slowly faded away into dusk . Gus completed his called and turned his attention back to Shawn.

"How did you even know how to drive that thing out here anyways?" Gus asked

Shawn shrugged, "I don't know, I just did"

Gus let out a sigh, "Alright, come on Shawn, I need to get you back home."

"Not Yet."

"What do you mean not yet? It's getting late, we've been looking for you for hours. Don't you think you put your dad through enough already?"

Shawn didn't answer, he didn't even turn to look at Gus, he just continued to star off into the distance, looking more lost now than he had since he had woken up from the coma. Gus decided that Shawn must have heard what he and Henry had been talking about. It would definitely explain his reluctance to come home with Gus.

"Look, Shawn, I'm sorry if you heard what you're dad and I said." Gus tried to apologize.

"It's not that, I mean, I did hear you, but I understand. He doesn't tell me things because he thinks it will make it easier, maybe it does. I don't know the difference anyways."

"Then what? Why don't you want to go home?"

"Because, I don't know who I am Gus."

Gus turned to look at Shawn, confused by his answer.

"What do you mean? We told you Shawn you're -"

"But that's just it - you told me. I don't remember any of it, it doesn't mean anything to me! Everybody has been telling me who I was and what I used to be like and I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand seeing that look in my dad's eyes after he asks me how I want my steak, and then realizes that I don't remember. Let's face it, it's been months and I still don't remember anything, this is who I'm going to be now and I don't know that I can stay here and be who everyone wants me too, because I don't know if that's who I am."

Gus sighed, giving up on the idea of keeping his pants clean as he lowered himself to the ground next to Shawn.

"Look Shawn, I'm sorry. It's just…well it's hard to have you here, but not here at the same time. You still do things, and say things sometimes that are exactly like you used to. And every time you come into the room we all expect to spout off with some silly joke, but you never do. It's just hard to get used to that's all. But we will. If you really aren't going to get your memory back…well it will be sad, but I'll still be your friend. And I promise that I will let you find out who you are now, even if it's not the same Shawn that I knew. I'll even help you change your name if you want. So what do you say, are you ready to go home now? Your dad is going to kill both of us if we keep him waiting any longer."

Finally, Shawn turned to look at Gus, a tentative smile spreading across his face.

"Alright, I suppose I can live with that. And Gus... thanks for being here for me, I appreciate it."

"No problem Shawn, after all what are friends for. But maybe we better leave the bike here. I'll get it picked up tomorrow."

Gus paused as he picked himself up off the ground, then offered his hand out to Shawn."

"How did you find your way out here anyways? " Gus asked, curious as to how Shawn knew where to come if Henry hadn't said anything about the accident yet.

Shawn pulled himself up off the ground, then straightened out his jacket.

"I drove by here with Lassiter and Juliet for a case." Shawn answered, "when we passed this spot I thought I saw something. It almost felt like... like a vision, or maybe even a memory. But it was so unclear, now I'm not even sure what it was."

"What did you see?" Gus asked, excited at the prospect that maybe, just maybe, Shawn had remembered something.

Shawn's face contorted as he tried to focus on the blurry images that had briefly passed through his head.

"I don't know, it was ... dark. I almost felt like I was flying. And there were these yellow eyes. But I don't know what it means, I just thought, maybe there was something about this spot that was special. I thought if I came back, maybe I might remember something."

"I don't know what it means either Shawn," Gus replied, "but why don't we worry about it later. If I don't get you home soon, you're dad is going to kill us both."

"Sure," replied Shawn.

Gus turned and started walking to his car, Shawn following closely behind. He unlocked his doors and waited while Shawn climbed in the passenger seat. Then he reached back behind him and pulled something out of the back seat.

"Here, I picked this up on my way home from work." Gus said, handing a fresh pineapple to Shawn, "I was going to give it to you earlier, before you decided to stage an escape. It should help you feel better, at least it used to anyways. We can give it a try."

Shawn smiled and grabbed the prickly fruit out of Gus's hand. As he reached out to grab the pineapple, an image flashed before his eyes, a seemingly random memory. There wasn't anything particularly special about this memory at first glance. As his fingers first brushed across the prickly surface of the tropical fruit, he saw himself reaching out towards another pineapple sometime before in Gus's apartment. In his memory, he called out to Gus.

"_Ooh, Should I slice this up for the road?"_

There was absolutely nothing special about the memory, and it took him a while afterwards to realize that it was the first of his forgotten memories returning to him.


	17. Chptr 17: When You Come Back To Me Again

**Author's Note:** Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed! It means a lot to me that you take the time to read and leave comments and I appreciate all of them :) Sorry for the length of time between updates, but last week's premiere was so epic that my muse took a holiday to enjoy the awesomeness that was that episode, but the good news is I have an extra long chapter for you :) Enjoy!

**Chapter Seventeen: When You Come Back to Me Again**

**"On a prayer, in a song, I hear your voice, and it keeps me hanging on. Raining down, against the wind, I'm reaching out, 'til we reach the circles ends and you come back to me again."**

Henry had wanted to be furious with Shawn. He wanted to yell, and scream, and unleash all of his bottled up tension and worry on his irresponsible and inconsiderate son. Did Shawn not know how hard this was on him? Did his son not understand that he was doing everything he could? Obviously not, or he wouldn't have felt the need to try and run away. Henry could only thank god that Gus had found Shawn. They had all been looking for hours, Lassiter, Juliet, and various other members of the SBPD included. Shawn needed to know that this sort of behaviour wasn't at all appropriate, or appreciated, and Henry was completely prepared to be the one to tell him. At least that's what he told himself while waiting for Gus to arrive with Shawn. But the minute that Shawn walked through the door with Gus, all of those feelings were swept away, and instead, he was filled only with an overwhelming sense of relief. Shawn was still alright.

This afternoon had been completely nerve wracking and horrible for Henry. It wasn't the first time that Shawn had ever run away, Henry had lost count of how many times he had waited up, usually in the darkness of his living room, for Shawn to realize the error of his ways and come sneaking home again. But these circumstances were different. Henry had known his son before, he knew that Shawn wasn't serious about his threats, and by the time he was, Henry was at least assured that his son could manage to look out for himself. But Shawn wasn't himself now, and Henry didn't know what to expect from him anymore. Everything about Shawn had changed so much. Every minute that had gone by without knowing where Shawn was seemed like an eternity, and Henry kept envisioning finding Shawn sprawled across some road again. He couldn't even begin to describe the happiness and relief that had flooded over him when he saw Shawn walk back into the house. Never mind the fact that he was sheepishly hiding behind Gus, something he never would have done before. His son was walking back in one piece, and that's all that mattered to Henry.

Shawn had apologized for leaving, and for taking the motorcycle. Henry had been so shocked that his son had actually apologized without being forced, or coerced into it, that he had simply nodded and watched dumfounded as Shawn had silently slipped up the stairs to his room. Henry stood there, in an awkward silence with Gus for a few moments. No doubt Gus was still waiting for Henry to tear into him more about bringing Shawn's bike over, and aiding in his son's disappearance. Even if he hadn't known what Shawn would do, Gus had known without question what Henry's feelings towards that motorcycle were. Fidgeting slightly under the heavy silence, Gus nervously cleared his throat and turned towards the door.

"Well, I guess I should be going." Gus stated, hastily trying to make his way out of the house before Henry had a chance to say anything.

"Gus," Henry called out, his commanding voice echoing through the silence of the house. Gus stopped in his tracks, turning to face Henry while preparing for the lecture he was sure was rapidly heading in his direction.

But Henry just didn't have the energy to lecture Gus right now. And he was just so happy to have Shawn back in one piece that he didn't really care all that much at the moment whose fault it was that Shawn had tried to run.

"Gus," Henry started, "I just wanted to say thank you."

"Thank you?" asked Gus, puzzled at the words he hadn't been expecting.

"Yes, thank you. For finding Shawn, and bringing him home again. And for caring about him enough to try anything to get him back, even when you knew I wouldn't like it."

Henry paused, watching as Gus's face melted from an expression of fear and worry into one of sympathy and understanding.

"I couldn't ask for a better friend for a better friend myself, Shawn's lucky to have you." Henry continued.

"Thank you Mr. Spencer." Gus replied, "I'm lucky to have him too... and things will get better, you'll see."

Henry just smiled back. He didn't really see things getting any better in the foreseeable future, but he didn't want to discourage Gus . Nothing was ever simple with Shawn, and Henry doubted that things were magically going to get better. But if Gus wanted to believe that they would, then the least Henry could do after all Gus had done for Shawn was allow him to have that one small hope. So he just continued to smile at Gus.

"I'm sure they will, goodnight Gus."

"Goodnight Mr. Spencer." Gus replied.

With that, Gus left, leaving Henry standing there alone, knowing that his evening wasn't quite over yet. He still had to make things right with Shawn. If this whole situation had taught him anything, it was that time was never a certain factor, and he should never count on tomorrow to make things right. So, with a tired and weary step, Henry turned and made his way up the stairs to his son's room.

* * *

Shawn was sitting on his bed, an old photograph of himself and Gus resting in his lap. He had studied it many times over the last few months as he struggled to remember who he was and regain the life that had unexpectedly been put on hold. He looked so happy, there beside Gus in the photo. There was a joy that was etched across his face in that picture that even Shawn knew had been missing for a while now. He didn't know how he could ever have been so happy, so carefree. But Gus had repeatedly assured him that he had always had a happy go lucky attitude, and all Shawn could do now was trust that Gus was telling him the truth, and that one day he could be that happy again.

Gus was happy in this picture as well. A happiness that Shawn had yet to see light up his friends face. But that seemed to be the general mood of everyone around him lately. They were all just sad, wore down, and tired. And Shawn knew that it was because of him.

With a sigh, Shawn ran his hand across the surface of the picture. He was studying the picture now, as something about his most recent conversation with Gus started to nag at the back of his mind. But like always, he couldn't quite grasp what his mind was trying to tell him, so he just sat there, starring at the picture, hoping for answers. He had often looked at it over the past few months and wondered what he and Gus had been so happy about. He supposed he could have asked Gus, or even his father, but he had wanted to imagine the possibilities. So he let it remain a mystery, like the rest of his past.

A soft knock at his door interrupted his thoughts, and Shawn looked up to see Henry entering the room.

"Shawn," said Henry, coming into the room and looking around as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Dad," Shawn acknowledged, waiting for Henry to tell him what he wanted.

Shawn had learned that his father was seldom a man of wasted actions, or words. If he was here, he had a reason, and it wouldn't take him long to get to the point. The only time Henry hesitated, Shawn had observed, was when he was trying to convey his feelings, especially when those feelings had to do with him.

Henry was hesitating now.

"What do you have there?" asked Henry, nodding towards the picture that Shawn still held in his hands.

"Just a picture of me and Gus," Shawn answered quietly.

There was a pause, as Henry leaned back against the wall. He looked down at Shawn for a moment, then blew out the breath he had been holding, and started.

"Look, Shawn, I don't know how much you heard earlier... it doesn't really matter, I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry."

Shawn just nodded, "I know, but you're right. It doesn't matter what you tell me, it doesn't mean anything. I don't know what pieces are missing."

"That's not what I meant Shawn," Henry started, but Shawn cut him off before he could say any more.

"Dad, I look at this picture, and I see how happy I am. But more importantly, I see how happy Gus was. You know, I barely ever see him smile? He certainly hasn't smiled like this. Nobody smiles like this anymore. They're all too busy worrying about me, and I know it's been hard on all of you. So if it makes it easier for you to keep things from me, I'm alright with that. I'm sure you have your reasons, and who knows, maybe I don't want to know anyways, maybe it's better that way."

"Shawn... look kid, that's not what I meant at all."

Henry took two steps toward the window, running his hand over his head as he tried to decide how he was going to explain things to his son. He starred out into the quiet night for a moment before turning back to Shawn.

"Alright, kid, fine, here's the truth. Yes, it's been hard for me these last few months, it's been hard on everyone. You might not always have been the most responsible, or dependable, or successful, or punctual, or..."

"I think I get the picture." Shawn interrupted.

Henry let out a small chuckle, nodding as he continued.

"What I mean to say is that despite not being a lot of things, you were always my son, and I have always loved you, and worried about you, and been proud of the man you've become. I haven't always made the best decisions, especially when it came to you, and I guess I just thought we had all this time to fix things between us. Then you were just gone, and a big part of that was my fault. And don't get me wrong, no matter what happens, I will still love you. But a part of me wonders if we'll ever get the chance to make things right again."

"I wish I could tell you that we will," Shawn answered, looking away from his father and down at the picture in his hands again.

Henry moved across the room to stand next to his son.

"I know you do," Henry said, reaching down to ruffle Shawn's hair, just like he had when Shawn was younger, "and that's why I'm sorry. You're trying, and it shouldn't be my decision whether to tell you or not. It should be yours."

Shawn nodded, not lifting his gaze to meet Henry's.

"You know, " Henry said, directing his attention to the picture in Shawn's hands, "that's a great picture of you and Gus. That was a great day."

"Please don't tell me," Shawn said, looking up at his father. At Henry's surprised and puzzled face he added, "I like to look at this and imagine what kind of things could have made us this happy. It's comforting."

Henry smiled, "You always did have a great imagination. Got you into a lot of trouble, still does."

Shawn let out a chuckle and returned the photograph back to the table beside the bed before turning back to Henry.

"Shawn," Henry said, his tone turning serious again, "if you would like to know, I would like to tell you about what happened that night."

Shawn looked into Henry's eyes, knowing somewhere deep inside himself, that this was a big moment between them.

"I'd like to hear it," Shawn said quietly. He waited as Henry settled himself on the bed beside his son. And then Shawn listened, as Henry recounted the events of that night for him, forgetting for a time, the quiet voice in the back of his mind that continued to whisper to him that he was missing something that was of great importance.

* * *

The sense that he was missing something important woke Shawn early the next morning, and stayed with him all week as he went with Gus to the Psych office, and continued to help Lassiter and Juliet on cases. He knew that his mind remembered details very clearly, it was a point that had annoyed him constantly since he had discovered that he remembered nothing of his life before waking up in the hospital. He could remember tiny and seemingly insignificant details of his everyday life, and see clearly nearly everything that he had experienced since the accident, but he could remember nothing from before. Not one single detail.

He knew that there was something about that memory that had flashed across his mind when Gus had picked him up that didn't make sense, but he couldn't pinpoint what it was. And every time he tried to grasp at whatever it was that was bothering him, it would slip away just out of his reach. Just another frustrating aspect of his mind that was unwilling to cooperate with his desires. So he was left with the annoying feeling that he was missing something that was so very close he could almost grab it, but he was never actually able to reach it. He felt like Tantalus, a man he had read about in one of Gus's books the other day. Tantalus was from a Greek myth that told the story of a king punished by the gods to forever be plagued by an unsuitable thirst and hunger. Yet every time he reached for the fruit which hung just over his head, it would pull out of his reach, and every time he would bend to drink from the pond, its waters would recede. So, Just like Tantalus, Shawn felt as though he was constantly reaching for something that was continually moving just beyond his grasp, and it was beyond frustrating.

So, Shawn put himself on auto pilot, going through the routine motions of his life, while his mind kept coming back to that thing that continually tried to push past the barriers in his mind. Despite their bonding moment that night, Henry was still extremely cautious and concerned about Shawn's whereabouts at all times. Since his attempted disappearing stunt, Shawn had been placed on nearly 24 hour surveillance, if he wasn't with Henry, he was with Gus, or one of the two of them would personally ensure that he was received into the supervision of someone at the SBPD and picked up later. Between everything, Shawn had barely had a moment to himself all week.

Today, Lassiter and Juliet were too busy dealing with a high profile case, and since his options this afternoon were to be with Gus or his father, Shawn had chosen to spend the time with Gus. At least his friend didn't demand his complete attention all the time and he could let his mind wander. Maybe he would be able to figure out what exactly it was that was bothering him so much about that memory. Besides that, Shawn dreaded the time that he had to spend with Henry because just like Jules, his father had not accepted that this was who he was now, and that wasn't likely to change anytime in the foreseeable future. Shawn knew that Henry would still be there for him no matter what, but it just wasn't in his father to give up. And above all, Shawn hated the disappointed and sorrowful look that Henry was never quite able to push out of his eyes whenever he was talking to his son.

So he was stuck here, half heartedly participating in the conversation Gus was pursuing until it was time to go back home. While he continued to try to reach into his mind and find the thing that continued to nag at his consciousness. He wasn't at all successful, either in discovering what was bothering his mind, or in convincing Gus that he really was paying attention to the current conversation. So after a while, Gus just stopped trying to engage Shawn in any form of activity, and just let him think about whatever it was that was clearly bothering him so much.

Later that afternoon, Gus dropped Shawn off at Henry's house, walking his friend up the walkway, past the Norton that sat gleaming and abandoned on the curb in front of the house. Shawn didn't even glance at it. He was too busy with his thoughts, and even if he hadn't been, he understood now why Henry had been so opposed to seeing it again. He didn't want to cause his father any more stress than was absolutely necessary, so he had told himself that he wouldn't touch it again until Henry was alright with it. Which based on his father's reaction, would be never, but that was alright with Shawn because he had more important thing to worry about.

Shawn suffered through another silent dinner with his Henry, not saying much, but as soon as the meal was over and had been cleared, he looked up at his father.

"I want to go for a walk tonight," he stated quietly. He hadn't been alone in over a week and he felt the need to get away from everyone, maybe on his own he could figure out what he was missing.

Henry sighed, "Alright kid, help me clean up and we can go, but not for too long."

"I was actually hoping I could go alone," muttered Shawn, knowing that Henry would not like this idea at all.

Sure enough, Henry looked down at his son sceptically.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea Shawn."

"I'll just walk along the beach, to the dock and back, that's it," he pleaded, '"I just need some time to myself."

Henry continued to look at his son sceptically, suspicion written clearly across his face.

"Shawn, are you feeling alright? You were pretty quiet at dinner tonight, in fact, you've been quiet all week. Is something bothering you kid?"

"I don't know, I'd just really like to get out on my own for a bit."

Henry stood there, thinking about his son's request. It was innocent enough, but there was clearly something bothering the kid, and he wasn't entirely sure he trusted him to be out on his own, especially after what he had done earlier that week. But then again, if it was just up and down the beach, how much trouble could he get in? Besides that, he really didn't want to do anything tonight anyways besides settle down on the sofa with a beer to watch the football game.

"Alright, but I'll be keeping an eye on the time, you have an hour. If you're not back I'm coning to find you and you'd better not do anything dumb, I can't deal with another incident right now. Do you understand me Shawn?"

Shawn nodded, grateful that his father had relented, "I will be back, don't worry dad."

"I always worry about you, kid," said Henry softly as Shawn got up and headed out the door.

Pausing before he opened the door Shawn mumbled over his shoulder, "I know, and I'm sorry about all this. I'll see you in a bit."

"One hour, Shawn," called Henry as the door closed behind Shawn.

Out on the beach, Shawn started walking along the shoreline, staying just out of reach of the waves that repeatedly lapped up onto the sand. That same persistent voice was still floating around in the back of his head, telling him that he was missing something important. It was getting beyond annoying, and he really wished that it would either tell him what he was missing, or just shut up altogether. If only he could figure out what it was trying to tell him.

He could tell his dad exactly how many hats were in a room, in what order he had stacked his dishes after washing them that morning, and exactly what had happened in his favourite TV shows. So why couldn't he remember even one thing about who he was before?

Shawn stopped and let a deep, angry growl escape past his lips. Then bent down to grab a handful of sand, throwing it out into the ocean in frustration. It did nothing though, not to the sea and not to ease the the persistent nagging in his head. The waves continued to lap up against the shore, with a steady and continual rhythm that soothed him on some level. He took a few more steps and then stopped, closing his eyes as he tried to calm himself, and just concentrated on the cold evening air filling his lungs with each breath. _Why can my mind not cooperate, just once?_ He wondered in frustration. He tried once again to reach out to the part of him that was demanding to be heard. But it was like chasing a carrot tied to a sick, it didn't matter how close he got, it was always out of reach. He tried to quiet his frustrations, concentrating on the sound of the waves, and the smell of the air blowing in off the ocean. He concentrated on the sting of the cold evening air on his skin allowed all of these things to fill him with calm. He tried to empty his mind of all thought except the things he could feel with absolute certainty. And then, suddenly and without warning, it came to him again.

_Gus where are your keys? Never mind, got 'em. Ooh, should I slice this up for the road?_

And there it was, the thing that had been bothering him all day, the thing that he had brushed off as a random memory earlier that week. But now he realized what it was that was bothering him about that memory. He hadn't gone on any road trips with Gus yet. And he was also pretty sure that Gus had not let him drive his car either. Shawn had learned that his friend was very protective of his car, and while Gus may have accepted that the new Shawn was going to be a different one than he had grown up with, in no way did he think that Shawn was trustworthy enough to drive his precious car. The fact that he hadn't managed to crash the motorcycle on his escape attempt was a small miracle. So if he hadn't gone on a road trip with Gus, then where had the memory come from? Shawn tried to remember any point over the past months that anything like that had happened, but he couldn't come up with anything. It was a memory that was connected to nothing, it simply floated in his mind, separate from all the rest of his experiences. He knew without a doubt that it was from his life before the accident, but he didn't know when, and as he reached out to find a context for the memory, it faded from his grasp again.

Frustrated, he kicked at the sand as he began walking up the beach again, trying to empty his mind in the hopes that the memory would return and hopefully bring some of its friends with it. He closed his eyes, slowly putting one foot in front of the other, enjoying the feel of the sand giving way to his feet, and the sound of the waves crashing up onto the beach. Emptying his mind had worked before, so decided to try it again. And then, before he knew it, another memory was flashing through his mind. He was in Gus's apartment waiting for him to wake up. He had made coffee and was beginning to enjoy it when his friend had charged into the kitchen brandishing his bulky sample case...

"_I do not even want to think what the rest of your plan was"  
_

"_What are you doing here Shawn"_

Shawn smiled at the memory. It was his first case, the very first one he had ever helped the police with, before he had even rented the office. Shawn stopped dead in his track as his eyes sprang open. _Before he had rented the Psych office? That was years ago. _And then, he realized...he had just remembered something from his life before the accident. His first, full, solid memory. A mix of emotions flooded over him, _I remembered something!_ He reached for the memory again, wanting to enjoy it for as long as possible. Shawn remembered Gus's annoyance, and his own excitement at finally finding a way to use his gifts and all of the training his father had given him. Shawn was excited, and for the first time in months, he didn't feel quite so trapped. His mind had finally released one of the many secrets it had been so closely guarding for these past few months. And then suddenly, there was another memory...

_How many hats, Shawn?_

It was his father, they were sitting in some sort of diner. He remembered the annoyance that he couldn't just enjoy a meal, why did his dad always have to turn everything they did into a lesson?

All of a sudden, it was as if a flood gate had opened, and he was overcome with a lifetimes worth of memories and emotions that had been locked in his mind for so long. They all came rushing back at once and the intensity of it forced him to the ground, clutching at his head as it exploded with the thoughts, feelings and memories of a whole lifetime. He did not know how long he stayed there, kneeling on the beach as every memory he ever had came back all at once. The sudden rush left him bent over and panting for breath in the cold evening air as the water from the incoming tide flowed around him, soaking through his jeans and shoes.

He remembered.

He remembered it all, he remembered heading out of town that day, the freedom he had felt speeding down the highway. He remembered the rain, and the feel of the impact as his bike went off the road. The fuzzy vision he had had earlier, or the blurry yellow eyes, and his flight through the dark suddenly solidified as another piece of the puzzle fit into place. He remembered Lassie picking him up...and he remembered his dad. Henry... Shawn remembered the things he had said to his father that night. And he remembered how Henry had been there for him over these past few months. As the onslaught of memories began to slow, and Shawn was able to regain his composure, he realized that he needed to get back. He had no idea how long he had been gone, but he didn't want to worry his father, especially after all Henry had been through, and after all he had done for him over the past few months. So he picked himself up out of the water and headed back to his father's house with a lightness to his step, and a smile on his face that had long been missing.

When he got back, his father was just on his way out of the house, he had a flashlight in one hand, and his phone in the other. He saw Shawn coming up the walkway to the house before he had a chance to make it all the way down the porch steps.

"Shawn! It's been over an hour, where have you been?"

He was panicked, Shawn could hear it in his voice, and for the first time in months, he was finally able to _see_ Henry. He saw the weariness in every movement, the tiredness in his eyes and the bags that hung under them, and the way that his father suddenly looked old. This whole thing had been really hard on him, Shawn could see that now, in a way that he hadn't been able to before. But at least Shawn could take comfort in the fact that he could offer the old man some happiness tonight.

"I'm fine dad, you don't need to worry anymore."

Shawn finally made it into the scarce light from the porch, and he could see his father notice his wet clothes immediately.

"What the hell happened Shawn? Come on get in the house, we'll get you some dry clothes."

Shawn walked up the porch steps to where his father was standing, waiting for him. He walked right up to him and stood there facing him head on, he knew once his father actually looked at him, he would see the difference.

"Dad," he said slowly making sure that he made eye contact with his father, "I'm fine, you can stop worrying."

Shawn looked straight into his father's eyes, watching as Henry recognized the difference in his son's eyes instantaneously. Shawn watched the surprise register in his father's features, followed shortly by a moment of disbelief and then finally joy as Henry noticed the difference in his son's eyes, the brightness and spark that had been painfully absent since the accident. Shawn let a smirk play at the corners of his mouth as he watched all of these things flash across Henry's face.

"Shawn?"asked Henry quietly, hesitantly, as though his son was a bomb ready to explode at any moment, "Shawn, are you..."

Shawn nodded.

"Oh thank God!" exclaimed Henry, taking a step forward and engulfing Shawn in a bone crunching hug.

"Whoa easy there, dad. You wanna squeeze all those memories right back out again?"

When Henry didn't let up at all Shawn tried again, "Dad, I'm pretty sure that crushing me to death is not nearly as satisfying as everyone says it is, and there will be questions."

Henry continued to hold tightly onto Shawn, not loosening his grip at all.

"Dad, seriously, I think I need to be able to breathe."

Henry released his son from the hug, but still kept both of his hands planted squarely on Shawn's shoulders, as though he was afraid that if he let his son go, this moment would disappear. He held Shawn there at arm's length, looking him over for a few moments. Shawn noticed the wetness filling his father's eyes, and he just stood there quietly for a moment, waiting for Henry to compose himself.

"I'm glad your back son," Henry finally said, wiping at his eyes ," but why are you wet, what happened out there?"

"I'll tell you all about it dad, but first can we please go inside? I think that this satisfies the quota for embarrassing public displays of affection for the week."

Henry let out a soft chuckle, releasing Shawn from his embrace but keeping an arm protectively around his son's shoulders as he lead him back into the house, knowing for the first time in months that everything was going to be alright.

**End Note:** How will shawn let Juliet know he's back, and how will she handle it? You'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out! Thanks for reading :)


	18. Chapter 18: Life Is Good

****

**Author's Note: **

So here it is, the final chapter. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who have read this story, and a huge thank you to everyone who was kind enough to leave a review. I really appreciated all of your comments. I had a great time writing this, and I am glad that I could share it with you, thanks again, and enjoy!

**Chapter Eighteen : Life Is Good**

**"Life is good when you're around, nothing can bring me down. I can't believe what I have found, nothing can hold me down."**

Early the next afternoon, Henry drove Shawn over to the Psych office where Shawn was sure Gus would be hiding out, trying to avoid his real job. Father and son enjoyed a comfortable silence on the short drive from the house to the office. Henry had woke up in a very happy mood that morning, and despite having a slightly sore back, he felt rested for the first time in months. The previous night, after finally making it back into the house, Henry had grilled his son for several minutes on what had happened to finally bring his memories back. Then, once Shawn had recounted the tale to satisfaction, Henry had spent what seemed like hours asking Shawn about obscure moments of his past to ensure that son actually did remember who he was. Only then, satisfied that he had his son back, had Henry finally allowed himself to drift off into a deep and untroubled sleep, right there on the couch. Shawn knew that his father was going to be sore in the morning from sleeping there all night, but he hadn't had the heart to wake the old man and tell him to go to bed. It was obvious that it had been a long time since Henry had truly had a good night's sleep. So Shawn had silently gone and got his father some blankets, making sure he was as comfortable as possible before heading up to his own bed.

As Shawn entered the bedroom, one thing became perfectly clear to him. As soon as Shawn was certain that Henry would allow it, he was definitely moving back to his own place. It was just weird sleeping in his childhood bedroom again, and he could not believe that he had stayed here for the past few months. It was just unnatural. Shawn definitely appreciated the fact that Henry had been there for him, and taken care of him while he was lost, but he was fine now, and he wanted to get back to his old life.

Henry pulled up in front of the Psych office and Shawn quickly jumped out of the truck, waving goodbye as he turned and headed into the office. For the first time in months, he felt happy, and alive, and he could barely contain the grin that was spread across his face and he confidently strode towards the front door. The sun was up, the skies were clear, and he finally had his life back.

Well, he almost had his life back anyways. It was definitely missing a few key characters, the first of which being his trusty companion, Magic Head. Shawn needed to let Gus, and everyone else, know that he was back. The question of course, was how? Shawn had always been good with words, and he could talk himself out of, or into, almost any situation. But he had never been able to just come out and say what was needed when it came to the important things. He couldn't just waltz into the office and announce that he remembered, that was just plain boring and unimaginative. Besides, he really didn't know how to waltz all that well. He had to find a better way than that. He knew that everything he had done in the last few months had been muted, and serious, far from his usual brand of ridiculous behaviour, and Shawn wanted to get back to the fun and easy going times he had had before. Shawn knew that Gus had resorted back to his responsible, workaholic ways while he hadn't been there to insist his friend enjoy life once in a while, and it was well past time that Gus got a reminder. So he decided he would do what he always did, what he did best, he would go in with a half formed plan, and improvise.

Gus glanced up from his computer at the sound of the front door opening and was surprised to see Shawn entering the office, he hadn't been expecting to see Shawn today.

"Hey Shawn, I thought you were supposed to spend the afternoon with your dad?" Gus asked as Shawn made his way over to his desk and dropped into the chair.

"Yeah, we had a change of plans," Shawn replied casually.

Gus eyes him suspiciously. There was something off about Shawn this afternoon. He wasn't quite sure what it was. Perhaps it was the fact that Shawn seemed to be in a very good mood. Gus was certain he could see his friend fighting to suppress a smile, and he wondered what could have possibly happened to make Shawn so happy. Gus hadn't seen him look so... _alive_, in months now.

While Gus was busy trying to decide exactly what was up with Shawn, Shawn himself was busy looking around the Psych office, taking in all of the changes that Gus had made in his absence. Of course he had seen everything here before, but at the time he hadn't realized what things were new. He hadn't been able to realize what things weren't supposed to be here, and what was worse, what things were missing. With absolute horror, Shawn noticed how neat and orderly the space now appeared. Everything had its place, even his desk was free of its usual clutter and general disorganization. This was definitely something that needed to stop right now, before Gus got any crazy ideas. Definitely before he decided labels were a good idea. Shawn couldn't live in a world that was labelled, he cringed just thinking about it.

"Alright," Gus's voice cut into his thoughts, "If you're going to be with me this afternoon, I'll just need to finish up with this, then we can go do something fun."

Shawn nodded, and then before he could say anything more, his attention focused on another of Gus's additions to the office. A chair. There wasn't really anything overly special about it, other than the fact that it was a new chair, sitting smugly in the place where the old plush and comfortable chair he had loved used to sit. Shawn got up and walked over to it, starring down at it in disbelief.

"You replaced the chair?" Shawn asked, continuing to stare at it.

"Yes Shawn I did, there were stains all over it," Gus replied, glancing up to where Shawn was standing beside the new chair.

Gus didn't have to say it, because Shawn knew, those weren't just coffee and food stains he was talking about. Gus was talking about the fact that Shawn had bled all over that chair the night he had walked to the Psych office, alone and in the pouring rain. Shawn remembered the feeling of relief and utter exhaustion that had swept over him as he had finally melted into that chair. It seemed like a lifetime ago now.

"I really liked that chair," Shawn said, a hint of sadness and disappointment echoing in his words.

"I couldn't keep it in here Shawn, it was disgusting," Gus stopped suddenly, his gaze fixing on Shawn as a funny look came across his face, "Wait a minute, Shawn, how did you know I replaced the chair?"

Shawn shrugged, but had to turn his face away to hide the grin he could feel slowly growing. Gus was onto him.

"Cause it's not the one that was here before," Shawn answered casually, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

But Gus was on the trail now, and he stood up, quickly forgetting whatever he had been working and walking around his desk to stand directly in front of Shawn.

"But how do you know that?" Gus demanded.

"Because the old one was here before, now it's gone, and this one is here now. Really Gus, it's not that hard to figure out."

Shawn had to fight hard to suppress his smile as he watched Gus's face flash through ten shades of irritation. He was sure that Gus had figured out what was going on by now, but he knew that his friend would want to hear it from him. Gus wouldn't be happy until he had heard Shawn say that he was alright, and he wouldn't settle for the fact simply being alluded to. While Gus struggled to hold onto his composure, Shawn could practically hear his friend telling himself to take deep, even breaths before he continued.

"Shawn, stop messing around, you know that's not what I mean."

Unable to help himself, Shawn let out a sigh, letting his shoulders sag at the same time. There was no reason he couldn't mess with Gus just a little. He answered Gus in a voice that he hoped sounded far away and distant, like he had for the last two months.

"I never know what you mean anymore, Gus," he said sadly.

Gus's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but he seemed to buy the act, and Shawn he felt slightly guilty as Gus deflated right in front of him as Shawn saw the hope disappear from his eyes almost instantly.

"Shawn, who told you I replaced the chair?" Gus asked.

"No one, it's obvious. Seriously Gus, I thought we just went over this."

"Shawn, stop it!" Gus demanded, his face contorted in lines of agitation, "Stop trying to be clever, stop trying to mess with me, stop doing whatever it is you think you're doing. I really need you to just tell me how you know about the chair."

Unable to hold back any longer, Shawn let his smile split across his face.

"I know, Gus, because I distinctly remember the old one being a lot more comfortable looking than this one. I cannot believe that you went for stylish and trendy over something comfortable and practical. Is this what happens when I'm not here?"

Gus held back, hesitant to believe what his ears were telling him. Shawn was back, could it really be true? But looking at his friend, standing there in front of him with a huge grin spread across his face and lighting up the room for the first time in months, Gus knew it was true. His rational self just needed to hear the words his intuition had already determined.

"Shawn, are you telling me that you remember?"

"I thought that's what was implied, Gus. Yes, I remember... everything in general, and more specifically, I distinctly remember telling you that we would never have a practical piece of office furniture in this building. And seriously man, is there a reason you felt the need to clean my desk off? How was a neat and orderly desk supposed to help me remember anything..."

The next thing Shawn knew, Gus had launched himself at his friend and gripped him in a hug, that while not quite as crushing as Henry's had been, was still suffocating nonetheless.

"Whoa easy there buddy." Shawn exclaimed as he awkwardly returned Gus's embrace.

"Dude seriously, what's with the hugging? First my dad, then you... I wonder if I could get one from Lassie too?"

Gus pulled away, regaining his composure and straightening his jacket before he looked back at Shawn again.

"I'm just really glad you're back Shawn," Gus said, and Shawn could see the storm of emotions rolling in his friends eyes.

"I know buddy," Shawn answered with a half smile.

Gus stared at him for a few more moments, then seeming to have quickly recovered from his outburst, turned back to his desk and picked up a file that was overflowing with papers.

"Of course," Gus started, "Now that you're back, you can help me get through all this stupid paperwork you left behind, and then you can start doing cases again so I don't have to pay the rent on my own."

Gus thrust the file at Shawn, "Here, you can start with this. You've had enough slacking off over the last few months."

Shawn smiled and grabbed the file from Gus. This was why he loved Gus so much, and why they were such good friends. Even though they had just shared a huge moment, Gus didn't dwell on it, he just smiled, then continued on with life. Shawn walked back over to his desk and sat down, letting the file land on the desk with a satisfying smack.

"Gus, I agree. What we really need is to get things back to normal around here, " Shawn stated as he opened a drawer and pulled out all of the pens and pencils stored there, spreading them out across the desk before searching for more items that could provide potential clutter, "So, you have two choices, I can either sit here and flip through this file of useless papers, maybe doddle on a few of them, and make you think that I'm actually doing something worthwhile with my time... or we can forget work and go for a pineapple smoothie, what say you?"

Gus smiled, he didn't even have to think about it. He just picked up his keys.

"I'll drive."

* * *

Shawn practically bounded up the stairs and into the Santa Barbara police station, pausing just long enough to deposit his empty smoothie cup in the trash can before continuing his sweep through the station. He was more than happy to note how little things had changed in his favourite police department over the past several months, and of course he was elated that he could finally appreciate exactly how little it had changed. Phones were still ringing, people came and went, and officers still bustled around with papers, files or slightly cooling cups of coffee. Several of those officers nodded hello to him as he passed, and Shawn enjoyed the surprised looks that crossed their faces at his enthusiasm when returned their greetings. Shawn smiled, it was good to be back.

This morning, he had asked his father not to inform the Chief or anyone at the station for that matter, that he had regained his memory. It was something he really wanted to do himself. There was one person specifically that he was looking forward to sharing his return with, one person that he couldn't stand to be without for a moment longer. That someone, of course, was Juliet. Shawn found it more than strange that it had taken him losing all of his memories to finally realize just exactly how much she meant to him. Oh he had liked her before, there was no doubt about that. But he had had time to slowly get used to his feelings for her, and he hadn't realized exactly how strong those feelings had gotten. But without his memories, there had been no denying his attraction to her. There was just something about her that called to him, on the deepest level. Her every move had attracted his attention, her every smile had lit up his world, and now he knew, he needed her. Juliet was the other half of who he was... well maybe the other third, he couldn't discount Gus entirely. But Shawn knew that without her, he could never be complete. He needed both of them, Juliet and Gus to be happy.

Which was why he couldn't wait any longer to let Juliet know that he was back. After all, she had told him that she would be waiting for him to get his memories back and remember her, and now he remembered. Shawn wasn't entirely surprised to find that both Lassiter and Juliet's desks were empty. He remembered Lassiter saying something about having a suspect to question this afternoon. So he turned and headed down the stairs to the interrogation rooms, he needed to make sure that the two detectives would be occupied... at least for a while.

Besides wanting to tell Juliet that he was back, Shawn also had to catch up on months of un-played pranks, and dozens of missed opportunities to harass his favourite detective. And he knew just what to do, he just needed the time to put his idea into play.

Shawn reached the bottom of the stairs and turned towards the interrogation rooms, noticing right away that the first one did indeed contain both Lassiter and Juliet, as well as a suspect. He stopped, and leaned up against the frame of the one way mirror to take a moment to watch as Juliet questioned the man sitting across the table from her. Lassiter stood behind her, listening intently, but not interfering. He didn't need to anymore, it was clear that Juliet had everything under control.

Standing there, watching her, Shawn smiled to himself, surprised again at just how much he had missed over the last few months. There were many things, many concepts that he had completely failed to grasp without his memories, and Juliet was one of them. She was absolutely stunning, and he admired her in a way that he hadn't been able to before. He could see now, all of the changes that had occurred, not just in the past few months, but since she had come to Santa Barbara. He remembered with fondness her first cases here as the new junior detective, she had been uncertain, but more than willing to prove she knew what she was doing. Now, there wasn't so much as a hint of uncertainty, or hesitation. Juliet was an accomplished and confident detective, and she was in her element right now. Shawn admired the way her eyes sparkled with a deep fire and passion for her work as she continued to question the man that sat across the table from her. Shawn had really missed seeing that fire and knowing that it meant Juliet was at the top of her game. Without his memories, he had realized just how much he needed her, but now that he had regained those memories, he could appreciate her in a way that simply wasn't possible before. A chill ran through his body as he recalled the jolts that had raced through him when she had touched him. He wanted to feel that again.

Watching her now, Shawn picked up on other small details as well. It was hard to pick up on, but he could see the tense set to her shoulders, and the slight weariness in her eyes. He suspected, that much like Gus, she had been working way too hard and not taking enough time to enjoy the finer things in life. Once again, Shawn was amazed at exactly how much he had missed over the last few months, how much of his life had changed right before his eyes while he had been unable to realize what was happening. Summer had faded into fall, his father had turned into an old man, and everyone had stopped having fun. Apparently without him, everything just got way to serious. Well, he was here to remedy the situation now. With one last look, he turned and headed back up the stairs towards Lassiter's desk.

* * *

It was a little over half an hour later that Juliet and Lassiter finally finished up with their suspect. He had had a lot of information to give them, and it had taken longer than she expected to finish with him, Lassiter was still finishing up with some last minute questions. But Juliet was sure they had what they needed, and now she just needed to get back up to her desk and add the new information she had received to her notes and decide where they were going to go from here. She made it up the stairs and was half way back to her desk when she looked up to see Shawn sitting there, absentmindedly tossing her rubber band ball back and forth between his hands as he reclined back in her chair. She stopped in her tracks, surprised to find him here in the station, let alone sitting behind her desk.

Perhaps sensing her presence, Shawn looked up, locked gazes with her and smiled at her, and the whole world stopped. It was that characteristic lopsided half grin that always got to her, and it took Juliet a moment to recover, and realize that she was standing in the middle of the station. Clearing her throat, she tucked a stray piece of hair back behind her ear and then continued on to her desk.

"Shawn, what are you doing here?" Juliet asked, tossing her notebook down on her desk, "I thought you were spending the day with your dad?"

"Yeah, that got boring fast, just thought I'd come in and say hi, hang out a bit."

"Really? Where is your dad? He doesn't usually just leave you here like this, "Juliet said, looking around the station for the elder Spencer.

"I didn't come with him, Gus brought me."

Juliet frowned.

"And where is Gus?" she asked, "I thought someone was supposed to be watching you at all times?"

Shawn leaned forward in her chair, rolling it closer to her desk, where he leaned his elbows on its surface and continued to bounce the rubber band ball back and forth between his hands.

"Gus left, went back to work I think, I told him I would be fine here on my own. Besides, despite what my dad may think, I am in my thirties now, I can take care of myself. And I do have very important business here that couldn't wait."

"Oh really?" Juliet asked, looking curious and pleasantly surprised to find Shawn in such a happy and playful mood. She always enjoyed it when he acted more like his old self, and those days had been few and far between lately.

"And what exactly would this very important business be?" she questioned, " Did you get a vision about a case?"

His face turned serious as he set the rubber band ball back down on her desk.

"No, something much, much more important than that. I have something for you"

"What?" she asked, immediately puzzled.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked to be a thin crumpled and folded piece of paper. At first Juliet thought that it must just be a random piece of garbage in his pocket, but the way he was handling it said otherwise, and her confusion grew as he slowly set it down on her desk and pulled it apart slightly. It was a straw wrapper, she realized, and she looked at Shawn in complete confusion , waiting for his explanation.

"You remember that diner you took me to a few weeks ago?" Shawn asked, his tone completely serious, "Well we didn't get to make our straw wrapper crawly snake. So I made one for us, and I thought you might like to have it. It's for you, Jules"

It was sweet, in a typical Shawn Spencer kind of way, so Juliet smiled at him.

"Thanks Shawn..." Juliet started, and then she realized something, "Wait, what did you just call me?"

"Juliet... that is your name isn't it... or did you change it?"

"No, no you didn't say Juliet. Shawn, did you just call me Jules?"

He paused for a minute before answering, as though he had to think about it.

"Yes, I do believe I did, that's ok though isn't it? I swear I remember you telling me to call you that...repeatedly if I'm correct."

"Yes Shawn, I have, but you never did." She pause for a moment as she thought of something else. The crawly snake. It was something he liked to do whenever he ate out somewhere, and if she happened to be with him, he would always give it to her, in honor of their first meeting. But she hadn't told him about that, she was sure of it.

"Shawn, how did you know about the crawly snake." Juliet asked.

This was not the time for jokes, or half truths, so Shawn stood up and looked directly into Juliet's eyes, "Because I remembered Jules."

"You remembered? Everything?"

But she knew before he confirmed what his answer would be. Standing there, looking into his eyes she could see the change now just as clearly as she could see it when he had first told her he didn't remember. That sparkle that was always in his eyes was back, and there was a recognition and understanding in those eyes that had been missing before.

He nodded, "Yes, everything," he answered her. Then he looked away briefly before continuing, "Including a certain incident that I may, or may not have been responsible for."

Juliet was trying hard to contain herself, and to keep her smile from turning into a giddy grin that she knew she wouldn't be able to wipe off her face again for the rest of the day if she let it take over now.

"You were responsible, Shawn." She stated, as calmly as she could.

"Well, that's really open for interpretation," he paused at her scowl, "Alright, fine, I was definitely responsible. That's not really important right now, what I'm trying to say here Jules, is that I'm sorry... for what happened, and I didn't mean to embarrass you."

Her heart melted. It meant a lot to her that he cared about how she felt, and that his first words to her after he had returned were to apologize for that day. Especially since Juliet herself felt guilty enough for driving him away and contributing to the events that had lead to his accident.

"I know Shawn." She said, smiling at him, "In your strange way, you were trying to tell me you cared, and I'm sorry too, for the things I said to you."

That smile she had been waiting to see for so many months spread across his face.

"Great," he exclaimed, "You're sorry, I'm sorry, so everything is all good again. Now, I seem to recall you telling me that once I got my memories back, you'd be willing to give us a chance."

Juliet crossed her arms, fixing Shawn with a stare as she tilted her head to the side, as though contemplating the legitimacy of their earlier conversation.

"I did say that didn't I?" she finally said, a small smile continuing to play at the corners of her mouth.

"Yes you did, I remember it clearly."

"Well then, how about we go have a celebratory dinner tonight?" she suggested, "We'll see how it goes from there."

"I would like that very much, Jules. Although you might have to come pick me up. I don't know that I really want to test my dad by taking my bike anywhere for a while."

She laughed, and it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard, "Alright Shawn, I'll pick you up when I get off work." She reached out to squeeze his arm, "And welcome back."

"It's great to be back, you have no idea. Hey do you think we could convince the Chief to hold a welcome back party? With cake, and balloons, and singing. I've always wanted one. Ooo, and do you think we could convince Lassie to participate in the singing? Maybe give a solo performance?"

"Don't push your luck Shawn."

All of a sudden an angry bellow rang out from across the station.

"Alright, who put my things in jell-o?"

Both Shawn and Juliet turned to see Lassiter standing in front of his desk, his face contorted in anger. The detective looked up and swept his gaze around the station, which had stopped at his outburst, an angry glare plastered across his face. His gaze met and locked onto Shawn's, who was still grinning like an idiot and standing next to Juliet. Shawn smiled back at Lassiter, bringing up a hand to wave tauntingly at the head detective from across the station. The sudden look of surprise on Lassiter's face was priceless, even though it only lasted for a fraction of a second before the scowl returned. But Shawn couldn't help but notice the slight smile that played at the corners of Lassiter's lips as he bellowed across the station.

"Spencer! Get over here and clean this up now!"

Shawn looked down at Juliet.

"I'm not kidding Spencer!" Lassiter bellowed.

"I think it might be time for me to go," Shawn said, already heading towards the exit, "I'll see you later Jules."

She nodded, and with that, he turned and darted out of the station while Juliet stood there smiling after him as Carlton's angry shouts followed Shawn and echoed behind her. Then, with a happy sigh, she settled herself into her chair. Finally, things were back to normal.


End file.
